


All I Have To Do Is Dream

by notyouraunt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angel Castiel, Jo/Anna because of reasons, M/M, Non-Hunter Winchesters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 02:42:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 50,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1328896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notyouraunt/pseuds/notyouraunt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Destiel AU in which Castiel only exists in Dean's dreams... or so Dean thought. What will happen when the young mechanic begins to see this supposed figment of his subconscious mind when he's awake? Is he hallucinating? Has he finally lost his mind? Or, maybe... good things DO happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Updates periodically, sorry for the long delays.

Dark. Bloody. Horrific. A few weeks ago, these are the words Dean Winchester would have used to describe his dreams.

Dean was a man with a dark past. When he was only four years of age, he watched as a psychotic murderer burned his mother alive. John, his father, had found him in his infant brother's nursery as Mary burned, pinned to the ceiling, her killer already long gone. They rushed out of the house and watched as the fire consumed it. Dean became somewhat of a parent to his brother, Sammy, from that point on. It was them and their dad, a cop whose job always seemed to come before his boys, until a few weeks ago, and Dean couldn't wrap his head around the amount of shit that he had already been forced to endure in his 26 years of life.

It was September 18th, 2008, and John Winchester had been foolishly investigating a development in his wife's murder case alone when he was shot by the same man that claimed Mary's life. Azazel, as the killer had called himself, carved the words "Sammy's next" into John's chest before Jody, John's partner, arrived with backup and arrested the monster.

Dean had been on his way to the hospital to be there for his dad in his last moments when he was hit by a drunk driver. John died while Dean was in the ER.

The doctors had said it was a miracle he survived the crash, which he should have been thankful for. He needed to be there for his brother, who'd flown in from Stanford a day after their father's death and Dean's accident. Sam was his responsibility, even if little Sammy had grown up and gone to college. Still, in the days after the event, Dean had wished the wreck had ended him.

Dark. Bloody. Horrific. This had been Dean Winchester's life thus far, why should his dreams be any different? Every night, since he was four years old, he'd relived his mother's death in gory flashes and chilling screams. After that September day, his subconscious mind decided to throw in images of John's bloodied and torn body. Sam even made his way into a few of the dreams, giving a surreal life to Azazel's promise to take the life of the youngest Winchester. It got to the point where Dean was wary of sleeping at all.

One night, a few weeks after the accident, everything changed.

At 11:52 p.m., when he'd finally drifted out of consciousness, Dean's usual nightmare was replaced with something so foreign, yet so familiar, he was unsure whether to feel terrified or content.

It was beautiful at first. An overwhelming light that Dean could swear he _heard_. And it kept getting brighter, brighter, brighter until Dean began to see other colors in the white light. It didn't last long before it started to die out with a shrill sound. Dean woke up drenched in sweat, his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest. After calming himself, reminding himself that it was just a dream, and, for once, not a nightmare, he drifted back to into sleep.

The second dream was different. It was... softer. Pastel lights of every color surrounded him, warming him with their glow. He saw something that his subconscious registered as a human figure in the distance, approaching him slowly. With each step the figure took, Dean failed to notice any distinguishing features. It was like a cloud moving toward him, and, though it seemed abnormal at first, something deep down told him he knew this, this... light.  _That's right_ , Dean thought.  _This is a dream. I've seen that light before._  He realized that the light was much softer than before, and as it came closer, he felt himself take a few steps towards it. Before he'd felt threatened by it, now he was drawn to it.  _Him_ , something told him.  _He's real. He has a name._  Dean frowned.  _What's his name?_

"Castiel," he heard someone say. Was it the light? Why hadn't it-  _he_ , reached him by now? It felt like it had been hours since he'd started dreaming, but like he'd just fallen asleep at the same time. "Castiel," the voice repeated. It was deep, and it sounded as though its owner hadn't spoken for ages, if ever at all.

Castiel... was that its name? Dean wanted to reach out and touch Castiel. He was so close and kept moving closer but never near enough to touch.

Dean woke before the figure reached him. "Castiel," he mumbled mindlessly. "Pretty little glowy thing; Castiel. Huh." He sat up and rubbed at his eyes while he yawned. He blinked a few times and glanced at the clock on his bedside table. 7:55 a.m. Shit. Dean had to he at work in 5 minutes. He all but leaped out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans as he grabbed his cell and hit the second number on speed dial. "C'mon, Bobby, pick up." He put on a black T-shirt and hopped into his small apartment's kitchen as he struggled to put his socks on.

Charlie, his roommate, was already gone and at work. She'd left a note on the counter that read:

" _Out of milk. Left you some pancakes in the microwave._ "

Sure enough, a stack of homemade pancakes were waiting on a plate in the microwave for him. God, he really loved Charlie.

"Bobby Singer."

Dean jumped, nearly forgetting he had his cell pressed to his ear. "Hey, uh, Bobby... I woke up late."

"That's alright, Dean. Get here when you can."  _Click_.

Dean smiled as he set his phone down. Besides holding the true place of "father figure" in Dean's heart, Bobby was an old friend of John's, and he ran the best auto shop in Lawrence, Kansas. It consisted of a garage and a lot full of old cars on the man's property. When Dean turned 16, Bobby had surprised him with the choice of any car in the lot and invited him to come work as a mechanic. He'd been working there ever since, driving his 1967 Chevy Impala down to Bobby's place five days a week. Well, until it was wrecked. Bobby was letting Dean use the garage to fix up what he endearingly referred to as his "Baby" in his spare time. He was stuck driving a '65 Mustang until the Impala was ready to get back on the road. Which, sure, the 'Stang was nice. But it wasn't Baby.

"Took you long enough."

Dean rolled his eyes, dropping his keys on the desk in the garage. "Shut up, Jo." He took a seat in his chair and spun around to face her. "Aren't you supposed to be at the Roadhouse?"

Jo shrugged. "I took the day off."

With a low whistle, Dean shook his head. "Third in a week, Jo. Ellen's gonna be pissed."

"I think I can handle her," the blonde said, rolling her eyes. "I've been handling her for the past 24 years, Dean."

Dean smiled. "Soon to be 25, am I right?" He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head. "Any birthday plans?"

"Mom won't let me hold a party at the Roadhouse." Jo pouted, taking a seat on the desk.

"Pity."

"Yeah, it would've been a hell of a party."

"With who, again?" Dean teased. Ellen and Jo had always been like a mother and sister to him, and he'd be damned if he didn't pick on his little sister at each and every opportunity.

Jo reached over and punched Dean in the arm. "Shut up," she said, "I have friends."

"Uh huh," Dean chuckled. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before looking back at Jo. "Dude, I had the weirdest dream."

"Weird?"

"Yeah, as in... not fucking terrifying for once."

Raising a brow, Jo smirked. "That's  _good_ , right?"

"Yeah, I'm not complainin' or anything, it was just... weird."

Jo hopped to her feet and pulled up a chair, putting her elbows on the desk and propping her chin up on her hands. "Spill."

With a smirk, Dean sat up. "Okay, so, first it was just a really bright light. Like, I thought I was gonna go blind-"

"Yeah, pretty sure you can't be blinded in a d-"

"And then it got loud," Dean continued, ignoring the comment, "like... there was this noise."

"What kinda noise?"

"I dunno, it was like a piercing sorta... uh... like when you leave the TV on but nothing's playing, y'know that little hum it makes?"

"Um, I guess..."

"It was like that, but, like, really loud. I woke up and I was freaking out."

Jo frowned. "That's it?"

"No, I went back to bed and the light came back."

"Ooh, a sequel. Cool."

"Shut up, I'm talking. You're worse than Sam." Dean put his feet up on the desk, grinning when Jo tried and failed to bat them away. "Anyway, it's not loud this time, and it's not as bright. It was more... soft. Warm." Dean's vision went out of focus as he stared at the wall to his right, frowning. "And then it was like it was talking to me."

Jo raised her eyebrows. "The light?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't just light anymore, it... it was shaped like a person."

"Huh. What'd it say?"

"It, or, uh...  _he_ , I guess," Dean didn't fail to catch Jo's amused smirk, her being the only person on the planet who knew he was bi, "shut up. It wasn't like that."

"How do  _you_  know?"

"I just... know, c'mon I'm telling a story, here."

"Sorry," Jo chuckled. "Go on."

"I wondered to myself what his name was, but I didn't say anything out loud, and then I heard him say 'Castiel'."

Jo looked at Dean as if he had a third eye. "'Castiel'? Where the hell did your subconscious pull  _that_  one from?"

"No idea. I'm more weirded out by the idea that the dude could read my mind."

Batting away Dean's logic with an unamused eye roll, Jo said, "It was a  _dream_ , Dean." She scooted closer as she asked, "So, was he hot?"

"He was a  _light_ , Jo."

"Was his voice hot?"

"I dunno, damn it!" Dean bit his lip, staring at the laces on his shoes. "Okay, it was pretty hot. It was deep and kinda... wise? Like he knew a lot of shit, y'know?"

"Maybe he does. Maybe it's  _God_ ," Jo deadpanned.

Dean snorted. "Right."

"I'm kidding. But, hey, that'd be crazy if it was."

"I don't believe in God, Jo, you know that."

Sighing, Jo stood up and adjusted her jacket. "Yeah, I know. I don't blame you."

Dean nodded solemnly. He sighed, then stood. "So, is there an actual reason you're here, other than to keep me from fixing up my Baby?"

"It's my day off," she said, smiling as she took Dean's arm. "And now it's yours, too. I got Bobby to let you come with me."

Dean shot her a skeptical look. "Where?"

"We're going to the mall."

Dean groaned, throwing his head back as the girl pulled him toward her car. "Jo, I'm bi, not gay."

"Wow," Jo frowned, "that wasn't terrible stereotyping at all. Quit jumping to conclusions, anyway. We aren't shopping." She grinned. "I want you to meet someone."

Dean came to a halt. "No, no.  _Hell_  no. Last time you dragged me to a blind date, I ended up c-"

"Shut up, Dean. It's for me. I met someone, and I want you to meet her."

Dean quirked a brow. "'Her'?"

Sighing, Jo unlocked her truck and got in, waiting for Dean to get his seatbelt on before saying, "Still processing?"

Dean's jaw dropped. "You... you're-"

"Bi, Dean. Same as you." Jo cocked her head as she buckled up. "Or into  _her_ , at least. I don't fucking know," she laughed.

Widening his eyes, Dean relaxed in his seat. "Huh. Nice. That's hot," he smirked.

Jo punched him in the arm as she started up the truck. "That's sexist." She pulled out of the driveway, waving to Bobby who nodded from the kitchen window.

"So," Dean said, "what's her name?"

Blushing as she smiled, Jo said, "Anna."


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel had never witnessed anything as beautiful as Dean Winchester's soul. He was the angel who was lucky enough to be assigned to carry it to heaven after the human had been the unfortunate victim of a car crash.

It was just seconds after the accident. The crash had taken Dean's life instantly, and Castiel was faced with a choice. He knew it wasn't a choice he was ever meant to have. His orders were to take the soul straight to heaven where it belonged. But as he held the glowing light form, he felt it almost cling to him. He, himself, was a figure made of light. And Dean's soul seemed to want to meld with it. "No," he told it, preparing to dash into heaven and finish his duty.

The light flickered angrily, panicked against Castiel's chest. The angel began to wonder if Dean would be happy in heaven. He wondered if there was more he could do on Earth. "Dean," he spoke, feeling the power of the man's soul surge at the mention of his name. Such passion, even after death, and having endured such a painful life. He was meant for so much more, Castiel was sure of it. "Alright, Dean."

And then Castiel did something he was certain he wasn't allowed to do. He placed Dean's soul back inside of him, ensuring that the man would live before he took off for heaven, swearing to keep this deed to himself.

 

But, of course, the angel couldn't just quit while he was ahead. He felt a responsibility for the man he'd saved, and, as time passed, the ache to watch over Dean grew.

Some angels were allowed to take human form, to walk the Earth and do good deeds. But Castiel's calling was in the spirit realm, and he'd already disobeyed in restoring Dean's soul. How could he communicate with the man? He felt the need to bond further with this incredible creation becoming more and more urgent as the days went by. There had to be a way to be in Dean's presence once again.

 

After a few weeks passed, it came to him: dreams. He could reach the man through his subconscious mind, and he wouldn’t have to worry about being caught.

 

Castiel waited eagerly until Dean next fell asleep, and was able to enter his dreams that night.

"Dean," he said, approaching the man. He couldn't understand why he seemed to be upsetting the human. "Dean," he repeated. He watched as Dean winced, and suddenly was whisked back to his corner of heaven as Dean woke.

It took him some time to figure out that he had appeared in his natural form, thus being unable to speak to the man and too bright for his human eyes, even in a dream.

He waited a little while before returning to Dean's mind, focusing all his energy on creating a soft, comfortable environment for the man.

He was able to see Dean's face, and was pleased that it appeared so calm, albeit somewhat confused. He began walking toward him, trying his best to take human form, even if only in the subconscious mind of a man. He struggled to become anything other than light, and was distracted when he heard Dean wonder what he was, _who_ he was. "Castiel," he said, walking to him. Focusing so much energy on his form and the warm light surrounding him made it difficult to make any progress in his journey toward Dean. He felt him wonder about him once more, and repeated himself before the dream ended.

"Castiel."


	3. Chapter 3

The mall wasn't nearly as crowded as Dean had expected it to be on a Friday morning. He nudged Jo in the shoulder as they entered the mall, asking if it was always this dead.

Jo rolled her eyes. "Yeah, like I'm here enough to know that." She urged Dean further into the building, scouting the place for her alleged girlfriend.

"Then why the hell are we meeting, uh..."

"Anna." Jo pulled Dean's arm to guide him into the food court.

"Anna. Why are we meeting Anna here?"

Smiling, the blonde shook her head. "She works at the Wiener Hut," Jo chuckled.

Dean didn't bother trying to hold back his laughter, given that Jo was already giggling. "You're kidding."

"Hey, shut up," Jo said, gathering herself as she took a seat at an empty table. "It's not a terrible job. Besides, she looks fucking adorable in the-" Jo's eyes brightened as her mouth decided to form a smile rather than words.

Dean turned to see a cute redheaded girl approaching. She was short, just a few inches taller than Jo, and walked confidently in her fitted blue jeans. There was something about her, and Dean had to give his little sister props for scoring a girl so... _out of this world_. Yeah, that was it. Anna was hot as hell, but her presence was heavenly.

"Sorry I'm late, hon," the girl said with a sigh, setting her forest green messenger bag down on the table as she sat down. "My shift doesn't start for another hour but I have to have time to throw on the uniform and I know you wanted to have time t-"

"It's alright, Anna, we barely just got here." Jo took her girlfriend's arm in hers and leaned over to kiss her cheek. She looked back up at Dean and pointed at the chair across from them. "Sit down, Dean."

"This is your... brother?" Anna asked, shifting her attention to the man. She offered him a kind smile and reached her hand across the table. "I'm Anna."

Taking her hand and shaking it once, Dean smiled. "Brother _figure_ , at least. Hi."

"Hello."

"So... how did you two, uh, how did you meet?" Dean asked, gesturing between the pair and quirking a brow at Jo's grin. She was shaking her head as Anna looked down and blushed. "Oh, this is gonna be a good one."

Jo chuckled, pointing at her girlfriend with her thumb. "So this one here stumbles into the Roadhouse one night, already drunk as hell. And I happen to be behind the bar when she orders a... what was it again?" The blonde smirked at Anna knowingly.

Rolling her eyes, Anna sighed, "I ordered 'that fine piece of ass'."

Lost in her laughter, Jo shook her head. Dean couldn't help but smile. "You really said that?" he chuckled.

"It isn't something I would normally say," Anna said. "I was drunk."

Jo was about to fall out of her chair. "Understatement, babe." She straightened up in her seat and faced Dean. "She was alone, had no way of getting home, and, from what I could tell, didn't even have a car. So I drove her to a motel-"

"I was too incapacitated to tell her my address," Anna chimed in.

"Yeah, so I took one bed and she took the other," Jo continued, "'cause I couldn't just leave her there, so... when she woke up the next morning, she was more than a little confused, the poor thing."

"But grateful," Anna pointed out.

" _Very_ grateful. You let me know how grateful you were with a big, sloppy kiss, remember? Then you puked."

"It was true love," the redhead laughed. "We've been together ever since."

Dean frowned. "Wait, how long has it been?"

Jo looked away. "Um... about three weeks."

"Seriously?!" Dean tried not to look hurt, but, damn it, why was he just hearing about this now?

Jo offered the man an empathetic smile. "It was right around the time John... I just... I didn't know what to say."

Closing his eyes, Dean dropped his head and breathed a deep sigh. "Jo... I'm fine. You didn't have to-"

"Well, I wanted to. Just in case. I didn't know how you were holding up, Dean. You wouldn't talk to anyone for a week, I...," Jo cleared her throat and gave Anna an apologetic look, "I don't think we should get into this right now."

Dean waved a hand. "It's fine, Jo, I'm... I'm happy for you." He forced a smile and listened as the blonde proceeded to bitch to her girlfriend about her birthday party plans being ruined, the price of gas, and how long it took Dean to get ready in the morning.

"Hey, that was just today," he interrupted. "I was thrown off by-"

"Oh, yeah! The dream!" Jo turned to Anna excitedly.

Dean groaned, leaning back in his chair as though he could escape the giggling that would follow the story.

"What dream?" Anna quirked a brow.

"Nothing, it was stupid," Dean said.

"There was a bright light talking to him in a sexy voice."

"Shut up, Jo." Dean dragged a hand down his face and shook his head.

Anna smiled at Dean, "It's alright," she chuckled, "I won't judge."

"Jo's birthday's coming up," the mechanic said, eager to change the subject. "Any ideas?"

Jo turned to her girlfriend and raised a brow. "Yeah, any ideas?"

"You know I'm not good at planning things, Jo."

"That's why _I'm_ planning it," the blonde reminded. "You've just gotta give me something to work with." She shrugged, turning to Dean. "Maybe Sam's girlfriend will be able to help. What's her name, again?"

Dean smiled. "Jessica. Er, Jess. She's pretty cool."

"She's flying in tonight, isn't she?" Jo asked, turning to face Anna again. "We should all meet up for dinner!"

With a groan, Dean leaned back in his chair and glared at the ceiling. "C'mon, Jo, she'll have all of two hours for Sam to pick her up and get her settled in at Bobby's."

"He's gonna let them stay in the same room together?" Jo quirked a brow. "I wouldn't be letting a young couple stay anywhere near my house."

"Thanks for putting that image in my brain," Dean frowned.

"I didn't put anything in your brain, I'm just saying that could get awkward."

Anna interrupted the pair with a chuckle. "You two really are like family. It's sweet." She gave Dean a pleading look and said, "I'd really love to meet your brother and his girlfriend."

Dean sighed, giving a light nod to the redhead and pointing a finger at Jo. " _You're_ buying me dinner, though."

Laughing, Jo agreed to the conditions. She pulled out her cell to inform Sam of their plans and continued talking with Anna before she had to get ready for her shift. Dean shook her hand and told her he looked forward to seeing her that night. Which wasn't entirely a lie; he _did_ enjoy her presence, he just wasn't sure he was ready for a big gathering.

"Oh, it's not like it's a party, Dean," Charlie said when Dean arrived back at his apartment that afternoon. "I'm sure you'll survive."

"It's just… I don't know if I'm ready to see Sammy."

Charlie quirked a brow, looking up from her laptop screen. "You've seen him several times in the past couple of weeks."

"It's different, with Jess, though. He's… I dunno. I met her once, and Sam was just so…"

"Happy?"

Dean frowned, guilt rising in the pit of his stomach. Did it really bother him to see his brother happy? "...Yeah."

Charlie nodded, standing from their small kitchen table and walking to the sink. "I get it," she said, grabbing a glass of water and leaning against the counter.

"You do?" Dean shot his roommate a skeptical look.

"Yeah. You just had some crap happen to you, and it happened to Sam, too, so you're wondering how he could possibly be happy… given the circumstances. Am I right?"

Dean dropped his gaze and nodded, folding his arms over his chest. "Seems fucked up, though."

"Well… I mean, I guess it's sort of… I dunno, Dean. I get how you're feeling, believe me, I do." Charlie walked to his side and look up at his downcast face. "I'm sure you'll be happy someday, too."

Unfolding his arms, Dean scoffed, "Right."

"Hey, I mean it," Charlie defended. She lightened her expression and gave Dean a light smack on the ass. "So you go to that dinner tonight and have a good time."

Dean couldn't help but let out a light chuckle. "Alright, Charlie. You win this round."

"Bitch, please," the girl smirked. "I win _every_ round."

Dinner couldn't come soon enough. Not only did Dean find himself _really_ hungry, but he also was getting anxious waiting. The sooner it was over, the better.

He still couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly that made him so hesitant to spend time around others. He'd never been that way before the accident, and he knew deep down that he hadn't really _changed_ … but he wished he could figure out what the damn problem was so he could get over it.

"Dean!" Jess was the first to greet him as he entered the restaurant five minutes late and found the table. The curly-haired blonde was sitting next to Sam on one side of the table, with Jo and Anna on the other side.

"Hey, Jess! Nice to see you again," he said, giving his brother a wink that earned him a bitchface. Dean took a seat next to Sam and nodded at the couple across the table. He set his keys next to his silverware and leaned back in his chair. "And you, Anna."

Anna smiled and gestured at Sam and Jess. "I've just been getting to know your brother and his girlfriend."

"Nerdy, isn't he?" Dean teased, playfully nudging Sam in the arm.

Sam cleared his throat and gave his brother a pointed look. "We already ordered, so…"

"Yeah, yeah," Dean picked up the only menu left on the table and shot an apologetic look across the table. "Sorry I was late. Bobby called about my work tomorrow and I had to get some things figured out."

Jo nodded. "I made him skip work today," she admitted, looking to her girlfriend. "He had to meet my girl, here. And help with birthday plans. Speaking of which," she turned to face Jess, "you any good with party planning?"

Jess smiled and her gaze flitted to Sam for a moment before she nodded. "I'd like to think so, though I'm not sure this one here would agree."

Shaking his head, Sam let out a light chuckle. "I told you, I don't do Halloween. If it was any other party, I'm sure it would've been great, Jess, really."

"It was almost a year ago," Jess waved a dismissive hand and rolled her eyes, "I'm over it." She turned to Jo and asked, "So, how old are you gonna be?"

Dean tuned out, giving his order to the waiter and making sure to buy a damn expensive steak to get back at Jo for making him show up. The restaurant was dimly lit, the orange and blue lamplight giving the dark tables a warm glow. It was designed to be elegant and comforting, but it only served to depress Dean. He needed light. Cheery, bright, happy light. _Castiel_ , he remembered, staring blankly at his glass of water as a small smile found its way onto his face.

"What do you think, Dean?"

Jo's inquisitive voice shook him from his thoughts, and he looked up dumbly at the young woman. "What?"

Sighing, Jo gestured at the girl across from her. "Jess's idea? To have the party at Bobby's place?"

Dean scoffed. "What, in the Salvage Yard?"

"You think he'd let us?" Jo asked.

"The hell would you do there?" he wondered.

Jo shrugged. "Bring some beer and hang out in old cars?"

Sam laughed, shaking his head. "You'd rather do that than just make a dinner reservation somewhere?"

As the waiter brought their food to the table, Jo rolled her eyes. "Alright, fancy Harvard boy-"

"It's Stanford," Sam corrected.

"Whatever. The Singer Salvage Yard too much a hicktown attraction for you?" Jo teased.

Sam shook his head, taking his salad from the waiter and politely thanking him. "One," he said, "this isn't a hicktown. It isn't like California, but it's not that bad. Two, I pretty much grew up at Bobby's, Jo. It's just... old news." Dean huffed, rolling his eyes and downing his water as if it were a vodka shot.

"I think it sounds like fun," Anna said, smiling at her girlfriend before turning to nod at Jess. "You're staying there, aren't you?"

Jess nodded as her plate was set in front of her. "Just got a glimpse of the yard before we had to rush off here-"

"Sorry about that," Jo interjected. "The timing and all."

"Don't worry about it," Jess smiled. "It was nice to finally meet you. Sam's mentioned you a few times."

Jo raised her brows at Sam. "Only a few, huh?" Sam looked like he'd just been caught insulting the president _by_ the president as he struggled to find words. "Sam," Jo chuckled. "It's fine. You're too busy with your nose in a book to make much conversation, anyway, aren't ya?"

Jess let out an amused laugh and nodded. "Oh my God, he really is." She put an arm around Sam and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "It's cute, though, baby, it really is. And we know pre-law is a pain in the ass."

Anna looked to Sam with a confused face. "You're going to be a lawyer?"

"Yeah," Sam said. "In about four years, if all goes well."

Anna frowned. "You don't seem like…"

"Like a blood-sucking dick?" Dean offered, smirking at his brother. Sam shot him a bitchface. With an amused sigh, Dean shook his head and turned back to Anna. "He's really not. That's why we need him to succeed, right, Sammy?"

Sam blushed. "I-"

"We need to get more kind-hearted _nerds_ like you in the business," Dean said.

"How long have you been in school, Sam?" Anna asked.

Sam gave his brother a hesitant glance and sucked in a breath. "About three years. I should've been entering my first year of law school instead of my fourth year at Stanford, but…"

Dean let out an exasperated sigh and leaned back in his chair. _Don't fucking start this again, Sammy_.

"I graduated from high school a year late," Sam continued. "My dad, he, well… it's hard to explain-"

"Then don't explain it, Sam," Dean snapped, glaring at his brother and biting his tongue when the younger Winchester shot him a bitchface.

"Why? Am I not allowed to talk about it, Dean?"

Dean glanced across the table, gauging Anna and Jo's level of discomfort before sitting up. "No, you're not. The guy _just died_ , Sam. You don't get to bitch about getting held back when-"

"When it was his fault?" Sam huffed. "Just 'cause the man is dead doesn't mean he's earned my respect, Dean."

Gritting his teeth, Dean said, "I don't wanna do this here."

"I don't either, Dean, but you're the one who brought it up! It's like you _want_ me to get angry about it so you'll have someone to blame."

"Blame for _what_?!" The edge in Dean's voice drew the attention of a nearby table, but he didn't care.

Sam, though clearly still upset, softened his expression and looked his brother in the eye. "Look, it sucks, okay. It isn't fair what happened to Dad, but it was no one's fault but his own."

"It's the psycho who killed mom's fault, Sam! What the hell?!" Dean stood from his chair, feeling the surrounding eyes on him and wishing he were anywhere but there.

"Dad is the one who went after him without backup, when-"

" _Fuck you_ , Sam," Dean spat bitterly, grabbing his keys off the table and turning from the group, leaving the restaurant with anger weighing heavy on his steps.

It was two and a half hours later when Sam finally called him. Dean, beer in hand, glared at the buzzing phone beside him and fixed his eyes on the TV.

"You should pick it up, Dean," Charlie said from the other side of the couch, looking up from her book and giving Dean a soft smile.

"Why?" Dean demanded.

Charlie shrugged. "Maybe he's calling to apologize."

Dean snorted, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table. "Right."

The phone stopped buzzing for about a minute before it caught Dean's attention again. He sighed, looking at his roommate until she nodded and got up, walking to her room. He forcibly grabbed his cell from the couch's arm and answered, voice low and hoarse, "What?" It was more of a demand than a question, and he heard Sam sigh on the other end.

"Are you drunk?"

"Maybe." Dean rolled his eyes, sinking further into the cushions and asking, "What'dya want?"

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Dean."

Dean huffed into the speaker, setting his beer down beside him.

"I mean it. It was too soon for that conversation, and to have it in public was-"

"That conversation shouldn't have ever happened, Sam. Not now, not ever."

"Alright, we disagree. And we might always-"

"We _will_."

"Okay, Dean, I…," Sam sighed. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to provoke you."

Dean snorted. "I did."

"Yeah, we all got that."

"'M sorry."

"Alright, well… get some sleep, Dean. You sound like you need it." There was a low mumble on the other end before Sam added, "And Jess says to drink some water before you hit the hay."

Dean nodded dumbly and hung up without a "goodbye". He remained sitting on the couch for a good five minutes before sighing and getting up. Pouring himself a glass of water, Dean stumbled into his bedroom. He didn't even bother to undress, slipping under the covers and closing his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on updating the 30th of each month from here on out! Hold me to that! Lol.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean knew he'd gone to bed with the light on, and, yeah, okay, maybe he'd been a little drunk, but… _What the hell?_ , he wondered. He looked around his room, which was pretty much the same, save the warm glow that surrounded him. It wasn't the dim lamplight he was used to. It felt real. _Alive_ , even. Like it was breathing, and, with each breath, a puff of light filled the room. Several different colors pulsed in the air around him each time, and Dean stared at it in awe as he sat up in his bed. "This can't be real," he mumbled.

"It isn't."

The voice was gruff, and… inexperienced. As though the words were new to their owner. And yet, somehow, it seemed centuries old. Dean _knew_ that voice. He'd heard it before. _Castiel_ , he realized, eyes widening.

"Well, it _is_ real, I suppose. But not any version of reality you're used to," the voice mused.

"Castiel?" he asked.

The light around him grew brighter, soft oranges and yellows beaming out and flowing toward Dean. "Yes," Castiel said. He sounded happy, and Dean couldn't help but smile back at the enthusiastic light before narrowing his eyes and wondering aloud, "Are you… Are you seriously just light?"

"At the moment, yes," Castiel replied. "I am focusing my energy on speaking with you. It is…," a strand of light above Dean's head burst with a whipping sound and the man jumped to his feet. "It is extremely difficult to manifest myself in a human form while doing this."

"W-what?" Dean leaned against his wall, gulping as the light grew brighter, full of such power that the young man began to fear it. "What do you want from me?"

The colors dimmed, desaturating, and Dean wondered if that was Castiel's way of frowning at him. "I don't want anything from you, Dean Winchester," Castiel said. "Except, perhaps, companionship."

"But I thought… I thought I was…"

"Dreaming, yes," Castiel confirmed. "You are, Dean."

Dean pushed off the wall and narrowed his eyes at the hovering light, extending a finger to point at Castiel. "Are you real? Or am I just losing my mind?"

"I'm real here."

"That doesn't really make sense."

Castiel's glow brightened and dimmed a few times. "For your own safety, and mine," he said firmly, "I must tell you as little as possible about me."

"Dude, what the hell?" Dean dragged a hand down his face and closed his eyes, the light still faintly visible through his eyelids. "You can't just… You can't-"

"You're upset?" Castiel was softer this time, but he sounded troubled by Dean's words.

"I'm confused, man." Dean sighed, opening his eyes and staring blankly at the only representation of Castiel he was provided with. "You're not even a man. You're a freakin' light. A glowing cloud. What the hell?"

"Quite the contrary," Castiel muttered.

"What?"

"Never mind, Dean." Castiel sighed, a string of pink light flowing from his bright center. "I will show myself to you in a more… recognizable way next time."

Dean scoffed. "If you can find the mojo, you mean?"

Castiel flickered, brightening so much that Dean had to shield his eyes with the back of his arm, wincing as the piercing sound he'd first heard the night before filled the room. "Do not underestimate me, Dean Winchester," Castiel said, his voice stern and echoing all around the man. "I _will_ discover a way to see you face to face. I must."

"Why?" Dean shouted over the noise, his eyes still shut even as the light died down. "Why _must_ you?"

"Goodbye, Dean." Castiel's voice softened as he said, "Sleep well."

And then there was nothing. No piercing noise, no determined voice, no light. No Castiel.

Dean woke with a throbbing headache, groaning as he kicked the sheets off of him and rubbed his temple with the end of his palm. His lamp was still on, a startling reminder of Castiel and the events of his dream. Shaking his head, Dean clenched his jaw and swung his legs out of bed. As he stood, he glared at the lamp beside him and cursed. He was losing his mind. Or, there was some sort of force in the universe that was fucking with him. Or… Castiel was real, and refused to tell him what he was, let alone _how in the_ hell _he_ knew _him._

"Fucking _dick_."

 

Working on the Impala was a great distraction. From his dad's death, from his and Sam's argument, from… Castiel. Dean tuned out of his thoughts and turned up the car radio, singing along to Led Zeppelin while repairing his Baby.

It was a comfort, in a way, that he was capable of fixing something. He couldn't save his dad. He couldn't repair his relationship with Sammy after he'd moved to California. He couldn't even rid himself of his own dark thoughts after the events of the last month. But he could fix the car, and he was _good_ at it. He knew what he was doing, there was no uncertainty. No wondering if he was losing his fucking mind.

"Damn it, Castiel, you're killing me," Dean muttered beneath the car.

"Um, what?"

Rolling out from under the Impala, Dean was greeted with the sight of his confused and slightly concerned brother. He cleared his throat as his muscles tensed, standing up and brushing dirt off his chest. "Nothing."

Sam smirked. "Were you talking to yourself?"

"Maybe." Dean rolled his eyes. "Shut up. What do you want? I'm kinda busy with the-"

"I know, Dean, I just… I wanted to make sure we were okay. With everything that's happened, I don't need you to have a reason to be mad at me, or vice versa."

Dean clenched his jaw, picking up the rag he'd set atop the Impala and wiping the grease from his hands with it. "We're fine. It's fine."

With a huff, Sam smirked and shook his head, looking away from his stubborn brother. "Dean, I mean it. We're all each other has, now, and-"

"I said we're fine, Sam," Dean interrupted, tossing the dirty rag to the side and shifting his attention to the car behind him. He leaned in from the open passenger side and turned off the radio. "I mean it. Don't worry about it." When he stood back up and faced his brother, he rolled his eyes at the exasperated bitchface he received. "Look, I've got other things to worry about, Sammy," he said. "You're not gonna be one of them. Let's just…," he paused, swiping across the air in front of him with his arm, "move on."

Sam sighed, nodding lightly to himself as he said, "Fine."

"Fine."

"Jess and I are staying," Sam said.

"What?" Dean shifted where he stood, crossing his dirt-smudged arms and frowning at his brother.

Sam nodded to the house in the distance, shoving his hands in his pockets. "We're staying here for at least a month, we've decided."

"Sam-"

"No, it's not up for discussion."

Dean lifted a hand to point at his brother. "You've got law school to-"

"To get back to next _year_ , Dean. And I'm able to do my classes this year online." Sam shrugged. "I'll just have to drop out of a few electives. Which is fine, I mean, they don't really matter."

Shaking his head, Dean asked, "Why're you doing this, Sam?"

Sam looked down, thinning his lips as he brought a hand out of his pocket to play with his hair. "I just…," he sighed. "I just need a change of pace, after all that's happened. You seem to be more affected by this than I am, but… but that doesn't mean it hasn't affected me at all. I need you, Dean." Sam looked up and offered his brother half a smile. "I need my big brother, so I'm staying a little longer. Okay?"

Dean opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally choking out the words, "Yeah. That's okay."

"Good," Sam said, dropping his hand to his side and lowering his head.

"What about Jess?" Dean wondered. "I mean, she's got school, too, doesn't she? And a job?"

Sam smiled to himself as he lifted his head. "Jess has online classes, too. And she _wants_ to stay here," he chuckled. "She wants to get a job with Anna at the freakin' Wiener Hut. She actually _likes_ it here."

"Hey, it isn't bad." Dean reached out and smacked his brother on the side of his arm.

"Yeah, it's really not."

Dean grinned, stepping closer and ruffling his little brother's hair, even though he had to reach for it. Sam batted his hand away and Dean broke out into laughter. "So," he said, "how long are you gonna stay?"

"'Til we feel it's time to go, I guess."

Nodding, Dean smirked at his brother. "You gonna go to Jo's big junkyard birthday bash, then?"

"Yeah, of course. Jess sorta came up with the idea, anyway. So she's got to go."

Dean rolled his eyes, turning back to his car and slamming the passenger side door as he mumbled, "Not like you'd go simply 'cause Jo's like a sister to us, or anything."

"That's not fair," Sam said as Dean turned back to him. "I haven't seen her in years. I came back and she's dating a girl, dude. I didn't even know-"

"Well, _that_ , I didn't even know about 'til I met her."

Sam frowned. "Huh. Wonder why she kept it a secret for so long."

Rolling his eyes for the umpteenth time that day, Dean walked to the mini-fridge in the garage and pulled out two beers. "It isn't some big scandal," he said, handing his brother a bottle and opening his own, "she just didn't want to bring it up so soon after…"

"Oh," Sam nodded. "Right."

"Besides," Dean mumbled, taking a seat on the hood of his car, "a person's sexuality is their own damn business. Maybe she just didn't want anyone to know about it yet…"

Sam chuckled as he sat beside his brother, shaking his head. "Right. Because _Jo_ is the type to give a crap about what anyone else thinks."

Dean narrowed his eyes at the younger Winchester, who gave him a pointed look. "What?"

"Nothing," Sam said with a smirk, opening his beer and taking a sip. "But, yeah, anyone who has something to come out about has gotta do it in their own time."

Dean's frown only deepened at that. There was no way Sam could know he was bi, right? Jo wouldn't tell him, and _Dean_ certainly never told him. "Shut up," the mechanic muttered. "You'd better not dent this car."

Sam huffed, amused, as he leaned against the windshield. "Whatever, Dean. I probably weigh about the same as you."

"Uh-huh, Gigantor," Dean teased, dropping the issue of his sexuality and taking a moment to enjoy a beer with his brother.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, Sam and Jess sticking around for a while. Maybe he'd be able to get closer to Sam, like they'd been when they were kids. Maybe there were things besides his car that he could, in fact, fix.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time Jo's birthday came around, Dean was pretty much all caught up on Sam's time at Stanford. Which, as he'd made sure to tease his brother about, had been pretty damn dull. "Seriously, man, that's it?" he asked, leaning against an old car in the Singer Salvage Yard, beer in hand. "No parties, no drugs, no-"

"Oh, leave him alone," Jess interrupted, coming up behind her boyfriend to wrap an arm around him with a smile. "Law is serious business," she teased.

"As a matter of fact, it is." Sam's face was slightly flushed from the alcohol he'd already consumed, and he took the beer Jess held in front of him with a smile. "I can't be getting drunk before tests 'n' stuff, Dean."

Dean chuckled, shaking his head. "Of course," he said, pointing his beer at his brother. "Wouldn't wanna be reckless, would we?"

Sam shook his head, grinning as Jess giggled in his ear. He turned just enough for them to lock lips, and Jess ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm gonna be sick," Dean mumbled, standing up and searching the yard for the birthday girl.

"You shouldn't be drinking so much, then."

Dean turned with a smile to find Anna standing in front of him. He shook his beer pointedly. "Second one." He nodded to the pair behind him as he said, "They're the ones making me sick."

Anna chuckled and nodded to a pack of cars a few yards away. "Jo's over here," she said as she began walking in her girlfriend's direction.

There were lights stringed up across the yard, an idea Jo had praised Jess for, and random groups of people scattered throughout. Dean was pretty sure most of them were Roadhouse regulars who'd befriended the sweet but feisty blonde. One guest in particular did catch his eye, but only for a moment. The guy had dark brown hair, and piercing blue eyes that shimmered in the stringed lights above him. He made eye contact with Dean for all of two seconds before turning and disappearing behind a pile of old cars. Dean shook his head and followed Anna to his sort-of sister.

"I can't believe Bobby let you do this," Dean mused upon reaching Jo's side.

"He owed me," Jo said, turning to smile at the mechanic. "He got drunk at the Roadhouse and I stopped him from getting arrested."

Dean chuckled. "Aw, Mills woulda been so excited, though."

Jo laughed, turning to a confused Anna as she explained, "Jody Mills, John's partner, has a little crush on Bobby Singer."

Dean's smile faded a bit at the mention of his father, but he nodded. "She has a thing for older guys, I guess."

"Oh please," Jo said, waving a hand, "they're not that far apart in age. They're so cute."

Shuddering at Jo's use of the word "cute" in reference to Bobby, Dean shook his head. "Okay," he said with a smile. "Whatever you say, Birthday Girl."

Anna brightened as she asked her girlfriend, "Have you had cake yet?"

"Cake? I can't afford cake for everyone here," Jo chuckled, then turned to Dean. "Anna was a little late."

"I had work," the redhead confirmed with an apologetic smile. "But, really, no cake? Isn't that a… That's what people do on birthdays, right?"

Jo narrowed her eyes, her lips forming an amused smirk as she looked at Anna. "Uh, yeah… some people do."

"And share their dreams?" Anna asked.

Dean frowned. "You mean make a wish?"

"Right," Anna said, blushing. "That."

"Haven't you ever celebrated a birthday before, Anna?" Jo asked, putting an arm around the girl.

Anna averted her gaze to the ground, kicking the dirt with her boots as she shook her head. "Uh, no, actually. My family was never into that kind of stuff."

"Well," Jo said, "we'll have to do something about that, won't we?" She gave Anna a kiss on the cheek before smirking up at Dean. "Anyway, speaking of dreams…"

"Jo," Dean groaned, throwing his head back in annoyance.

"Any word from your dream boy?" Jo pressed on, her grin widening as Dean shifted where he stood. "Aw, come on, no new words from… what was his name? Cassiel?"

Dean clenched his jaw, sighing as he returned Jo's stare. "Castiel."

"Castiel?" Anna asked.

Looking down at the wide-eyed redhead, Dean frowned. "Uh, yeah."

"Weird name, huh?" Jo giggled.

Anna blinked a few times before shrugging. "Uh, yeah. I guess it is."

Dean narrowed his eyes at the girl before shaking his head and looking back at Jo. "And, yeah, okay, I had another dream about him."

"Oh _really_?" Jo asked, moving her elbow to the car beside them and resting her chin atop her hand.

Rolling his eyes, Dean sighed, "Yeah."

"Aaaand?"

"And he was a fucking light again."

"He appeared to you in the form of light?" Anna asked.

"Uh, yeah," Dean replied, frowning. "Said he couldn't 'manifest' himself in 'human form' or something."

Jo snorted, tossing her head back. "Man, what are you taking before bed?"

"Shut up," Dean said, holding back a laugh before giving in and joining his friend. Anna remained silent. "You okay?" he asked her.

"Fine," she said quickly, her gaze distant before she blinked and looked up at Dean. "I'm fine." Anna smiled at the man before turning to her girlfriend and tugging on her arm. "I'm sorry, Jo, but I really need to leave."

"Aw, come on, Anna," Jo whined, pulling the girl closer. "You can't just go home. The party's not over. Besides, I forgot my keys."

Dean drew his eyebrows together, bringing his free hand up to gesture at the couple. "You guys are… living together?"

Jo met Dean's inquisitive stare with a smile. "Yeah, you didn't know?"

"I thought you just met, like, a month ago."

Shrugging, Jo looked back at her girlfriend and ran her fingers through the young woman's red hair. "She had nowhere else to go, so, when I found that out… I asked her if she wanted to move in with me."

"And Ellen doesn't mind?"

Jo rolled her eyes. "Of course not. She'd only be worried if I brought some mean looking douchebag home. Anna wouldn't hurt a fly."

Anna thinned her lips at that and pulled away. "I really need to go…"

"You really don't like parties, do you?" Dean smirked.

"I guess not." Anna began backing away and nodded to her girlfriend. "I'll keep the door unlocked for you."

"Who'll drive me home, then?" Jo called.

"Whoever brought you here." Anna turned and headed towards her car.

Jo stuck her lips out in a pout before bringing her beer to her mouth and downing the rest of it in one go.

"So, she didn't have a home, but she's got a car?" Dean asked.

Shaking her head, Jo stood up straight and nodded to where Anna had run off to. "She uses my mom's car when I can't drive her around. And get this," she said, stepping towards Dean with an amused grin. "I had to teach her how to drive. Crazy, right?"

Dean frowned. "Yeah, at her age. Anyway, time for you to go home, too, I think."

"Aw, come on…"

"Jo, I'm driving you home before you stay too long and get drunk. Don't want you to puke on your birthday." Dean gestured around the yard and added, "Go find your ride here and let 'em know."

Jo groaned and marched off, looking back to shout, "Y'know it would take me, like, _all night_ to get drunk."

Chuckling, Dean shook his head. "I don't care. Meet me at my car."

"You mean the 'P.O.S. temp', as you once called it."

"Yeah, Baby's not fixed up, yet."

"Bummer."

"Hurry up, Jo!"

It took half an hour for Dean to get Jo to the car, and another half hour to drive her home and say goodnight. By the time he arrived back at his apartment at 11:46 p.m., he was ready to hit the hay. He hadn't been sleeping too well that week, wondering when Castiel would return to him. Dean almost ached for it, that damn light that brightened his world and made him question his sanity.

But he didn't get it that night.

Instead, the moment he drifted out of consciousness, he found himself in a white room. It didn't seem to have any walls or corners, it was just… white. Luckily, it wasn't blinding. Castiel seemed to be getting things right this time. At least, Dean _hoped_ this was Castiel's doing. _As if the guy is real_ , Dean thought, rolling his eyes at himself. _I really_ am _losing it_.

"Hello, Dean."

Spinning on his heels, Dean came face to face with… "Castiel?" It was the same guy he'd been checking out at Jo's party, he was sure of it. Dark brown hair, blue eyes, a tan trenchcoat worn unflatteringly over his suit.

The man gave him a small smile, nodding. "Yes."

Dean stood dumbfounded. "No, I… I saw you. Just a few hours ago, at the party."

Castiel lowered his gaze, frowning as he shook his head. "No."

"Cas, I'm telling you-"

"You must be confused, Dean," Castiel said firmly. "I don't exist outside of your dreams."

Dean shut his mouth, biting his tongue when a fond smile crossed Castiel's face. "What?"

"You called me 'Cas'."

Dean blinked, looking up as he recalled his prior words. "Uh, yeah. I did." He smirked when Castiel looked away sheepishly. "What, people don't call you that?"

"No."

"Huh." Dean glanced around the room before taking a few steps toward the other man. "So, what's with the, uh, lack of architecture?"

Castiel followed Dean's gaze across the ceiling with a frown. "I've told you before, it's… difficult to appear in human form. I couldn't concentrate my abilities on both my body and the scenery of your dream."

Nodding, Dean's eyes met Cas's and he smirked. "And what would be your, uh, natural form, then? You got a tail? Or maybe you're literally a light."

Cas thinned his lips, turning away from Dean with an exasperated sigh. "You will never learn of my true identity," he said. "I thought I had made that clear."

"Right," Dean sighed, then gestured up and down the man's body. "What's with the freakin' trenchcoat, man? It was like, mid seventies the other day. Not exactly bundle-up weather." He raised a brow as the corner of his mouth twitched. "Or is it cold where you're from?"

"You will never learn where I'm from," Castiel reminded, earning an eyeroll from Dean. He looked down at his apparel as though it were new to him, raising a hand to pull at the collar before looking back at Dean. "It was the first outfit I saw."

"And when was that?"

"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't-"

" _I'd_ appreciate it if you'd tell me who the hell you are and why the hell you're showing up in my dreams like some sorta stalker-hypnotist-magician-creep," Dean demanded, glaring at the man across from him.

Castiel clenched his jaw and made tight fists with both his hands before letting them relax at his sides and looking up at Dean. "It's better for both your safety and mine that you don't know."

Dean bit his tongue, then tilted his head to stare at the dull ceiling above him as he began to chuckle. "Maybe this is really all me," he mused. "I must have made you up as like, some sorta coping thing after…" He ran a hand through his hair and sucked in a sharp breath. "And then I saw that guy tonight and decided you'd have his body."

"Believe what you must about myself and your sanity, if it will keep you from asking."

Dean sighed, lowering his head and looking up at Cas through his lashes. "You're a dick, y'know that?"

Castiel pursed his lips, and, wow, apparently Sam wasn't the only one who excelled in the art of bitchfacing at him. Cas was definitely hotter when he did it, though. _Fuck_ , he was hot. Wow.

"Hot, but a dick," Dean mumbled to himself as he looked away. When he looked back up, Cas was frowning at him, tilting his head to the side like a confused kitten. _Okay_ , he thought, _hot and kinda adorable_. And _a dick_.

"Adorable?" Castiel's frown deepened at Dean's thoughts, and the mechanic recoiled as he widened his eyes at him.

"Dude. Stay out of my head," Dean said defensively, brushing non-existent dust from his shoulder as he tore his gaze away from Castiel's inquisitive stare.

Cas _smirked_ , and Dean wasn't sure if it was hot or terrifying as the man began stepping toward him. "That would make this very difficult."

"W-what?"

"I can't stay out of your head, given that it's the only place we can meet." Cas sighed, looking up for a moment before settling his gaze on the visibly flustered man in front of him. "But, I suppose I can try not to hear your thoughts, if it makes you uncomfortable. It _is_ difficult, though. You think quite loudly."

Dean groaned, licking his lips before dragging a hand down his face. "This is insane." He eyed Cas warily and shook his head. "So, what's this about, then?"

"I don't understand," Castiel frowned.

"You got a particular reason for visiting me in my sleep? Is it a kinky thing?" Dean sighed, annoyed when Cas could do nothing more than tilt his head and knit his brows. "It's a… never mind. Why are you here, Cas?"

"I'd like to get to know you. To bond with you."

Dean cocked a brow at the other man. "'S that supposed to sound as creepy as it did?"

"I don't intend to be 'creepy', no," Cas answered, making finger quotes as he spoke, which prompted Dean to laugh. "What?"

"You're a weird guy, Cas," Dean said, rubbing his forehead with the tips of his fingers.

Castiel shot him another bitchface, which Dean was a little too excited about, and inspected his hands as though they were new to him. _They probably are_ , Dean thought. "I'm not used to… humanity. I've only ever observed it from afar."

"Ah, so you're an alien." Dean nodded, the corners of his mouth turning down as he began shaking his head. "Yeah, weird."

"I suppose I am an alien in your eyes," Cas said. "I'll confirm as much."

"Great. Thanks, E.T.," Dean quipped. "I feel a lot less crazy."

"By 'E.T.' you're referring to the term 'extraterrestrial', right?"

Dean snorted, turning away from Castiel. "So, how often you gonna be invading my brain?"

"As often as I can."

"Awesome," the mechanic sighed, somehow growing tired within his own dream. "When's this over?"

"What?"

"When will you leave me alone?"

Castiel was at his side before Dean knew it, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "That isn't what you truly want, is it?" It sounded more like a statement than a question, and Dean shrugged out of his grasp to glare at Cas. "I don't mean to upset you, Dean. But… I've been watching you. You've been wanting me to return, I know it."

 _It's not real, it's not real, it's not real_.

"It's as real as it can be at the moment, Dean. Please, try to understand."

"How the fuck am I supposed to understand when you _won't tell me anything_?" Dean snapped. "Yeah, okay, I've been wanting you to show up for a while now. You're a distraction. But now I'm thinking I'm going nuts, and that is _so_ not what I need right now."

Cas gave the man a sympathetic look and shook his head. "You are not 'going nuts', Dean. You're safe. Your mind is functioning as it should be. And," he reached out to touch Dean's shoulder again, "I want to help you recover. From the accident, and the pain you've had to endure in your life."

"Thanks, Dr. Phil." Dean sighed, reaching up to take Castiel's hand and brush it off his shoulder. "Look, I don't know what this is, but… I know that the past two dreams I've had have made me…"

"Happy? You seemed happy."

"Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, I like it, I just…" _God, I feel ridiculous. He's either something I made up and I'm talking to myself or he's a_ fucking alien. _What the hell?_

Castiel smiled softly. "Don't feel ridiculous, Dean. Allow yourself to be happy. You deserve it."

"I thought I told you to stay out of my damn head?"

"And I told you that you think too loud."

Dean chuckled despite himself and shook his head. "Alright. Okay. Sanity be damned, I'm gonna just… let this happen."

"Let what happen?" Castiel's head began to tilt again, earning a grin from Dean.

"Damn it, you're…," the mechanic sighed. "Never mind. I'm gonna let you be a part of my dreams or whatever and I won't question it."

Cas returned Dean's smile and nodded. "Good."

"So, uh… What do we talk about?" Dean brought a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck.

"What do you want to talk about?"

Dean shrugged. "I dunno."

"Would you like to talk about your father?"

Dean laughed and shook his head. "Man, you really are Dr. Phil, aren't you?" Cas simply frowned and remained silent. "No, I don't really wanna talk about my dad right now, Cas."

"May I ask you something, then?"

Shrugging, Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and said, "Shoot."

"Would you be willing to… to watch some of the things you've been referencing when you wake up?" Castiel was staring at the ground with a frown.

"Uh, what?"

"I'm aware that you've been making references to things such as film and television characters, but… I've never… I'd like to understand them." Cas met Dean's gaze then, and mimicked the shrug he'd seen the man do moments before. "I can watch you during the day," he paused to hold up a finger when Dean opened his mouth. "No, I cannot tell you how. But, I can see you, and what you see… Will you show me-"

"I ain't watching Dr. Phil for you, Cas."

"Then, watch your favorite film. Or an important piece of human, um, 'pop culture'."

Dean grinned. "I'll do a Star Wars marathon next chance I get."

"Alright," Cas mumbled, looking down.

"Aw, you don't gotta be embarrassed about it, Cas," Dean teased, moving to nudge the man- or, alien, as far as Dean knew, in the shoulder.

"I'm not-"

"Uh-huh, sure." Dean smiled, deciding to sit cross-legged on the floor and motioning for Castiel to do the same. "So, uh… Now what?"

"I suppose we should find something to talk about," Cas said as he sat beside Dean rather than across from him. _Freakin' weirdo_ , the mechanic thought. "Hey."

"What?" Dean asked innocently, turning his head to meet Castiel's offended frown.

"That was rude."

Dean beamed. "Sorry."

"You don't seem sorry."

"Yeah, I'm really not," Dean chuckled, leaning into Cas and bumping the man on the shoulder with his own.

Castiel narrowed his eyes at the laughing man beside him and shook his head. "Humans are… strange."

"Says the guy who was made of light until he 'manifested' himself in a trenchcoat."

"Technically it's an overcoat."

"Okay, buddy."

Suddenly, Cas looked above him and stood. "I need to leave."

"What?" Dean stood along with the other man. "Why?"

"I'm being called for," Castiel stated simply before disappearing. "Goodbye, Dean." His voice echoed throughout the room as it faded into Dean's bedroom.

"What the hell, Cas?!"

Dean woke a few hours later, but the last thing he remembered was Castiel ditching him. "Damn fucking alien creep Dr. Phil weirdo," he mumbled, rolling out of bed and glaring at his obnoxious door before realizing it was being knocked on from the other side. _Get your shit together, damn it_ , he scolded himself. "What is it, Charlie?"

"Bobby called here," the girl replied from outside his room. "He said you're two hours late and you didn't answer your cell."

The clock read 10:04 a.m. when Dean shot a wary look at it. "Shit, _shit_." He scrambled to get dressed as his roommate called to him from the other side of his door.

"You okay in there?"

"Yeah, just…," _Castiel_ , he thought, annoyed. "My life."

Charlie chuckled when Dean opened the door, reaching up to fix his hair. "Well, Bobby didn't seem too upset. He just said to get there when you could."

"Damn guy's been too nice to me lately."

Shrugging as she followed him into the kitchen, Charlie told Dean, "He cares about you. And after what happened-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Charlie." Dean poured some cereal into a bowl and sighed.

"You sure you're okay?" the redhead asked with a frown.

"Just been having some weird-ass dreams that kinda throw me off when I wake up, 's all."

Nodding, Charlie grinned. "I know how that is. Just the other night, I dreamt I was Queen of a magical land, and when I woke up-"

"I'm skipping breakfast, you go on and eat this. I gotta go."

"Rude," Charlie said, taking a seat at the table and pouring milk into the abandoned bowl.

Dean winced as he grabbed his keys off the counter. "Sorry," he said, bending down to kiss his roommate on the forehead. "Just a little stressed."

"Apparently."

"Oh," Dean said, pausing before he went out the door. "Wanna watch the original Star Wars movies tonight?" he asked with a smile.

Charlie beamed back at him. "Don't I always?"

"Awesome." Dean winked before closing the door behind him and heading off to work. _Happy, Cas_?


	6. Chapter 6

It was a few days until Dean saw Castiel again. But, this time, he wasn't dreaming.

 _That's_ got _to be him_ , he thought to himself as he stared at the man who sat a few tables away from him. Jo was running late, so he was left to wait at an uptown, outdoor cafe by himself. After a few minutes of sneaking stares at the guy, who was even wearing that damn trenchcoat, Dean was about to get up and confront him. Just as he stood, a waiter walked in front of him and, when he passed, the man was gone. "What the hell…?"

"What?"

Dean turned around to see Jo, quirking a brow at him as she took a seat at the table. "Nothing, just, uh… thought I saw someone."

"The city's not that big, so… you probably did."

"Not this guy," Dean said, shaking his head.

"Who?" Jo asked, picking up a menu and scanning over it.

Dean groaned and looked above him, squinting in the sunlight. "No one."

"C'mon, who?"

"Let it go, Jo."

Rolling her eyes, Jo sighed as she set down her menu and leaned forward. "Fine. So, what's new?"

"Not much." _Castiel is fucking hot and I swear he was_ right there _like a minute ago._ Dean glanced down, blowing a puff of air out of his mouth before looking back up at Jo. "You enjoy your birthday party?"

The blonde smirked at Dean, shaking her head with a chuckle. "That was several days ago, Dean. Is there really nothing else to talk about?" When the mechanic shrugged, Jo leaned back in her seat. "We need to drag you out more. You're getting to be a bore."

Dean quirked a brow. "Who's 'we'?"

"Me, Anna, Sam, Jess, Charlie… hell, I don't care. Just get out of your damn apartment!"

"Hey, I _do_ go to work, y'know."

"Oh, you social butterfly, you."

Despite himself, Dean chuckled. "Shut up."

Jo sat up as she watched a waiter approach, pointing a finger at Dean. "We're not done, here." She gave him a pointed look when he snorted and proceeded to order a chicken salad and water.

"Really?" Dean asked as the waiter walked away.

"Your brother's habits are rubbing off on me, I guess," Jo said, shrugging, then gesturing at the mechanic across from her. "Besides, you didn't even _order_ , so don't be judging me for-"

Dean picked up his mug and set it back down with a clank. "Coffee. It's _empty_. Because _someone_ was late."

"Coffee."

"Yeah."

"That's not lunch."

"'Course it's not. I needed _food_ , so I swung by a burger joint on the way here."

Jo snorted, shaking her head at her friend. "You're not gonna make it to 50 if you keep that up."

 _Who says I_ want _to make it to 50?_ Dean closed his eyes, shrugging away the thought before smirking across the table. "Who told you that? Sam?" At Jo's silence, Dean chuckled. "Right. Nerd."

"Well excuse us if we care about our health," Jo teased.

With an exasperated, and dramatically exaggerated sigh, Dean leaned back in his chair as the waiter brought Jo's food to the table.

"So," the young woman began as soon as they were alone, "how are things with… is it Castiel?"

Dean sat up, glancing around as he nodded and mumbled, "Fine."

"Just 'fine'?"

"Yup."

"C'mon, man, what's up?"

"He was human," Dean said before he could think to stop himself. "He said he's like an alien, but he was human in my dream the other night. And he is really, seriously hot."

Jo shrugged and took a bite of her salad. "You probably saw him somewhere and your subconscious decided to use that face for your weird-ass dream."

"I actually think I saw him at your party," Dean said, then gestured behind him with his thumb. "Back there, too. Just before you showed up."

Frowning, Jo asked, "Why didn't you talk to him? You could've used a 'man of my dreams' sorta line."

Dean chuckled. "Right. No, he was gone before I could get to him. And I don't know if he's… y'know."

"Gay? Bi?" Jo supplied, brow quirked as her lips formed a smirk. She leaned forward and said, voice in a whisper, "You don't have to be afraid to use gay words in public. It's not a secret."

"It is with me," Dean mumbled, scanning the area for potential eavesdroppers.

Nodding, Jo sat back and dropped the issue. "So, anyway… Besides the sexy alien in your brain, what's going on?"

"Did Sam tell you he's staying? Jess, too."

Jo's eyebrows shot up as she took a sip of water. "Really? How long?"

"Dunno."

"They gonna stay at Bobby's?"

"Yep."

"Cool."

"Yup."

The blonde huffed, half-rolling her eyes as she shook her head in disbelief. "Okay, come on. Seriously, what's going on?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You're being… I dunno, Dean, but you're quieter than usual."

"Maybe I'm tired."

"Maybe you're tired." Jo sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, then, "Okay, fine."

Thinning his lips, Dean leaned forward and jabbed the air between him and Jo with his finger. "You want me to open up, is that it? Get all emotional and come to you with all my problems?" Before Jo could open her mouth to answer, Dean let out a bitter laugh and shook his head. "I don't need that. I'm doing fine on my own. I don't need any of your chick flick bullshit. Sam, too. God, you both are driving me insane! Just give me some damn space to breathe, already! I'm managing, okay?! I'm getting by just fine on my own. Like I always do. So save the emotional crap for someone who needs it. Someone who _wants_ it."

"I'm just trying to be a good friend, Dean," Jo said, lowering her voice and making direct eye contact with her friend. "I just want you to feel comfortable talking to me, about anything."

"You wanna be a good friend? Back off. Give me some space."

Jo raised her hands in surrender and focused her gaze on her plate. "Alright. Okay. I'm sorry."

"God damn it," Dean muttered, squeezing his eyes shut in guilt. "Don't be sorry. Just… I get what you're trying to do, but I don't… I don't want it."

Nodding to herself, Jo poked at her salad with her fork and said, "Alright. Understood."

There were a few minutes of silence as Jo finished her lunch before Dean announced that he needed to leave.

"Already?"

"I got work to do. Need to fix the Impala," Dean said, standing from his chair and grabbing his wallet and keys off the table.

"How's it coming?"

"She'll be running again within the next week, if I keep working."

Jo smiled warmly. "Good."

"Yeah. Okay, see you, then."

"Tell Castiel I said 'hey' next time you see him," Jo called with a smirk.

Dean tried and failed to hide his smile. "Shut up."

After a long day of mechanical work, Dean fell asleep almost as soon as he flopped down onto his bed. When he awoke, he was lying, fully clothed, in a field of grass. As he moved to his feet, he frowned at the lack of… anything. There was nothing besides grass and a blue, cloudless sky. It seemed to have no end in sight, and there were no signs of life in the field. "I'm… not awake. Right."

"Yes, that is correct."

Dean turned to find none other than Castiel behind him with a somewhat satisfied smile on his face. "Working on your landscaping skills, huh?" He ran his gaze over the other man's attire and frowned. "Dude, do you ever change your clothes?"

Tilting his head, Castiel asked, "Why would I need to?"

Chuckling, Dean leaned back on his heels and shook his head. "Guess you don't, since you only exist in… Hey, I saw you today. Again. I saw you on Jo's birthday and I saw you today at that cafe."

"I think you're mistaken."

"I think you're not telling me something."

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean, thinning his lips for a moment before suggesting, "Perhaps your friend Jo was right."

 _Oh, come on,_ the mechanic thought, _not you too!_ "I don't need to be babied, Cas. If you wanna have some stupid girly talk, go find someone else and let me wake up."

"I… don't understand," Castiel said with a frown.

"Jo's not right about that emotional bullshit! And even if she is, I don't need it!"

"Oh. That. No, Dean, I was referring to her statement about your subconscious choosing a face for me. You should believe that."

"Oh." Dean snapped his jaw shut and focused his attention on the grass below him. "I should just 'believe that'? Really? That sounds kinda… avoiding. You're avoiding the question."

"You never asked a question."

"Did I see you today or not?"

Castiel turned his head, shoving his hands in the pockets of his trenchcoat. "I can't answer that, Dean. Please try not to think about it."

Dean clenched his jaw and shook his head. "No, you tell me if you're real."

"You wouldn't believe me without some sort of proof, Dean. And I can't provide that for you. So, as I said before, believe what you must about me. Just don't ask anymore questions."

"Yeah, I remember." Dean muttered, "And you're still a dick."

"I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"I'm 'trying to say' that you're being really fucking inconsiderate."

Castiel sighed. "I thought we had already established that I am not telling you anything in order to keep us both safe."

"Yeah, well… Whatever _that_ means."

"You don't need to know what it means." Cas tilted his head, frowning at the other man. "You said you wanted to just 'let this happen' and accept that I am here without questioning it. Because I am a 'distraction' and I make you happy, right?"

Dean snorted, mostly because Castiel had actually used finger quotes as he spoke. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then looked back at the other man with a smile. "Okay. You're right. Okay." After a moment, Dean realized something was on his shoulder. He glanced down at it and found a monarch butterfly, slowing moving its wings and just chillin' out right there on his jacket. When he looked back up at Cas, the trenchcoated man was smiling proudly. "Did you put that there?"

"It took a bit of concentration, but yes."

Dean couldn't help but beam at Castiel's achievement. Butterflies were nothing special to him, but this guy seemed really damn proud of himself for making it, and that made the winged insect _really fucking cool_. "That's awesome, Cas."

"Thank you." Castiel smiled, then waved a hand and the butterfly disappeared. "It couldn't stay too long. It missed its home in California."

"You… That thing was real?" Dean asked with arched brows.

"Yes."

"How in the hell am I supposed to believe that you took something from the real world and set it in my dream?"

"Well," Castiel began, stepping closer to the other man and gesturing at the sky with his hand, "I brought _you_ here, didn't I?"

Dean blinked. "Um. No? This is happening inside my mind…"

Castiel was quiet for a moment, seemingly questioning whether or not he should say anything. "That is actually not the case, Dean. You're… I shouldn't be telling you this."

"What?"

"You're physically here, Dean. That's how you can feel things. Like the wind on your face."

"There isn't any wind." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Castiel practically smirked as a blast of air hit the mechanic's face. Dean staggered back a bit, holding his hands up and shaking his head. "No, no, no… that's not… That felt too real."

"That's because it _was_ real. When I appeared to you in the form of light, you could feel my warmth on your body." Castiel moved closer and reached out to put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "You can feel my hand on your shoulder because you're actually here. Well, if someone were to enter your room at this very moment, they'd find you asleep on your bed, but… I don't know how to explain it to you, Dean. But, yes. You are here. This isn't just a dream. It's a… I suppose it's like a secret place that I created and have brought you to. I can't… I shouldn't say anything more." The strange being eyed Dean warily, stepping back and removing his hand from the man's shoulder. "I have already said too much. I'm sorry."

Dean stood frozen for a moment, his mouth slightly open as he stared wide-eyed at Castiel. When the other man was about to say something, Dean raised a hand. "Y'know what? I don't want to know. I don't want to even _think_ about how crazy all this is. I can't be going crazy right now. I don't have the time or energy for that."

"You're not going crazy, Dean. I assure you."

"Says the alien in my brain."

Castiel pursed his lips and shook his head. "Perhaps you should look at it this way: If I am not real, then you are making me up to cope, correct? That is your way of helping yourself become healthy, and it reveals nothing about your sanity. If I _am_ real, then this is beyond your understanding, and… beyond your control. So, in either circumstance, there's nothing for you to worry about."

"But how the hell am I supposed to look at it? Are you real or not?!"

"I've told you before, Dean. I cannot settle that matter for you. You have to decide. You can have faith in me, or not."

"Faith," Dean parroted dumbly. "Seriously? Faith?"

Knitting his brows, Cas tilted his head and asked, "What's wrong with choosing faith?"

Dean snorted, crossing his arms. "Do you know anything about my life?"

"You're afraid," Castiel deduced with a short nod.

"No, I'm just not an idiot."

Taking a step closer, Castiel stated, "Good things _do_ happen, Dean. Perhaps there's a pattern in your life that suggests otherwise, but… I _will_ show you that it won't always be that bad."

"And how're you gonna do that?"

Castiel smiled. "I'm going to be your friend."


	7. Chapter 7

Friends weren't really Dean's area of expertise. Sure, he had a few buddies from school, and he occasionally hung out with some vaguely cool people he'd met at bars, but, other than Charlie and Jo, the mechanic didn't consistently keep up with any of his acquaintances. And, given Castiel's supposed alien origins, Dean figured he didn't know much about friendship, either. That didn't keep the guy from trying, though.

"Dean, what do you enjoy doing?" Castiel asked as soon as the man fell asleep the next evening. "In your spare time, I mean. What are your 'hobbies'?"

As Dean blinked into focus, he smirked at the new atmosphere and sat up. "You made my living room. How the hell did you do that?" Standing from the couch, the mechanic rubbed the side of his head and frowned. "I don't feel… great."

"That is probably due to the fact that you drank quite a lot of alcohol before you went to sleep." Taking a few steps closer to Dean, Castiel reached out and placed two fingers on the man's forehead. "You should feel better, now." Dean furrowed his brow as the other man continued, "To answer your question, I've been watching you. When you're awake, sometimes I observe your surroundings. I've been training myself to create similar environments here in my spare time."

Dean blinked at the other man a few times before shaking his head, trying to hide a smile. "Well, that's… creepy."

"How is that 'creepy', Dean?" Castiel tilted his head, squinting at the mechanic. "Isn't that what friends do? Pay attention to one another?"

"Not _that_ much attention, dude."

Cas was silent a moment, then said, "My apologies. You have yet to answer my question, though."

"Hm?"

"What are your 'hobbies'?"

With a smirk, Dean mimicked Castiel's finger quotes as he said, "My 'hobbies' are… Uh, I dunno. Fixing cars?"

"That is your job, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah…"

"Can a job count as a hobby?"

Dean shrugged. "I guess."

"Hm." Castiel nodded to himself, then looked back up at Dean and asked, "What are your other interests, then?"

Grinning, Dean shoved his hands in his pockets, vaguely aware that Castiel had somehow dressed him in his favorite jeans for the occasion, and leaned back against the arm of the couch. "Music, for one thing. But, _good_ music. Like, Led Zep, AC/DC, Metallica…"

"I have no idea what that means."

"They're bands, Cas. Musicians. Artists. Anyway, so, there's music, and then… bars, I guess. Drinking-"

"Which doesn't sound like a particularly healthy habit," Castiel interjected.

Tossing the other man a frown, Dean continued, "Watching TV, uh, the occasional strip club, I guess…"

"Yes, I observed the last time you attended one of those events." Castiel crossed his arms, adding, "It was full of drunken debauchery."

"Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it," Dean quipped.

"I am an a… not human, I have no use for engaging in sensual activity."

Quirking a brow, Dean leaned forward from the couch and took a step toward his new supposed friend. "You're a… what, now?"

"Dean, please."

Dean raised his hands and backed up. "Okay, right, sorry."

"Surely you must enjoy something else, besides these… earthly pleasures."

"I live on Earth, Cas. What other kind of pleasures are there?"

"I… don't know. But, I don't know how to relate to you as a friend. Friends are supposed to have some 'common ground' to connect with each other from."

"Well, I don't have much 'common ground' with anyone in my fucked up life, so. Good luck with that."

"Perhaps that's why you don't have any friends."

"Thanks, Cas."

"I don't mean to offend. I'm simply acknowledging that your life lacks… interest. You don't seem to be passionate about anything."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Well, then, I guess we won't be very good friends. Sorry I'm such a bore."

"You don't bore me, Dean. I find you extremely interesting. I just want to be able to share your passions." After a moment, Castiel wondered aloud, "Perhaps you have a more abstract passion."

"Such as?"

"You seem to be very fixated on protecting people, especially those closest to you. Your brother, and Jo, and-"

"Dude, the fact that you know this is kinda, like, really creepy." At Castiel's frown, Dean let out a light laugh and shook his head. "I dunno, man. I guess I'm, uh, 'passionate' about fixing things. Cars, specifically, but just… I like knowing that I'm fixing things in general."

Nodding, Castiel said, "It's a form of control. I can see why you'd find fulfillment in that."

"What's that s'posed to mean?"

"Your life has been affected by many dark circumstances that were out of your control."

"And?"

Castiel gave a light shrug. "It stands to reason that you'd like to fix anything that you can."

With a sigh, Dean threw himself on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. "Thanks, Doc. How much'll this session cost me?"

"I don't understand that reference."

"Yeah, maybe you should be observing a bit more of human life, then."

Cas huffed and crossed his arms. "I _do_ have other duties to attend to, you know."

"No, I don't know, because you only seem interested in talking about _me_." Dean gave the other man an exaggerated grin before rolling his eyes and leaning his head back against the couch. "Don't _you_ have any 'hobbies', Cas? What's _your_ passion, hm?"

"You're my hobby," Castiel stated plainly, ignoring Dean's mildly amused expression as he moved to sit beside the man. "I suppose my passion is… caring for people. I want to help anyone that I can, however I am able. Animals, too. Every living thing that is in need of assistance."

Letting out a low whistle, Dean shook his head. "Boy, Cas, that's a heavy burden to bear."

"Well, I don't take it upon myself to save the whole world. I understand that I have limitations."

Dean snorted, staring blankly ahead at the TV set. "That's great, Cas."

"You seem unamused."

"No, it's cool," the mechanic said, sitting up straight and turning his head to meet Castiel's gaze. "Really, Cas, it's great that you care about people. Yay for you."

Cas narrowed his eyes at the man. "Are you being sarcastic?"

"No, I'm serious, damn it," Dean chuckled. "Look, I just… This is a bit too deep of a conversation for new friends to be having, don't you think?"

"I have never had a friend, so I don't know what the proper etiquette is on a 'first date'."

If Dean had been drinking milk at the time, it would have come out his nose. But, given the circumstances, he instead made a strange choking sound as a blush rose to his cheeks. "Uh, I don't know where you're learning your human terminology, Cas, but I think you're getting it from the wrong people."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean a 'first date' is a romantic thing… You don't go on dates with friends."

"Oh."

Dean tried not to chuckle as he watched Castiel's expression turn from confusion to… _Is he blushing?_ Dean blinked at the other man. _He's fucking blushing_.

"My apologies," Castiel muttered, glancing down at his hands. "I'm… not used to all this."

Dean tried and failed to hide his smile as he nodded. "It's okay, I get it. Well, I don't really get it but, uh… Yeah."

Raising his gaze to Dean, Castiel thinned his lips. "Perhaps I should observe you more closely, when I can. It will help me understand you better, so that we can become close friends."

"Sure, Cas. Nothing's stopping you."

Castiel tilted his head. "Do you want me to stop?"

"I never said that."

Frowning, Cas looked down and said, "Still, it seems as though you are uncomfortable in my presence at times."

"Well… I don't know you, and you want to know, like, everything about me, which is weird."

"It's weird?" Castiel asked, raising his brows to glance up at Dean without lifting his head.

"I'm not really… I dunno, man. I don't have very many friends. I'm not the best guy to hang around. Why me?" Dean huffed and gestured to the room around him with his hand. "I mean, if you can make all this, to get to know some random human… why me?"

Castiel fixed his eyes on Dean for a good five seconds or so before turning away from the mechanic completely. "I cannot answer that."

"Okay." Dean scrunched his lips up under his nose and shook his head. "Right." _Add that to the list of suspicious answers from the so-called alien in my brain_ , the man thought. It took a few minutes before Dean finally asked, "So, you gonna start stalking me even more, now, huh?"

Turning to face the other man, Castiel gave him a mild smirk and said, "Nothing's stopping me."

And stalk him, Cas did. Or, at least, that's what the mechanic couldn't help but think when he was working under the Impala the next day and caught sight of some footprints that he was certain weren't there before he'd rolled beneath the car. He frowned after calling out his brother's name and receiving no response. "Bobby?" Dean guessed. "Jess? Jo? Anna? Ellen? Seriously, who the hell is out there?"

With an exasperated sigh, Dean pulled himself out from under the car and squinted in the sunlight as he scanned the area. Glancing back down at the ground, the mechanic squatted to better assess the footprints. They were definitely not from his boots, and he was pretty sure they were too small to be Sammy's. "...Cas?" Dean looked around him to ensure no one heard him as he hesitantly repeated, "Cas?"

After a few moments of getting the sinking feeling that he was being a fucking idiot, Dean blew a puff of air from his mouth and moved to slide back beneath the Impala.

It was about half an hour later that Dean suddenly emerged from his workspace with the intent of getting some much-needed lunch. However, upon entering the garage, he found Castiel standing at his desk, seemingly looking over the clutter on it. Before he could open his mouth to say the man's name, Castiel turned around and disappeared without a word.

"What. The. Hell." Dean glanced around the place as though he'd missed something. "What the hell?!"

"What's wrong, Dean?"

Dean spun on his heels, startled by Jess's curious voice. "How long have you been there?"

"What?"

"Did you see a guy in here? Just a few seconds ago?"

"Um, no…," the blonde replied, following Dean's paranoid gaze around the garage. "Dean, I made sandwiches for lunch, if you want." Frowning at the man, Jess asked, "Are you okay?"

Blinking, Dean let out a deep breath as he dragged a dirty hand down his face. "I… I'm fine. Just seeing things. Totally normal."

"Like… hallucinating?"

"Maybe. I dunno."

Jess thinned her lips, looking thoughtful for a moment before suggesting, "Maybe you should see a doctor?"

"I don't think they can help me."

"They're trained to help you. If you tell them what's going on, they might be able to offer a solution."

"Like what, shoving pills down my throat?" Dean waved a hand. "I'll deal with it. It's fine."

Sighing, Jessica turned to head back toward the house. "Alright, well, don't forget lunch."

"Be there in a sec," Dean said, moving to his desk. He ran his gaze over the junk that Cas had apparently been looking through a few minutes earlier. Just a bunch of random papers and tools he'd left unorganized for the past few weeks. Jo had been pestering him to clean it up the last time she was there, but none of it was particularly important, so he'd never bothered. "What about this is so damn interesting to you?"

Charlie, of course, knew something was up with Dean the moment he got home. She gently pestered him until he gave in and told her he thought he'd seen someone in the garage earlier.

"Who?" the redhead asked.

"No one, just…," Dean sighed as he plopped down on the couch, "no one."

"Oookay. Well, do you think he was stealing or something?"

"No, Charlie, he was… not real. I saw him, he disappeared, and he's not real. I hallucinated or some shit like that. It's happened more than once, with this same guy I've never met."

Raising her brows, Charlie nodded. "Okay, weird. Who else knows?"

"Jo, sorta. And Jess."

"What'd they say?" the girl asked as she leaned over the back of the couch a bit.

"Jo doesn't know about today, and Jess said I should see a doctor. She even brought it up in front of Sam at lunch, and then he was all worried and wanting me to get help…" Dean groaned, leaning back and squeezing his eyes shut. "Do these people have no other solution than to ask some overpaid asshole for their opinion?"

"Are you going to go?"

"See a doctor?" Dean asked incredulously, opening his eyes to shoot his roommate an annoyed glare.

Charlie shrugged. "I'm not real big on doctor visits, but maybe you should see a psychologist or something. At least then you could tell your brother you're taking care of it and he could let it go."

Dean opened and closed his mouth a few times before muttering in defeat, "Damn you." He stood from the couch and made his way to his room, pulling out his cell and ready to schedule an appointment with the first cheap brain doctor he could find. "You'd better be fucking happy, Sam," Dean said under his breath as he began dialing a number.

" _Hello, this is Layla Rourke. How can I help you?_ "

Taking a deep breath, Dean managed to say, "I'm calling 'cause my little brother is pestering me to get help."

" _I understand. Would you like to schedule an appointment?_ "

"Doesn't look like I have a choice."

" _No one can force you to seek professional treatment against your will unless you are a danger to others. Are you a danger to others?_ "

Dean tried not to chuckle. "Doubt it. Been seeing some weird crap, though."

" _As in hallucinating?_ "

"Apparently," the mechanic sighed, leaning back on his bed and running his free hand through his hair. "I mean, I've been dreaming about this guy who doesn't exist and now I'm seeing him everywhere, so. Wow, that sounds so much crazier when you say it out loud." Dean laughed despite himself. "Am I crazy, doc?"

" _I don't believe so. Something in your life has probably triggered all this. I can do my best to get to the root of the problem if you make an appointment, and we can work on solving it from there. What is your name?_ "

Dean was silent a moment as Castiel's face popped into his head. _Dammit_. He remembered how real his dreams felt, and how convincing Cas was in his limited explanation of the phenomenon. What if, just maybe, Castiel was real? Why would he want to get rid of that? Could a doctor even help him anyway? _Dammit, dammit, dammit. Shit._ "Look, you sound nice, really," Dean began, "but… I don't know that I need this. I think it's just stress. Or something. Yeah. I, uh, I've got it figured out. Never mind. Thanks and goodnight." He hung up without waiting for a reply. No one was going to try to take Castiel away from him.

"You are foolish, Dean."

"Thanks, Cas, I think you're pretty awesome, too," Dean sighed as he rolled out of bed and onto his feet. Castiel had figured out how to balance creating the environment of Dean's room and "manifesting" himself in human form. The mechanic would have congratulated him on the achievement if Cas hadn't been staring him down like he'd been utterly betrayed.

"Telling Jessica about me was unwise, and calling Layla… Dean, it's unsafe to tell others about me!"

"Look, I didn't make an appointment, okay?" the mechanic said, frowning at a scowling Castiel. "I didn't even give her my name. It's fine."

Castiel clenched his jaw, crossing his arms as he looked away from the other man. "You never know who may be listening."

Raising his brows, Dean leaned his head forward inquisitively. "What?"

"My superiors are good observers when they need to be. When they suspect one of us is…"

"Is what? Wait, you have 'superiors'?"

"I'm disobeying orders by being with you, Dean! Every minute I'm here with you, I risk being found out. And then… I don't know what would happen to me. Or to you!"

Dean could hardly process the information being thrown at him, but, sensing Cas's concern, he found himself becoming as passionate as the other man about the situation. "Then why the hell are you even here right now?!"

"Because I _need_ you!"

Castiel looked so desperate, so lost, all Dean could do was blink at the man. He couldn't find an appropriate response, so he waited for Cas to expand on his previous statement.

"Dean, I…," Cas began after a moment, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. "I cannot explain this to you, because I don't understand it, myself. Human emotions are… foreign, to me. I never knew I was capable of them, but… Dean, when I met you, I realized I could feel something other than… than dedication to my superiors. That taking care of people isn't the same as caring _about_ them. And I still cannot grasp the complexity of these new feelings, but… I want more. I _need_ more. I want to learn how to be like you. I want to feel connected with someone, not just responsible for them…" As he trailed off, Castiel's skin paled and he looked up at Dean with wide eyes. "I… please forget what I've just said. Please don't think about it. I've said too much.

"Holy… shit, Cas." Dean reciprocated the other man's expression, then released a deep breath and nodded. "Well, okay, then."

"What?" Castiel demanded, and Dean couldn't tell if he was being impatient or flat out paranoid.

"Nothing. It's… Look, I don't get you. Like, where you come from and how your world works or whatever. But… I don't want you to leave. And I want to help you in your little quest to be human however I can, okay?"

"It isn't exactly a 'little' quest, since I could be tortured and killed for pursuing this. And I don't want to _be_ human, I just want to be-"

"Part of my world?" Dean interrupted with a chuckle. He leaned back on his heels, smirking at Castiel's furrowed brow as he shook his head. "Man, so many things I am gonna have to teach you. So. Many. Things."

Castiel reached out and placed a hand on Dean's shoulder. "But you must promise not to tell anyone about this. For your safety, and mine."

"Yeah, got it."

"Thank you, Dean." The man put his hands in his pockets and gave Dean a small smile. "I believe I can trust you with this."

With a smirk, the mechanic spread his arms and said, "What are friends for?"

"Companionship, I believe."

"That was... Never mind," Dean said, shaking his head as he moved to sit on the edge of his bed. "So, what are we gonna do? Any plans?"

"Whatever you'd like to do, if I can manage it."

Folding his arms over his chest, Dean leaned forward a bit and asked, "You can create pretty much any sort of scene, here, huh?"

"With enough concentration, yes. Although, in order to create a certain environment, I would need to witness it first."

Dean smirked. "I have a homework assignment for you, buddy."


	8. Chapter 8

It took Castiel a few days to get everything figured out, but, when he finally got it together, he didn't disappoint. Dean was surrounded by noise the moment he fell asleep, and his eyes shot open. "Whatthefuck," the startled mechanic shouted, his knees going weak as he realized he was already on his feet. He blinked slowly, frowning at the crowd around him. Feeling a tap on his shoulder, Dean turned around to find a rather smug looking Castiel.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean couldn't hear his friend over the screaming of the crowd. He glanced around and fixed his eyes on the stage a few yards away. A band seemed to be doing a sound check, and Dean widened his eyes when he realized what he was seeing.

"It's loud in here," Castiel said, having stepped closer to the mechanic.

"Yeah, no shit." Dean was beaming at Cas as he shouted, "How the hell did you… This is Led Zeppelin, man! In concert!"

"Yes," Castiel confirmed plainly. "I don't know why you're surprised; you asked for this."

"But I… I didn't think you'd _do it_. Holy shit! This had to have happened in the 70s, Cas, how… Wait, did we time travel?"

"No, Dean. This is simply a projection of what happened at Madison Square Garden in New York on July 28th, 1973."

Dean grunted and frowned at a nearby fan. "Well, that guy just elbowed me in the rib. Felt pretty real to me."

"As I've stated before, you can feel whatever happens in these, um… 'dreams'."

"Right…" Dean trailed off as the crowd suddenly got louder, and he joined in with the cheering when Robert Plant, himself, walked onto the stage. "Holy shit," Dean gulped, "I might cry."

Castiel frowned. "Why are you upset?"

Turning to his friend with a grin, Dean shook his head, "This is the best thing to happen to me in years, Cas! Maybe in… _ever_. I'm _not_ upset. People just say that when they're really happy." He blinked before adding, "I'm not actually gonna cry, though."

"Well," Castiel said with a sheepish smile, "I'm glad this pleases you. It took a while to get it together."

"Lotta mojo, huh?"

"Ye-"

Castiel was cut off by the beginning of the concert, prompting Dean to turn back toward the stage and throw his fist in the air. Every once in a while, Dean would glance back at his friend and toss him an enthused smile. Cas simply smiled back and looked away.

"You're really not into this, are you?" Dean asked in between the fifth and sixth song.

"It's… too loud."

"Yeah, but it's _awesome_."

Castiel gave a light laugh and shook his head. "Well, I'm glad one of us is enjoying it."

Dean beamed and returned his attention to the band. The lights from above the stage seemed to be trying their hardest to blind him, but he was too excited to be bothered by it.

It wasn't until the end of "Stairway to Heaven" that Dean faced Castiel once more. "Dude, I could kiss you right now."

Castiel's mouth opened a bit as he blinked at the man across from him. "I…"

Widening his eyes, Dean was quick to add, "It's just a phrase, Cas."

"Oh."

Dean chuckled, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Uh… yeah."

The band saved them from the awkward moment as the music started up again, and Castiel jolted in surprise. Dean smirked and shook his head, turning back to the stage. He entertained the thought of kissing Cas for a brief moment before he remembered the guy could read his mind, and decided to focus intently on the music for the rest of the concert.

When the music died down and the crowd began to leave, Dean asked when the event would end.

"Whenever you want it to, I suppose."

Gesturing behind him with his thumb, Dean quirked a brow and said, "I mean, is there a New York outside of these walls?"

Castiel frowned, glancing up at the ceiling for a moment before giving Dean a single nod. "Yes, I can do that." He hesitated before adding, "I've only gathered enough information to construct one other area nearby, though."

"What other area?" The mechanic began walking toward the exit, urging Castiel to follow him.

"The Central Park Zoo, in the middle of the day."

"Uh, why?"

"I wanted to see the animals, Dean," Cas explained, rather defensively, as they approached the exit. "I spent some time in the zoo yesterday as I took a break from making this concert possible."

Raising a brow, Dean smirked and shook his head. "Alright, man. Animals are cool, I guess."

"They're important."

"Okay…," Dean chuckled.

"Are you laughing at me?" Castiel sounded offended by it, but his admiring expression said otherwise.

Throwing his hands up, Dean shook his head. "You go on and hang out with the birds in your free time, Cas, if that's what you're into."

"I mostly spent time with the monkeys," Castiel corrected. "I find them to be quite clever."

"Cleverer than humans?"

"I haven't examined either species enough to answer that."

"Thanks, man," Dean mumbled, backing into a door and pushing it open with his elbow. As soon as he stepped outside, he was surrounded by the scent of animals and body odor. "Great."

"I agree."

"Is this part of the zoo?" the mechanic asked, tugging on his shirt in effort to air it out. There were children everywhere, pointing at monkeys trapped behind glass.

Already frowning curiously at a capuchin, Castiel nodded. "Yes, this is an indoor rainforest."

"I believe it." Dean made a whiny noise before turning to Cas. "Dude, it's hotter than hell in here."

Giving Dean his full attention, Castiel indicated the exit with a slight tilt of his head. "Would you like to leave?"

"Yeah. I'd like to breathe, y'know?"

A small smile crept up on Castiel's face as he nodded and began walking. "Alright, Dean."

Once outside, the pair took a seat on a bench. There weren't many people nearby, and, to Dean's relief, there weren't any odorous animals in sight. "Air," he sighed, tilting his head back and taking a deep breath. He frowned when he realized how _weird_ it was that he was technically asleep. That, if Charlie entered his room for whatever reason, she'd find him sprawled out on his bed. But he was _breathing_ , he could _feel_ it. In a dream. _When did my life get so weird?_ , he wondered, mildly amused that he'd even be able to _think_ that after all that had happened to him. _Hey, at least this is a_ good _thing_. _For once_.

"You know, I'm glad you clarified that what you said wasn't meant to be taken literally." Castiel's words startled Dean out of his thoughts, and he sat up straight to frown at his friend. "I wouldn't have known what to do, anyway," the other man continued.

"What are you talking about?"

There was a brief moment in which Castiel looked as though he was contemplating ending the dream right then and there. But he didn't. "Kissing."

"Oh." _Of course you won't just let that one go_. Dean shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut and trying _very hard_ not to let that fantasy creep back into his easily accessible thoughts. "What do you mean you wouldn't know what to do?"

Blushing, Castiel looked away, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck. "I've never engaged in the activity."

"Of… kissing? Seriously?"

"Why is that so surprising?"

"Well, uh…" _You're hot_. "I dunno, I guess it just seems like a guy like you would get a lot of, um, attention from-"

"Not where I come from."

The guy looked disappointed. _Nervous_ , but disappointed. Dean wondered if it was possible that, maybe, just _maybe_ , he'd want to try something new with a human. "So you've really never kissed anyone?"

"Yes, I thought we'd established that."

"Do you want to?"

"What?" Castiel gulped, widening his eyes and running his gaze up and down Dean's face over and over again.

Shrugging, Dean inched closer to his friend. "I mean, why else would you have brought it up?"

"I didn't-"

"There was really no reason for you to bring up the whole 'I wouldn't have known what to do' thing, Cas." Smirking, Dean raised a brow and tilted his head pointedly toward Castiel. "Unless, maybe… you wanted to _learn_ what to do."

"Dean, I…"

 _He doesn't want this. I'm an idiot_. Leaning away from the man, Dean shook his head and stared anywhere but at Cas. "I'm sorry, man. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just…" After pausing to take a deep breath, the mechanic began talking as fast as he could, before he could think to stop himself. "This whole concert thing's got me all excited, and you're the hottest guy I've seen in my life, and I've never kissed a guy before–well except for that one kid in 11th grade but that was more of a curiosity thing–and I mean this is just a dream anyway so why the hell shouldn't we-"

Warm, chapped lips silenced Dean's own without warning, evoking a startled gasp from the taller man. _Holy shit._ Reaching up to grasp at the back of Castiel's neck, Dean moved his lips eagerly against the other man's and all but pulled Cas onto his lap. When he opened his eyes, their surroundings had faded to a dull white. Dean chuckled. _Lost your concentration, huh, Cas?_

"Something more interesting demanded my full attention," Castiel replied, unable to conceal his smile.

Rolling his eyes, Dean couldn't help but smirk as he said, "You need to stop reading my mind, man." He wasted no time in returning his mouth to Castiel's, before deciding to travel down a bit to kiss the other man's jaw.

"Well _you_ need to," Cas gasped, clutching at Dean's back when the mechanic ghosted his lips over his neck, " _not_ stop… doing that."

With a light chuckle, Dean asked, "You like that?"

Cas merely nodded and attempted to get closer to the man. He slid his hands up the back of Dean's shirt, eliciting a gasp from his friend.

"Cas…," Dean sighed against the other man's neck before nipping at the skin there. Castiel let out a startled but unmistakably _pleased_ moan, and that was when Dean realized he was probably going to end up having the best, most realistic sex dream of his life in a few minutes.

"Dean… I…"

"Hm?" Dean opened his eyes to stare at the man in his arms, then frowned. "What is it?"

Castiel gave his friend an apologetic frown and shook his head. "I'm sorry, it's time for you to wake up."

Dean's jaw dropped as he stared incredulously at the other man. "What?"

"You went to bed late, and it's time for you to wake up." Standing up, Castiel shrugged. "I'm sorry, Dean. You have things to do. I shouldn't keep you here."

Scrambling to his feet, Dean threw his hands up and shook his head. "No, no, no. By all means, Cas, _keep me here_."

"I have things to do, as well. I shouldn't be engaging in these sorts of activities with you, anyway. I don't want to damage our friendship." Castiel winced at Dean and said, "I hope you won't think poorly of me because of this."

"No, no, it's-"

"Goodbye, Dean. I'll see you tomorrow night." And with that, Castiel disappeared.

The white around Dean faded and was replaced by his room as he blinked awake. "Son of a… _Really_ , Cas?!" Dean sat up in his bed and scowled at his screeching alarm clock.

 

"And that's the story of how I _almost_ banged a super hot guy in my dreams," Dean said, crossing his arms, "since you asked."

Jo shook her head, trying her hardest not to smile. "Dude, that must have been frustrating." The blonde grabbed a beer and slid it across the Roadhouse's bar to her friend.

"Understatement," Dean mumbled, stopping the beer and shaking his head. "Like, why would he do that, anyway?"

"I think you're reading a little too much into it. It was a dream."

"Yeah…," Dean said, looking down at his hands and frowning.

Narrowing her eyes, Jo asked, "Are you… doubting that?"

Dean looked up and considered telling Jo everything for a brief moment before rolling his eyes. "'Course not."

It was at that exact moment, of course, that Dean happened to spot a familiar man leaning against the wall near the entrance of the Roadhouse. "Are you serious?" he said aloud, his voice flat. Glancing back at Jo for half a second, Dean was about to alert her that the guy he'd been making out with in his dreams was _right fucking there_ , but when he looked back, Cas was gone. "Figures," he mumbled.

"What figures?" Ellen Harvelle emerged from the back of the Roadhouse, giving Dean a friendly smile. "Haven't seen you in a while, kid. How you holding up?"

"I'm fine," Dean said, deciding to give Cas a lecture on stalking at the next opportunity. "How's business?"

"Same as always," the brunette said, turning to Jo with a smile. "How's my daughter doing? Should I keep her on staff?"

Jo rolled her eyes. "Hey! I'm one of the best bartenders I know, okay?"

"You're not a bartender yet, honey. And you're supposed to be cleaning the tables, not giving Dean his third beer this morning."

"Second," Dean muttered, avoiding eye contact with the woman. "I don't need to be monitored, Ellen."

"Never said you did, but I'll be damned if I let you have another one of those before noon." Frowning, Ellen asked, "Don't you got work to do at Bobby's, anyway?"

Grabbing his wallet, Dean stood and nodded. "I was on break, but I should be heading back about now." Looking to Jo, he asked, "How much is that, Jo?"

"On the house," Ellen said, walking around the bar to give Dean a hug. "See you later, Dean. Stay out of trouble."

"Thanks. See ya."

 

When Dean got home from work that evening, Charlie was waiting behind the door. "Hey," the mechanic said as he entered the apartment.

"Hey," his roommate chirped. She leaned against the kitchen table, biting her lip before shrugging towards the couch. "So, we need to talk."

"Uh oh," Dean quipped, raising a brow. His smile faded to a wince when Charlie forced out a laugh. Moving to take a seat on the couch, he asked, "What's up?"

"So…," Charlie began as she took a seat next to Dean. "Y'know how I've been seeing that history professor for a few months now?"

"Doreen?"

"Dorothy. Yeah, um…"

Sucking in a deep breath, Dean nodded to himself. "You're moving out."

"I'm sorry, I know we agreed that neither of us would leave before the lease was up, but…," Charlie sighed, tossing a hand in the air. "Dorothy's got this really great job opportunity like halfway across the world, and I can work anywhere 'cause, y'know, I got skills, and-"

Shaking his head, Dean waved a hand. "You don't have to explain, dude, just… When are you leaving?"

"Anytime from next week to next month," the redhead answered with an uncertain smile.

Dean's brows shot up as he leaned forward. "Wait, what? How the hell am I supposed to find another roommate by then?"

"I… I'm sorry, Dean. I would have told you sooner if I knew, but this just came out of nowhere."

"Yeah, no, I get it. S'fine." Dean gave his soon-to-be-former roommate the best smile he could muster before standing and releasing a deep breath. "Well, I gotta eat."

Following closely behind Dean, Charlie muttered, "I'm really sorry if this adds to any stress you-"

"I'll figure it out, Charlie," the mechanic said, turning to give his friend a reassuring smile. "You deserve this. I'd kick your ass if you didn't go. Dorothy's great, and… this is your adventure. Go for it."

"You mean that?" When Dean nodded, Charlie beamed. "Good. I was so worried-"

"You're fine, Charlie. I'll survive without you," Dean teased.

"I'll miss you," the girl blurted out.

Thinning his lips, Dean nodded and gulped. "Yeah."

"If you need help finding a roommate, let me know."

Dean clenched his jaw, turning to the fridge. "I told you, I'll figure it out. Don't worry about it."

"You sure you're gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine." Sighing, the man spun around to face his friend. "Look, I've got other shit to worry about. This is the least of my problems, alright? So… Thanks for the heads up. But, really, I'll be fine."

Charlie gave Dean a kind smile and nodded, backing away. "Okay. But, really, if you start to get stressed about it, I can take care of the new roommate thing."

"I won't stress about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sure, Dean. Suuuuuure.


	9. Chapter 9

"I mean, how the hell am I supposed to _not_ stress about it?" Dean was leaning against the living room couch in his dream, throwing a frustrated hand in the air while the other one remained wrapped tight against his chest. A small voice in his head scolded him for admitting that he was worried, but another, softer voice suggested that Cas really wasn't the kind of guy to pick on him, for any reason. There was yet another voice reminding him not to look his friend in the eye because he didn't trust himself not to scream at the guy for ditching him without reason in the middle of an exciting development in their relationship.

Castiel tilted his head to one side, frowning at the other man from where he stood a few feet away from him. "Is finding a new roommate a difficult task?"

"Well, I dunno… I don't know that many people, Cas. Not well enough to let them move in with me." Dean sighed, dragging his hand down over his mouth before he shook his head and looked his friend in the eye. Castiel simply stared back, not at all bothered. Rolling his eyes, Dean clenched his jaw before saying, "So, are we gonna talk about what hap-"

"What happened in your last dream was… a mistake." Castiel shook his head, clenching his fists as he averted his gaze. "I shouldn't have been so aggressive. I apologize."

Dean blinked dumbly at the man across from him, dropping his arms to his sides and loosening his posture a bit. "Are you shitting me right now?"

Glancing back up at the man, Cas squinted as he searched Dean's eyes. "I-"

" _You're_ apologizing for… for being 'aggressive'? Really?!" Dean sounded more amused than upset as he leaned forward from the couch and folded his arms over his chest. "S'that why you left?"

"Dean, I've never had an experience of that nature before," Castiel said firmly. "I didn't… I _don't_ know how to…," he sighed, dropping his gaze once again, "I don't know how to handle it."

Dean's heart sank as he silently cursed himself. The poor guy, whatever the hell he was, had no idea how to navigate through human sexuality. The mechanic thinned his lips as he stared at his friend. Cas looked more than uncertain. He looked _scared_ , gazing at the ground with clenched fists.

"I feel very poorly about this situation, because I know how lonely and insecure you feel most of the time. I knew, when I left, that you craved my presence. Your soul was begging me to stay, and perhaps I should have listened, but… I didn't know-"

"Dude, what are you even talking about?" Dean couldn't bring himself to close his mouth as he gaped at the other man. "My _soul_? Cas, that's-"

"Beside the point," Castiel dismissed, his voice firm. "I can't explain how I know what I know, but… I know that you desire me."

"Well that's… creepy."

Cocking his head, Castiel frowned. "I assure you, I am not 'creeped out' by it. I…," the man sighed, looking away for a moment before meeting Dean's gaze and nodding. "I believe I feel the same way."

Dean dropped his arms to his sides as he stepped closer to the other man. "Yeah? Then why'd you leave?" He tried to hide the smirk that tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You nervous? Is that really it?"

"Partially," Castiel stated, seemingly unphased by their proximity.

"Partially?" Dean quirked a brow.

Sighing, Castiel shook his head and glanced around the room. "I am already disobeying my superiors by being here. I'm _certain_ that… that _sex_ with a human is not allowed."

"Well, rules are made to be broken, right?" Dean said with a grin and a wink. He elected to ignore Castiel's distinction between their species.

"No, they are made so that there is order. If I do this-"

"If you're already breaking the rules by _being_ here, why does it matter what you _do_ while you're here?"

Castiel blinked at the other man, color rising to his cheeks. "I cannot argue with that point," he said simply, just before he surged forward and kissed Dean.

Dean stumbled back, his brows shooting up as he let out a startled grunt against Castiel's lips. The back of his thighs reached the arm of the couch and he would've fallen onto the cushion if Cas hadn't fisted his hands in the mechanic's shirt and held him close.

In a blink, they were in Dean's room. Castiel gasped as he pulled away from the other man and dropped his arms to his sides. "I… thought this would be a more comfortable setting."

Dean chuckled, his heart racing as he nodded. "Great setting," he said, kicking off his shoes and taking a seat on the edge of his bed. "Awesome setting. C'mere." He patted his lap with a smirk.

Returning Dean's smile, Cas climbed onto the other man's lap and gazed down at him as he draped his arms over Dean's shoulders. He tipped his head down just enough to touch his lips to Dean's, sighing before pulling back and giving his friend an uncertain look. "What are we going to do?"

"What do you _want_ to do?" Dean brought his hands up to hold Cas at his sides, frowning at the amount of clothing still left between them. He tugged at his friend's trenchcoat as he looked up at Cas with raised brows.

Nodding, Castiel shrugged out of his outerwear, removing his suit jacket as well with a little help from an eager Dean. "I want… more."

Discarding Castiel's coat on the floor, Dean smirked at the other man as he loosened Cas's tie and pulled it off of him. "More what? Be specific, Cas." He pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor.

Gulping as he ran his eyes over Dean's chest, Castiel mumbled, "Everything." He gasped when Dean began unbuttoning his shirt, leaning forward against the man's warm fingertips.

"Everything?" Dean tilted his head to press sloppy, open-mouthed kisses at Castiel's collarbone as he pulled the shirt off his arms and dropped it atop his own. Encouraged by the sound Castiel's breath hitching, Dean ran his hands up and down the other man's chest and continued to kiss his way down his chest.

"Yes, everything," Cas groaned, melting into Dean's arms. "I want… I want to kiss you everywhere. I want to feel your body against mine."

Dean moaned, nodding against Castiel's chest before flicking his tongue out to tease the other man's nipple. He shifted his hips so that their hardened cocks could rub against each other through the fabric of their pants.

Gasping, Castiel's hands flew to Dean's back as he rocked against him. "I want to know how it feels to be inside of you. I want to watch what happens when I make you orgasm, to hear the sounds you make when your body is overwhelmed with pleasure. I want to experience that kind of pleasure, myself. I want-"

"Then _do_ ," Dean all but growled, lying down on the bed and pulling Castiel down on top of him. He slid his hands down Castiel's back, placing his thumbs beneath the other man's waistband and tugging lightly. He was about to tell his friend to sit up so he could unbutton his pants, but Cas was already eagerly pressing his mouth against Dean's, slipping his tongue out to beg for entrance. Moaning, Dean let Castiel enter his mouth, bucking up against the other man.

With a groan, Castiel pulled back and muttered, "We need to remove the rest of our clothing."

"Yeah," Dean nodded, attempting to sit up before suddenly being overwhelmed with the sensation of skin on skin. "Sonofabitch." He glanced down at his and Castiel's completely unclothed bodies with wide eyes. "Did you just…"

"It was faster," Cas stated simply, his voice gruff as he rubbed his body against Dean's, moaning as their slick cocks slid against each other. He leaned down and licked at Dean's jaw before giving it a light nip. Pulling back to gaze at the other man with a quirked brow, Cas asked, "Is this okay? Biting?"

"Dude, do your thing. You going crazy is making me go crazy," Dean said, bucking his hips up against the other man to emphasize his point.

Moaning, Castiel nodded and resumed worrying his teeth on and around Dean's jaw. He gasped, throwing his head back in shock when Dean wrapped his hand around his leaking cock and began jerking him off. "Dean!"

"Like that, Cas?" Dean managed to say through shaky breaths. "Betcha never thought breaking the rules would feel this good."

"Dean," Cas groaned, unable to still his hips as he fucked Dean's fist. "More. Please, more."

"What do you want, Cas?" Dean whispered into his lover's ear, then gave his earlobe a teasing nip.

"Mmmm," Castiel groaned as he shifted atop Dean. "I want… sex. I want to be inside you."

Dean's heart pounded. It was finally happening. _Holy_ _shit_. "Okay, mojo up some lube, then, Cas. I've never done this before and I want to be comfortable."

Sitting up on Dean's lap, Castiel gave his lover a reassuring look. "I won't hurt you. I'll never hurt you."

Smiling, Dean reached up to run a hand through Castiel's sweat-dampened hair. "I believe you. But, I still need prep." Eyeing the other man, Dean remembered Cas wasn't actually human, and proceeded to stutter, "I-it's a… a thing people do when they're gonna-"

"I'm aware of how humans have sex, Dean," Castiel said, wearing an amused smile despite his voice sounding somewhat annoyed. In a blink, his fingers were slick with lube and he was backing up on his knees toward the edge of the bed. He reached his hand down to let his index finger tease Dean's hole.

Dean nearly jumped at the new sensation, his startled gasp turning into a deep moan as he fisted his hands in the sheets and tried not to buck his hips.

After moving his finger gently, slowly, Castiel added another. He grunted when Dean let out a pleased moan, and moved his fingers in a scissoring motion to stretch the other man's hole for him. "Another?" he asked, his voice rough. When Dean did nothing more than whimper, Castiel pushed another finger into him and curled them around the inside of Dean's hole, enjoying the desperate sounds it elicited from the mechanic.

"You," Dean groaned after a moment, shifting his hips to fuck himself on Castiel's fingers. "Need you. _Now_."

Castiel licked his lips, nodding as he removed his fingers from Dean and said, "Alright." He slicked himself up and wasted no time in sliding into his lover. He sucked in a quick breath at the same time as Dean, letting out a loud moan along with the other man.

"Fuck, Cas…," Dean breathed, excitement shooting through his body like electricity. "Move."

Groaning, Castiel began to slide out and back into his lover, grasping at the wrinkled sheets on either side of Dean as he fucked into the man. "Dean."

Dean began frantically bucking up onto Castiel, letting out a string of curse words until his babbling faded into a moan. His leaking cock rubbed between their bodies and Dean thought he was going to lose it. "F-fuck, Cas. Faster."

"Nngh." Cas began to thrust desperately into Dean, his movements becoming more and more sporadic as he approached climax.

"Harder, Cas. Fuck." Dean was all but whining as he reached for his lover and lifted his chin to look him in the eye as Cas continued to fuck him. He'd never held eye contact with someone that long in such an intimate moment, and he found himself in a trance as he stared, a single tear streaming down the side of his face.

Castiel gripped Dean's left shoulder as he let out a particularly loud moan. He began hitting Dean's prostate with each thrust, holding the other man's gaze as Dean came with a broken cry of his name. Castiel followed close behind, repeatedly whimpering, "Oh!"

It was as Cas came that a bright light filled the room, forcing Dean to close his eyes out of fear of being blinded. Before he could ask Cas what was happening, Dean felt a white hot burning in his shoulder. It hurt enough to make him shout, but it was gone within seconds. As the light faded, Dean opened his eyes to find Castiel heaving deep breaths, blinking down at the other man in shock.

"I…"

"What the hell just happened?"

"I…" Castiel tried to steady his breathing, letting his gaze fall to Dean's shoulder. He removed his hand and gaped at the skin beneath it. "Shit." Castiel backed off of Dean and stood at the foot of the bed, his eyes wide as he stared at Dean's shoulder.

If it was enough to make Cas curse, Dean wasn't sure he wanted to look. He winced, closing his eyes as he tilted his head toward his left shoulder. Taking a deep breath, he opened one eye, then the other as his jaw dropped. "What the fuck did you do to my arm?!" His heart pounded as he sat up and lifted his arm to better examine the angry red handprint on his deltoid.

Unable to lift his gaze from the mark, Castiel said, "It was an accident."

"Is it permanent?" Dean asked, looking up at a shocked Castiel. As if his body hadn't been heated enough from their previous activity, Cas's face seemed to be reddening.

"I… don't know." Castiel blinked, shaking his head lightly and returning Dean's gaze. "I'm not sure how I did it. Does it hurt?"

Dean brought his right hand up to brush over the handprint. It was soft, but not so tender that it hurt to touch it. He shook his head. "No, s'fine," he sighed. "Why do you think this happened?"

"I… feel strongly about you," Castiel said, pausing to bite his lip before nodding. "I believe I connected to your soul. That is what happened."

Gaping at his lover, Dean said dumbly, "You… connected to my soul."

"Yes."

Shaking his head, Dean closed his eyes momentarily before looking back at Cas with raised brows. "Literally?!"

"Yes."

"How does that even happen?!"

Castiel clenched his jaw, straightening his posture as he said, "I cannot disclose that information."

"Right." Dean threw his hands in the air, then moved to stand at the foot of the bed, next to Cas. "Well… is it gonna do anything weird to me?"

Squinting at the other man, Castiel asked, "Like what?"

"Like start glowing, or burning, or… Fuck, am I pregnant?"

Castiel frowned at Dean as though he was losing his mind. "No, it should not glow, or cause you any pain. And, I can assure you, I am incapable of getting you pregnant."

Dean blushed and brought a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck. "Good," he mumbled. Dropping his hand to his side, he nodded back at the bed. "Well… care to clean that up?"

Scrunching up his nose, Castiel tilted his head to one side. "Why? We've no use for it anymore in this dream."

"Well, I was gonna, uh…" Dean looked away and rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a nervous chuckle.

"Yes?" When Dean remained silent, Cas sighed. Averting his gaze, he said, "I should probably leave, now."

"Cas, don't… don't go. I don't have to wake up yet."

"I simply let you sleep peacefully when I leave before you wake up."

Shifting where he stood, Dean said, "Well… How about you stay here, instead? And let me fall asleep next to you."

Castiel knit his brows together as he stared at the other man. "You're already asleep."

"Well, can't you stay here until it's time for me to wake up? We can just… rest here." Dean hoped he wasn't blushing as obviously as he felt like he was.

Opening his mouth, Cas nodded in understanding. "You want me to embrace you until you awaken. I believe the term is 'cuddling'. Would you like to do that?"

"I… Don't call it that, and yeah."

Castiel squinted at Dean for a moment before a warm smile crept onto his face. "Alright," he said, climbing onto a freshly made bed.

Dean grinned and followed after Castiel, getting under the sheets with his lover and ensuring that they were facing each other as he draped an arm over his side. He tilted his head forward to give Cas a sweet peck on the lips before settling his head against his pillow with a sigh.

"Are you… comfortable?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

Castiel smiled, nodding. "Yes. Are you happy, Dean?"

Closing his eyes, Dean beamed. "Yeah."

 

When Dean woke up, he half expected to be tangled up with a naked, blue-eyed alien (or whatever the hell Cas was). He sighed when he realized he was alone, tangled with nothing but his sheets.

He was hungry, so he rolled out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen, not bothering to put a robe on over his boxers. Charlie had seen worse.

"Sleep well?" his roommate chirped from the table.

Dean grinned, taking a deep breath as he recalled last night's activities. "Yeah. Had a pretty awesome dream."

"Yeah? What happened?"

"It's too explicit to share," Dean chuckled, shaking his head. His grin faded when he caught Charlie staring at his shoulder with wide eyes. "Uh… what?"

"What the hell is on your arm?!"


	10. Chapter 10

Dean blinked at his roommate before he could bring himself to shift his gaze to his shoulder. "Oh my God." As he gaped at the bright red handprint that was somehow  _still fucking there_ , Dean ran his right hand through his hair, letting out a deep breath. "How in the f-"

"What happened?!" Charlie demanded, her brows raised as she moved to Dean's side to better inspect the mark. "Is this a scar? How the hell did you get a scar like that and keep it hidden for so-"

"I haven't been keeping it hidden, Charlie, I just got it."

Blinking, Charlie stepped back and said, "Um, pretty sure you can't get a wound that bad and have it heal into a scar that quickly. And why is it a handprint?! How does that even-"

"It was in my dream…," Dean managed to say, if only in a tiny mumble. He cleared his throat, bringing his gaze up to Charlie's. "I got it in my dream last night." When Charlie did nothing more than stare at him with the same wide-eyed expression she'd had for the past minute, Dean sighed and shook his head. "You think I'm crazy."

"I never said that! I mean, it sounds a  _little_  crazy, yeah, but… I don't think it's any more crazy than your current situation, here." Charlie gave Dean a squinty look and said, "Wait, is this some sort of prank? Is that just a bunch of makeup? Because if you think I'm that gullible… I am."

Dean shook his head. "It's not a prank, Charlie. Touch it if you don't believe me." After a moment, Dean frowned and added, "But not too roughly 'cause I dunno if it's gonna be all sensitive or something. I mean, Cas said it wouldn't cause me any pain, but-"

"Wait, who's Cas?"

Taking a deep breath and letting it out as he moved to lean against the back of the couch, Dean crossed his arms over his chest and said, "Remember when I told you I was dreaming about someone?"

"I don't remember you saying anything about that."

"Oh. Well, I think I told you I was seeing someone, right?"

Frowning, Charlie asked, "As in dating?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "No," he said. He squinted for a moment, recalling the events that took place in his dream the night before, then added, "Okay, maybe, but… I was talking about how I told you I thought I was hallucinating. Like, seeing a guy in the garage?"

"Okay, I remember that," Charlie said with a nod. "Sam wanted you to see a doctor. I'm guessing you didn't."

Shrugging, Dean shook his head. "Didn't need to. He's real," he said, then gestured to his new scar. "This is his." He blinked at the mark for a moment as he realized what he'd just said. "He's real…," he repeated, speaking slowly, almost in a whisper, as though saying it any louder would make it untrue. "Cas is real."

Charlie let it sink in for a minute before she asked, "Who else knows? About Cas, I mean."

Snapping his gaze up to Charlie's, Dean said, "Just Jo. Well, and Anna, her girlfriend."

"Are you going to tell them?"

"I… I don't know. Cas warned me about telling people too much, or something. He's worried that someone will find out."

"Find out… what, exactly? And, come on, do you really think you're gonna be able to hide  _that_  from them, anyway?" Charlie gestured at Dean's shoulder before shaking her head. "I think you should have Jo come down here before she goes to work. I mean, this is pretty big."

Dean bit his lip before nodding. "You're right." He stepped forward from the couch and pointed toward the hall. "I'll go call her."

"And get dressed, while you're at it," Charlie called as Dean took off toward his room.

It took Jo all of about eight minutes to arrive at Dean's door. "Okay, what's going on?" she demanded. "You made hardly any sense on the phone. I could barely make out a word."

"All I did was tell you to come over," Dean said, letting his friend inside, and frowning upon seeing her redheaded girlfriend standing behind her. "Uh, hey, Anna."

"Oh, she had to come along because we're headed to work after this," Jo said, walking into the kitchen area and leaning against the counter. "Hey, Charlie," she nodded upon seeing the girl at the table. "Okay, so what's going on?"

Dean brought his hand up to scratch the back of his neck. "Uh…," he sighed, looking between the girls as Anna joined Jo's side. "Okay, remember the whole Castiel thing? The dreams, and how I kept seeing him everywhere?"

Jo beamed. "Yeah, I remember," she teased. "Let me guess… You met him? The guy who was in your subconscious or whatever? You finally asked for his number?"

"What?" Dean frowned. "No. I… I don't know how to say this, but… Jo, he's real."

Cocking a brow, Jo turned to her girlfriend, who stared straight at Dean with widened eyes. Looking back to Dean, Jo said, "Uh, do we need to have an intervention?"

Dean shook his head, beginning to roll up his left sleeve. "I can prove it to you," he said. "Just, uh… promise me you won't freak out?"

Charlie chuckled. "That's a bit of a high demand, don't you think? This is definitely freakout-worthy."

Rolling her eyes, Jo stepped forward from the counter and folded her arms over her chest. "Just show me."

Without another word, Dean rolled up the rest of his sleeve to reveal the bright red handprint. He was almost surprised to see it there, still not used to the new mark. Shifting his gaze to a wide-eyed Jo, he said, "Cas gave this to me last night. In a  _dream_."

Looking from Dean's eyes, to his shoulder, to his eyes again, Jo blinked, her jaw dropping. "What…"

"I know," Dean said. "What the hell, right?"

Jo walked to Dean's side and reached out her hand before looking up at her friend. "Can I…?"

Dean nodded.

The blonde's hand was practically shaking as she touched the mark, sucking in a breath and stepping back when she realized it was real. She looked up at Dean. "It's real. How in the hell is that poss-"

"I don't know. But, Jo, I  _know_  now. He's real. I mean, I thought he might be, before, but… now I know for  _sure_. I'm not going crazy."

Jo nodded, her eyes wide as she dropped her gaze to Dean's shoulder once again. "If you're crazy, we all are." She turned to her girlfriend. "I mean, you're seeing this, too, right?"

Anna did nothing more than nod, her wide eyes focused intently on the handprint.

"You've gotta promise me you won't tell anyone about this, okay?" Dean gave serious looks to each of the girls before adding, "Cas would probably flip out if he knew I told you about this." Squeezing his eyes shut, Dean sighed and shook his head before looking up at the ceiling. "Actually, he probably already knows. Wherever the hell he is, he seems to be watching me, like, all the fucking time."

"So… Cas is real…," Jo began, slowly. "He's real and he's… not human."

"What is he, then?" Charlie asked, seemingly excited about the sci-fi crap that had become Dean's life. "An alien? A spirit? A man trapped in another dimension?"

"An angel?"

Anna coughed as soon as the words left her girlfriend's mouth. "I don't think we should be talking about this. Didn't you say it would upset Castiel?"

"Yeah, I did," Dean said, running a hand through his hair. "The guy is paranoid that his 'superiors' will find out that we're together. Well, not  _together_ , but… I mean, actually, yeah, I dunno." He sighed and turned around to mumble, as quietly as he could, "Look, if you're listening in, Cas, I'm sorry, I'm just a little… This is weird, okay? Don't be mad."

"Are you, uh, talking to yourself, Dean?" Jo asked, stepping closer to her friend.

Spinning around, Dean let out a deep breath. "What? No, I was just… I was telling Cas not to get pissed at me, since he kinda told me not to talk about him."

"Then stop talking about him," Anna said, her voice firm as she joined Jo's side. "We should go, and pretend this didn't happen."

"Whoa, what's freaking you out so much, babe?" Jo shrugged. "I mean, this is all a bit weird, and, okay, it's  _crazy_ , but-"

"Look, you said yourself that Castiel isn't human, right?" Anna said, meeting Dean's gaze. "If he can control your dreams, he must be pretty powerful. And if he has people above him in ranking, and he is seeing you behind their backs, he might be in danger.  _You_  might be in danger. You need to stop talking about him." Everyone else stared at the redheaded girl with wide eyes. "I am just trying to protect us all," she said. "Don't tell anyone else about this."

Dean blinked at the girl before sighing. "You're probably right," he said with a nod.

"And don't talk to him like that. What if someone else is listening in?"

"Babe, you're kind of weirding me out," Jo said, frowning at her girlfriend as she wrapped an arm around her waist. "Let's get to work, and try not to freak out about this."

Charlie let out a light chuckle. "Yeah, I don't think there's a chance of me  _not_  freaking out. This is the weirdest thing to happen in… ever."

"Well, Anna's right," Dean said. "Don't talk about it out loud, not even to yourself."

"How do we know these 'superiors' can't read our minds?" Jo asked as she approached the door.

Charlie's eyes widened. "I don't want to have to wear a tin foil hat for the rest of my life."

"They won't read your minds," Anna said. She blinked, her voice cracking as she smiled and added, "I mean, I'm just guessing. What reason would they have to-"

"Okay, babe, I think you're starting to overthink this a little," Jo said. "Let's go." She opened the door as she told Dean, "We won't talk about it, don't worry."

As they exited the apartment, Dean blew out a puff of air. "Well, that was weird."

"What was?"

"Anna. She was being… I don't know, just weird."

Raising a brow, Charlie smirked. "Weirder than waking up with a handprint on your arm from some guy in your dreams who isn't even hu-"

"Hey, no talking about it, remember?" Dean said, raising a finger to his lips before smirking. "Alright, I'm off to Bobby's. I need to get some work done on Baby today."

Just as Dean stepped out of the car at Bobby's, Sam was on his way out of the house, carrying what appeared to be crumpled paper in his hand and wearing a troubled frown.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean shouted across the yard. "Something wrong?"

Sam startled, nearly jumping as he scanned the area and found Dean. "I'm fine."

After shutting the car door, Dean began walking toward his brother. "You sure about that?"

"I said I'm fine, Dean. Back off."

"Whoa," Dean said, throwing his hands up, "whoa. Calm down. You just look-"

"You've been treating me like some helpless little kid for way too long, Dean. Everything isn't your responsibility."

Dean blinked, taking a step back. "You  _are_  my responsibility. You're all I've got."

"Ever since Dad…," Sam sighed, shaking his head as he looked at the ground. "Look, I'm fine. I can handle this."

"What is 'this', exactly?"

"None of your damn business," Sam said. "I'll figure it out. I need to go."

"Where?"

"I have to…," Sam sighed, clenching his jaw. "I have to talk to Jody."

Dean's brows shot up. " _Mills_? Jody  _Mills_?"

"Yeah, Dean. Jody Mills."

Folding his arms over his chest, Dean asked, "Is this about Dad?"

"…Not exactly."

"Not… What the hell is going on, Sammy?" Dean demanded, trying to soften his voice. "What's in your hand?"

"You're always trying to protect me, even when I don't need it," Sam said. "Well, it looks like you're actually going to  _have_  to this time." He shoved the paper at Dean's chest and let out a deep breath, looking away as he crossed his arms.

Dean began to feel sick as he uncrumpled the note, staring at his brother with thinned lips. He looked down at the paper and nearly dropped it upon reading:

_You're next, Sammy._


	11. Chapter 11

The longer Dean stared at the note, the harder it got for him to breathe. The words were handwritten, in red ink, and looked nearly identical to the style in which Azazel had carved into their father's chest before he died. Dean had to brace himself against Sam's car as he felt his knees go weak.

"Dean…"

"How long have you had this?" Dean's voice was shaking as he brought himself to look at his brother.  _No,_ he thought,  _no, I can't lose you, too_.

"It was on the table next to my bed this morning."

Dean went numb, his skin paling. "He… he was in your room."

Frowning, Sam shook his head. "I don't think… I don't think it's him, Dean. I was going to ask Jody, but… There's no way he got out of prison."

"You think someone took over for him." Dean sucked in a breath, wincing. "Oh, God."

"Dean, calm down, I-"

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down."

"I'm gonna go see Jody. You know she's gonna do everything she can to protect me, Dean. I'll be fine." Sam didn't sound as sure as he was trying to convince his brother he was.

"Yeah. That's reassuring."

Sam reached out and put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "I'm gonna be okay, Dean. I need to go, now. I've gotta get this note to Jody."

Dean stood up straight, opening the passenger side door. "I'm going with you."

"No, Dean. I'm going alone," Sam said firmly, shutting the door. "I don't want Jess to suspect anything is going on, and she knows you're supposed to be here today. Stay and work on the Impala."

"Are you serious? You think I can just-"

"Yeah, Dean, I do. Because you like to fix things. But you can't fix  _this_. So fix your car." Sam moved to the driver's side of his car. "Don't tell Jess anything. If she sees you, you've gotta promise me you'll act like everything's fine."

Dean backed away from the car, taking a deep breath. "Right."

It took less than an hour for Jess to make her way into the garage. "Sam said you'd be here for lunch," she said, setting a plate on the mechanic's cluttered desk as Dean wiped his hands on a rag and tossed it aside. "I made a sandwich, if you're interested."

Nodding at the plate, Dean brought the back of his hand up to wipe the grease off his brow. "Sure. Thanks."

"How's the car?"

"She's fine," the mechanic said, taking a seat on his desk and picking up the plate. "Probably be back on the road in a couple weeks." Dean inspected the sandwich before shrugging and taking a bite.

Jess smiled. "That's great. You've been working so hard; I'm sure you'll be relieved to have a break."

A break was the last thing Dean wanted. A break would mean no distractions. A break would mean constant worry. It might even mean an increase in alcohol consumption, which would lead to an increase in people telling him what he's not doing right, what he needs to fix. And if he couldn't fix Sammy's situation, nothing was worth fixing. Hell, it'd taken him half an hour to even get started on Baby that day. The wellbeing of his car paled in comparison to that of his little brother.

Dean realized he must've been wearing his worry on his face when Jess frowned at him and asked, "A break would be good… right?"

Blinking, Dean shook his head and took another bite of his sandwich. "I guess," he said through the food. When the blonde did nothing more than raise her brow at him, Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm not in the mood to talk about it," he muttered, crossing his arms and sliding off the desk and into his chair. "'M fine."

Jess opened and closed her mouth a few times before she thinned her lips and turned around. "Okay," she said as she began walking back to the house. "If you ever wanna talk, I'm here."

"Thanks, but no thanks," Dean said, shifting his eyes to the clutter on his desk. He decided he'd clean up before getting back to work. There were months-old receipts from clients scattered about, and Bobby had been reminding Dean to take care of them before the time to sort out taxes came around. With a sigh, he set his sandwich down and got to organizing.

 

By the time Dean got home, Charlie was already in her room. He thought about knocking on her door and dumping Sam's-and, by extension,  _his_ -problems on her, but decided against it. She was probably asleep, and he figured it'd be best to keep the issue a secret. And, if he really wanted to talk to someone about it, there was always Cas.

Dean fell asleep with the relief of knowing he'd soon be able to get everything off his chest.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel said, his voice soothing but, somehow, not as calming as it should have been. He reached out for the mechanic, wrapping his arms around him. Dean felt himself reach back and tilt his head to press a kiss to Castiel's lips. "Are you alright?"

"I'm okay," Dean told him, although it didn't feel true. "I'm glad you're here."

"Good. I'm glad to be here."

Something about the smile on the other man's face unnerved Dean. He shook his head. "No, this isn't right," he said. His words seemed to echo as he tried to stand, his knees wobbly. "Something's wrong. Something's wrong." Glancing around, he noticed the unfamiliarity of their location. It was his room, he  _knew_  it was his room, but it was… wrong. He couldn't figure out what color the walls were, and the bed he had been sitting on was too big. There were  _stairs_  ascending from the open door, as though he were in a basement. He lived in an apartment, on the first floor. There were no stairs. Something was  _wrong_.

"Everything is okay, Dean. You'll be o-"

The scenery began to change as Castiel's voice faded, and soon Dean was completely alone, standing in darkness.

After what seemed like hours, he jumped at the sound of a tortured scream. The cries multiplied as he began running toward them, but he felt like he was more crawling than running. Escaping the darkness resulted in discovering, with blurred vision, that he was surrounded by gray. He blinked until he could clearly see the new setting of his dream. It was the warehouse his father was murdered in. The realization hit him around the same time that a deep voice whispered, too close to his ear, "Sammy's next."

The screaming returned, though Dean hadn't even noticed its absence, and suddenly his brother was before him, shirt torn open, blood rising from deep cuts in his chest.

"Dean!"

Dean reached for his screaming brother, shaking as he heard himself cry, "You're gonna be okay, Sammy. You're not gonna die. You're not gonna die. I've got you."

The wounds on Sam's chest deepened, blood flowing out of him like a fountain, and his screams faded only to be replaced by Dean's own cracking voice.

"Sammy! Sammy, don't you die on me," the man shouted, his vision blurring as he reached for his brother's now lifeless body. "Sam!"

Dean woke screaming Sam's name, his body and bed drenched in sweat as he sat up in shock. He managed to turn the light on despite his trembling hands. The tears in his eyes blurred his vision, but he knew he was awake. "Sammy," he whispered to himself, sniffing before wiping a tear from his cheek. "Goddamnit." He shook his head upon realizing that he'd had his first nightmare in months. He'd forgotten how much they fucked with his head. It didn't help that he'd been  _expecting_  an entirely different kind of dream.

"Where the hell were you, man?" Dean mumbled, shivering when he remembered how unnerving his dream version of Cas had been. He couldn't put his finger on it, but  _something_  had definitely been wrong. It could've been the voice, he thought. And he knew that smiles in dreams could give off a creepy vibe, even if the situation seemed harmless. Dean tried to think his way out of his panic, taking deep breaths in effort to slow his heart down.

Within seconds, he began to feel like he was losing consciousness, his eyes not wanting to stay open. Usually, after a nightmare, he was done with sleep for the rest of the night. But he found himself leaning back against his pillow as his heart rate began to slow.

Then, there was warmth. Dean didn't feel asleep, but he knew he wasn't awake, either. All around him, he could feel a burning light. It was almost as if he was floating on it, but it didn't feel open like air. He didn't dare try to open his eyes, fearing the brightness of Castiel. It had to be him. Dean  _knew_  it was him.

"I am sorry, Dean," Castiel said, not aloud, but somehow Dean heard it in his mind, felt it echo throughout his body. "You will be okay."

Dean sighed as he felt something combing through his hair. It wasn't fingers, and he wondered if it was Castiel's true form, like a tangible version of light, itself. He wondered briefly if he'd ever find out exactly what the  _hell_  Cas was, but it was getting more and more difficult to think clearly.

"Sleep now, Dean. I'll watch over you."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that February had no update! Technically, there wasn't a 30th that month, anyway, so...   
> Anyway, I'm giving y'all two chapters today, to make up for it. :)

Waking up alone was beginning to be almost as disorienting to Dean as waking up after a nightmare. He could have  _sworn_  he'd gone to bed in the arms of some extraterrestrial being. Or, arms of light. Dean didn't know, and at that point, he didn't care. Cas was warm. And it was getting more and more disappointing to wake up without that warmth around him.

He rolled out of bed, running a hand through his hair as he yawned. Dean threw on some jeans and a t-shirt before making his way into the kitchen. He gave Charlie a tired nod as he passed where she sat at the table and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Long night?" Charlie quirked a brow, then pointed to their coffee pot, indicating that she'd left him a cup.

"You have no idea," Dean mumbled, clenching his jaw as the horrific images of Sammy being torn to shreds revisited his mind.

"Did you, uh," Charlie chuckled, "did you have fun?"

Frowning up at his roommate, Dean stared at the grinning girl for a moment before rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "I had a nightmare. Sam was dying."

Charlie's face fell. "I'm sorry, Dean. You haven't had one of those in months, huh?"

"Yeah. I'd been distracted with… Cas." Dean softened his voice, as if afraid to speak his name aloud. "But," he sighed, pouring himself a lukewarm cup of coffee, "he showed up afterwards. Helped me fall asleep again."

Her eyes going wide, Charlie leaned forward in her chair at the table, "Wait, he showed up in your room?!"

"I… I don't think so. I don't know. I think he somehow pulled me into that dream state or something. It was weird." Dean smiled to himself, taking a seat across from his roommate. "But it was warm. Like he was surrounding me with his light."

"Light?"

Dean glanced at Charlie and opened and closed his mouth a few times, hesitant to share much more about Castiel. "Yeah, he's got this warm… light, I guess," he said finally. "But," he sighed, pouting down at the mug in his hands, "I still woke up alone. Which is getting to be real fuckin' annoying."

Charlie chuckled, earning a frown from Dean. "Well, he's the man of your  _dreams_ , not reality," she teased.

Pulling up the left sleeve of his shirt, Dean glanced at the mark Cas had left there and noted, "This looks pretty damn real to me."

"Yeah," Charlie said, blinking at the handprint as though she'd forgotten it was there. "That is so cool, I can't even… God, that's so cool."

Dean snorted, fixing his sleeve before taking another sip of coffee. "Yeah."

"Well…" Charlie's chair screeched across the floor as she stood. "I've gotta get to work. Later!"

Dean barely managed a grunt of acknowledgement as he averted his gaze to his mug, ignoring the redhead when she ruffled his hair on her way out.

His cell phone went off in his back pocket almost as soon as Charlie left the apartment. "What?" he said into the phone, not sounding particularly annoyed, but not sounding happy, either.

"Wow, attitude," Jo said from the other end. "I'm on my way over. I've got the day off, and I know you're not doing anything."

The corner of Dean's mouth twitched as he let out an amused breath through his nose. "Actually, I decided to join the local bowling team," he said, leaning back in his chair. "We've got a meeting in an hour. Lasts all day."

"Right," Jo said, and Dean could almost  _hear_  her smirk. Dean had been bowling maybe three times in his life, and Jo had found out firsthand just how much he hated it after he walked out during her 15th birthday party. "I'm almost there. You're not avoiding the world today, Winchester."

"God, Jo, it turns me on when you call me by my last name like that," the mechanic quipped.

"Shut up, asshat. Get your shoes on."

"My shoes  _are_  on."

"They'd better be by the time I get there," Jo said before hanging up.

Dean sighed, putting his phone down and glancing at his bare feet. He rolled his eyes before getting up and making his way to his room to get ready.

Jo took Dean to an outdoor cafe for lunch. She was just finishing paying when Dean's phone rang. "Who is it?" she asked upon noticing her friend's frown.

"Sam," he replied, grimacing at the phone.  _Please be good news_ , he thought to himself.

"You gonna pick it up?"

Dean looked up to roll his eyes at his friend before he answered the phone. "Sam. What's going on?"

"You're not gonna like it," his brother said hesitantly. He sounded more worried for Dean than for himself.

Clenching his jaw, Dean shot Jo a concerned look before asking, "Not gonna like what?" The other end of the line was quiet for too long, so Dean said through gritted teeth, " _Sam_."

"Jody thinks it might be Azazel's daughter, Meg," Sam said finally. "She went missing right after her dad got caught, and Jody thinks she might be trying to continue his plan, whatever the hell it was."

 _It was to kill you, Sam, why the hell do you sound so calm right now?!_  "Where was she seen last?" Dean demanded, gulping as he clenched his fist. "I'll track her down, myself, God damn it." Jo reached across the table for Dean's hand, but he yanked it back.

"They don't know. She's good at hiding." Sam sighed, waiting a moment before saying, "Look, Dean, don't worry about it. There's nothing we can do about it right now."

"Don't worry?! Are you fucking insane?! She wants you  _dead_ , Sam. And she was  _in your room_." Dean glanced around, and, upon noticing that he'd begun to attract attention, nodded at Jo as he stood. They began walking to her truck as Dean continued telling Sam, "I'm coming over. I'm not letting you leave my sight until they find her and put her-"

"Dean, stop," Sam interrupted, sounding equally annoyed as he did understanding. "Jody's gonna make sure I'm safe. She's putting two guys outside the house, just in case. I'm gonna be fine." He sighed, then said, "I guess I can't keep this from Jess anymore. Shit, I should probably get her to stay somewhere else for a while. It might not be safe at Bobby's anymore."

"Yeah, no shit." Dean clenched his jaw for the umpteenth time that day and shook his head. "You should both stay somewhere else. Bobby, too. Fuck, we should all just move to Hawaii. Get the fuck out of here until every last member of Azazel's family is dead or in prison."

"Don't be so dramatic, Dean. I'm sure Jody's on top of everything. I trust her."

Dean bit his tongue as he got into Jo's car and buckled up. "Yeah, well, I don't. Dad died and she wasn't there."

"Dad died because he was an idiot and didn't wait for her to get there."

"Shut the hell up, Sam," Dean shouted into his phone. " _Shut the hell up!_ "

Jo gave Dean a look and he knew he wasn't gonna be on the phone much longer. "Enough," she said, just above a whisper. "Say 'goodbye'. Give him a break, Dean."

He did, because he knew the blonde would take the goddamn phone from his tense hand if he didn't. "We'll talk later, Sam," he managed to say. "Don't… I can't lose you, man."

Sam was silent a moment. "I know. I'm scared, too, Dean. But it's gonna be okay. I'm gonna be fine. I promise."

Dean managed to hold back the bitter chuckle that was pushing from behind his lips. "Right."

"I'll… I'll call you later, Dean. I've just gotta get home, tell Jess what's going on, and get her somewhere safe. Jody's gonna send some guys soon. I'm gonna be fine."

"Yeah. You're gonna be fine," Dean said, trying and failing to reassure himself. "Bye, Sammy."

"Bye."

Dean hung up, then turned to look at Jo and asked, "Alright, where to?"

Giving him a blank stare, Jo asked incredulously, "Are you shitting me?"

Rolling his eyes, Dean turned to look out his window. "I don't wanna talk about it right now. My brother's got some psycho bitch planning to kill him and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm done thinking about it." He mumbled, "It'll show up in my nightmares, anyway."

"I thought your dreams were mostly good these days?" Jo asked, starting up the truck. "With the, uh…," she quieted her voice, as if that would make it okay that they were talking about him aloud, "Castiel."

"Yeah," Dean said, a small smile tugging at his lips. Christ, he wished Cas could be there with him at that very moment. Wrap his arms around him, kiss his cheek, and tell him everything was going to be okay. He wished Cas could just distract him from all this. Or, better yet, take him away into that dream world forever. He wondered vaguely if that were possible; if Cas had the power to pull Dean and everyone he cared about into a safe place, whether it was real or not.

Jo tapped Dean lightly on the shoulder to get his attention. "I'm going to do some grocery shopping. You're coming with, and then I'll buy you dinner."

"How long does it take to get groceries for you and your mom? Jesus."

"Me and my mom and  _Anna_ , actually, and I have to get some stuff for the Roadhouse." Jo paused before saying, "So, Jess is gonna need a place to stay?"

"Apparently."

Jo seemed to be considering something for a moment, then she nodded. "I'll ask my mom if she'd mind having her stay with us. I'm sure it'd be fine. And we've got a shotgun, so, she'd be totally safe with us as opposed to being in some random hotel."

"I'll let Sam know," Dean said.

"So, about Ca-," Jo cleared her throat. "About your dreams and everything. How vague do we have to be, here?"

Dean shrugged. "Maybe avoid using his name? I dunno. Why?"

"Just wondering how things were going between you two. I mean, what did he say about the handprint?"

"He didn't." Dean sighed, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to block out the memories of his nightmare. "He wasn't there last night. Instead, I got to see Sam die."

Jo glanced over to give her friend a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"It's fine."

"No, it's not. Did you get any sleep last night?"

Dean allowed a small smile to grace his lips as he nodded lightly. "He showed up after I woke from the nightmare. Held me while I slept, I guess." He could almost feel the warmth as he spoke, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath.

"That's adorable," Jo gushed. "I hope I get to meet this guy someday."

Dean snorted.

"What? You said you've seen him before, right? When you're awake?" Jo shrugged. "I don't see why it wouldn't be possible for him to actually show up on your doorstep one day."

Dean couldn't help but grin. "That'd be awesome."

"Well, if he ever does, you'd better call me."

"I swear," Dean said, raising his right hand, "if I ever meet the guy face to face, you'll be the first to know."

It was after midnight by the time Dean got home. Jo had insisted upon buying him dinner, and then a few drinks at the Roadhouse, to help him relax. She stopped him before he could get drunk, which Dean had been a little annoyed about, but he knew he'd be grateful not to wake up with a headache.

 _Speaking of waking up, and sleeping, and… dreaming_ , Dean thought as he crawled into bed. "You'd better be there, man," he whispered.


	13. Chapter 13

"Thank fucking God, you're here," Dean all but groaned as he felt Castiel's arms wrap around him from behind. He was lying on his bed in his dream, wearing nothing but boxers, positioned between the other man's legs with his back against Castiel's chest. To Dean's mild disappointment, Cas was wearing his usual getup of a billion fucking layers.

Cas kissed the side of Dean's head, his lips surprisingly cool against the mechanic's warm skin. "Yes, I'm here."

Relaxing into the embrace, Dean smiled and closed his eyes. "This is nice."

"Yes." Cas gave Dean another kiss, this time at the top of his head. "I felt your longing for this. You like to be held and kissed gently."

Dean felt himself blush as he turned his head slightly against Castiel's chest. "Shut up."

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Castiel asked, sounding troubled.

"No," Dean sighed. "God, no. This is the most comfortable I've been since…" Trailing off, Dean turned and sat up to look the other man in the eye. "Cas, you were holding me last night."

There was a moment of silence before Cas nodded. "Yes. I helped you fall asleep after your nightmare." Another pause, and then, "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Dean. I wish I could have stopped it."

Dean clenched his jaw, looking away. "Why didn't you? I hadn't had a dream like that in… pretty much since I met you, Cas. Why weren't you there?" He thinned his lips and looked at the other man. When Castiel looked away, Dean asked, "Is it because of this?" He gestured to the handprint on his left shoulder. "I woke up with it, you know. It's real."

"I know," Cas said, meeting Dean's gaze, his tone serious.

"So, what, are you ashamed of it or something?"

Castiel frowned, tilting his head slightly, and Dean began to worry that he'd offended the guy. "No. I… I thought I was being watched. I didn't feel it was safe to meet you at that time."

Raising his brows, Dean nodded to himself. "Your 'superiors'?"

"Yes. They're watching me more closely than before. I have to be careful." Castiel clenched his jaw, then shook his head. "We should stop talking about this."

"Right." Dean sighed. "So, you felt bad about it and comforted me afterward, huh?"

"Yes."

"So, the light." Dean was almost bashful as he asked Cas, "Was that you? I mean I know it was you, but, was that your true form?" Dean peered into Castiel's eyes, as if searching for a hint of that pure light amongst the deep blue of his irises.

Castiel stared right back at him for what felt like ages, then blinked and looked away. "Dean, this isn't… I can't talk about this."

Dean strained not to roll his eyes as he groaned and moved to lean back against Castiel's chest. "Damn those superiors," he said, reaching for the other man's arms and pulling them to wrap around him again. "Why do they care if you're with me, anyway? I mean, really, what would happen if they found out?"

"Dean," Cas said, his voice firm with warning. "Stop."

With a sigh, Dean said, "Fine. Sorry."

They stayed there, quietly enjoying each other's presence for a good five minutes or so before Castiel broke the silence. "I've studied the French countryside well enough to take you there. Would you like to see it?"

Sitting up, Dean turned to smirk at the other man. "The French countryside?"

Castiel blushed. "It's… supposed to be romantic."

Something fluttered in Dean's chest as he watched the other man watch him. "Christ, Cas, that's gay," he said with a grin.

Frowning, Cas tilted his head and said, "If I am assumed to be male in human form, then, by definition, I think our relationship  _is_  g-"

"Exactly. Take me to France, baby," he chuckled, leaning forward and pressing a sweet kiss to Castiel's lips.

Before he could take another breath, Dean was standing in a field, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. The grass only came up to his ankles, but it seemed taller as he looked on. In the distance, he could see fields of lavender. Turning to Castiel, who wore a satisfied smile, he said, "Wow, Cas. This is… Wow."

"You like it," Castiel deduced. He tilted his head toward the setting sun, quirking a brow. "I chose this time because the colors in the sky contrast quite nicely with the colors on the ground."

Dean smirked. "You'd have a helluva time at Ikea." When Castiel did nothing more than squint at him, the mechanic shook his head and chuckled. "Never mind. This would be the perfect place for, like, a picnic or something."

"Good idea," Castiel said, nodding seriously, as though they were planning a heist. "How could I best prepare a picnic for next time?"

Pointing at the ground beneath their feet, Dean said, "Blanket. We've gotta have a decent place to sit." He looked thoughtful for a few seconds before adding, "Basket of food, a few drinks… sex." Dean smirked. "Ingredients for the perfect picnic."

Castiel blushed at Dean's last suggestion. "I wasn't aware that picnics usually involved sex."

"Well, they don't  _have_  to, but…," Dean shrugged, taking a step closer to Cas's side and reaching out to put an arm around him. "Sex would sure as hell make it better."

Castiel tilted his head away from Dean, his cheeks becoming more and more pink. "Oh," he said, his voice low.

Frowning, Dean removed his arm from around the other man's waist and turned to better face him. "Unless… Unless you don't  _want_  it."

Meeting Dean's eyes, Castiel was quick to say, "No. I enjoy exploring human sexuality with you, Dean. That's not… I just…" He looked away then, thinning his lips as he focused intently on the grass at his feet.

"You just what?" Frustrated, Dean put a hand on Castiel's shoulder, urging him to look him in the eye. "What, Cas?"

Cas looked up, his eyes wide with vulnerability. "When I'm with you, I feel… more. I don't know how to explain it, but… That's why I marked you." He reached out then, placing his hand over the clothed print on Dean's arm before bringing it up to the mechanic's face. "It wasn't just because I enjoyed having sex, Dean. It's because I feel… something. Something deeper."

Dean remained still for a moment, not dropping Castiel's gaze. Finally, licking his lips, he said, "You think you're alone in that?"

Bringing his hand back to his side, Cas frowned and tilted his head.

"Idiot," Dean said, rolling his eyes before taking a step closer and giving Castiel a short but deep kiss. When he pulled away, he looked the other man in the eye and told him, "You're not alone in that."

Castiel stood dumbfounded for a few seconds before uttering a quiet, "Oh."

"Yeah."

"You feel more for me than just sexual attraction?"

"Where in the hell did you get the idea that I didn't?!"

"I… don't know." Cas gave Dean a shy smile and shrugged. "I'm not particularly skilled in the area of human interaction."

Dean chuckled, reaching out to ruffle the other man's hair. "Yeah, I got that."

"What is this, then?"

"This what? Us?"

Castiel simply blushed and blinked at Dean.

"Don't worry about it," Dean said, waving a dismissive hand as he took a seat on the ground. "We don't need to call it anything. I mean, you're not even human."

When Dean patted the ground beside him, Castiel smiled and moved to sit there. "I wouldn't know what to call it, anyway," he said, then took a deep breath. "All these emotions… I'm not used to them. I'm not sure what I'm feeling most of the time."

"Does it really matter?" Dean asked, leaning back to rest on his elbows before giving up and lying down in the grass.

"Keeping your emotions 'in check', as they say, is good for your health." Castiel copied Dean's movement and settled beside him.

Dean struggled not to roll his eyes, opting instead to roll over on his side. "You care about my health, huh?" he teased, propping himself up on his elbow so he could look down at Castiel.

"Of course," the other man said, leaning up to kiss Dean before deciding upon pulling him closer.

Dean collided with Castiel's chest with a surprised huff, which quickly turned into a pleased moan when he found himself pressing his lips to Cas's.

They kissed contentedly for a few minutes before Dean sighed and pulled away, lying on his back once again.

"What?" Castiel asked, his voice considerably lighter than usual.

Closing his eyes, Dean smiled. "Nothing. I could sleep here, like this."

"Do you want to? I could let you rest, like we did th-"

"I don't want to rest," Dean interrupted, opening his eyes and frowning, "'cause then I'll wake up sooner."

"Why don't you want to wake up?"

Dean blinked up at the sky, in its eternal sunset, and clenched his jaw as he felt tears welling up in his eyes. "Sam," he managed to say. "He's not safe, Cas."

"I know, Dean. I'm sorry." With a sigh, Castiel turned to better face Dean and reached out to rub his chest. "I wish I could help."

"Can't you?" Dean asked, shifting his gaze to his friend's. He turned on his side, his face mere inches from Castiel's as he looked at him with pleading eyes. "You watch me throughout the day, right?"

"I observe your daily activities when I have the time, yes, but-"

"So keep an eye on my little brother," Dean demanded, although it sounded more like begging. "Sammy's safety is way more important than what I'm having for lunch, Cas."

Castiel closed his mouth, his lips thinning as he nodded. "I agree."

With a relieved sigh, Dean closed his eyes and nodded. "Good. Don't let me lose him, too. He's the only family I've got left."

"You've had a painful life," Castiel stated, almost too simply in Dean's opinion. "But I hope I can help make it better, somehow. Even if…," Cas sighed, looking down at what little space was left between them. "Even if I can only change your dreams."

Dean watched his friend's expression fall and wondered if Castiel was feeling guilty about not being able to do more for him.  _Or being able but not allowed_ , he thought, remembering that the guy was apparently under surveillance. Blinking his thoughts away, Dean put an arm around Cas and pulled him closer until their bodies were pressed together. "I think I'll take you up on that resting thing, now."

Castiel gave Dean a soft smile and nodded. "Alright."

Dean was able to sneak a few kisses before he let himself fall into a deeper sleep, curled up against Castiel. If he'd remained conscious for just a little while longer, he might've heard the man beside him whisper, "I think I'm 'in love' with you, Dean."


	14. Chapter 14

"Cas," Dean muttered into his pillow, squeezing his eyes shut as the light came in through his window. "Cas, babe, what time is it?"

When nothing but silence answered him, Dean sat up and rubbed his eyelids with the back of his hand. "Cas?" He looked beside him, frowning upon realizing he was alone.  _Oh._   _Right_ , he thought, feeling like an idiot as he rolled out of bed.  _I'm an idiot_. He glanced at the clock. "I'm an idiot, and I'm late for work."

The garage didn't get much business that day, which gave Dean enough time to finish his work on the Impala. He stood back after washing the exterior, wiping his brow with a soapy hand as he surveyed the result of months of hard work. The mechanic grinned at his Baby and turned to head into the house.

"Sammy," he said upon opening the front door, "I finished her. She's road-ready. Wanna grab dinner with me? I feel like we should celebrate."

Sam looked up from his place at the kitchen table with a frown. "Huh?"

"Baby. She's good as new."

"Oh. Sure, Dean," the younger Winchester said, shutting the book he'd been reading and standing up. "Let me grab Jess." He stopped before he got to the hall. "I mean, if that's alright with y-"

"Jess's fine, bring her along. Baby loves attention."

Sam chuckled, shaking his head as he continued to his room. "Okay, Dean."

"So, now what?"

Dean looked up from his burger and frowned at his brother. "What what?"

"You've been working on the Impala for months," Sam said. "Now what are you gonna obsess over?"

Dean shifted his gaze to Sam's chest, the bloody imagery from his last nightmare reminding him that his brother was in danger and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Clenching his jaw, he averted his gaze and forced a careless shrug. "Dunno."

"You should take up a hobby," Jess suggested with a smile. "Maybe you can start traveling, now that you've got your car back."

 _There's an idea_ , Dean thought. "Maybe  _you_  should take a trip, Sam. You and Jess. Get outta town for a while. 'Til it's safe."

"Safe?" Jess asked, cocking a brow. She chuckled, looking to her boyfriend. "Is there something I should know?"

Sam glared at Dean, then shook his head. "No, it's fine. Dean's just worried about… tornadoes."

Rolling his eyes, Dean sighed and nodded. "Yeah. Tornadoes. Seriously, you guys should take a vacation. Don't even plan, just… take off. I've done it a few times. It's fun."

"Sounds like you want us gone, Dean," Jess teased.

"I want you to enjoy yourselves."

"Well, we want the same for you," Sam said, steering the conversation away from himself as he gave Dean a "shut the hell up" look. "Maybe  _you_  should do some traveling. Take your mind off things."

Dean bit his tongue. "Right."

"What's your top travel destination?" Jess asked. "I've got a friend who works for a travel agency, I bet she could help-"

"I'm good, thanks," Dean interrupted. He smiled at his brother's girlfriend and nodded. "I do enough traveling in my dreams," he mumbled. He chuckled to himself, half-hoping that Cas had heard him.

"Whatever that means," Jess said. She stood then, excusing herself to the restroom.

"Your dreams have been… lighter, then, these days?" Sam asked with a genuinely inquisitive expression on his face.

"Considerably," Dean said with a nod, not even trying to conceal the small smile that came to his lips at the mere thought of Castiel. He looked at his brother, then remembered his bleeding chest again. "For the most part, anyway," he said, his smile falling as he looked away.

"Well that's… good," Sam said.

"Yeah," Dean said absently. He blinked, then shook his head lightly. "Anyway, I was serious about that vacation, Sammy. I could even help pay for it."

Sam clenched his jaw, then softened his expression when Dean looked up at him with a hopeless frown. "Dean… I'm fine," he said. "I'm safe. Jody's got people looking out for me. I'm gonna be okay."

"You've got a psycho murderer's daughter stalking you, Sam. You're not fine. You're not safe.  _Jess_  isn't safe, and she doesn't even know what's going on! Are you really gonna put her in danger on the  _hunch_  that you're gonna be okay?"

"Leave Jess out of this."

"Okay. Sure. I'll leave her out of it. Let's just all be happy and forget about it." Dean leaned forward upon noticing that Jess was returning, lowering his voice. "You think this Meg chick is gonna leave her out of it, too? Get out of here, Sammy. Get  _her_  out of here."

Sam shook his head. "I'm not leaving Lawrence until this whole thing is over."

Dean bit his tongue and leaned back in his seat, giving up with an annoyed huff.

 

"And then he said he trusted Jody to take care of the whole thing," Dean told Cas, pacing the floor of his living room as he dreamt. "I mean, she's great at what she does, don't get me wrong, but this is the guy who killed my dad. Or, his daughter, anyway. This is out of Jody's league. We can't fight this one. And when you can't fight, you've gotta run. Why the hell doesn't he get that?"

"I don't know, Dean," Castiel replied, his voice soft as he watched the other man collapse on the couch. He followed and sat beside him. "As I said, I'll try to watch over him. But there isn't much that I can do without the risk of being caught."

Dean glanced at Cas and shook his head. "This isn't your problem. I mean, look out for him, sure, but… I don't want you getting in trouble. If I lost you, on top of this thing with Sam, I can't…"

Shaking his head, Castiel put a hand on the other man's shoulder. "Dean-"

"I can't think about this anymore," Dean said, leaning into Castiel and breathing in the increasingly familiar scent of his trenchcoat. Cas smelled like fresh earth, burning wood, ocean water, and something Dean couldn't quite place. Maybe it was a scent that could only be found wherever Cas was from. Dean didn't care much what it was. He loved that scent. It was Cas. It was safe. He might even dare to say it was home. "I need a distraction."

Castiel smiled. "I can help with that, if you want."

"Yeah?" Dean smiled dumbly against Cas's chest, throwing an arm around the other man's neck and lightly tugging the hair at the back of his head. "How're you gonna do that?"

"I was thinking we should have sex," Castiel stated simply, rubbing small circles with his thumb on Dean's back. "Or something."

"Or something." Dean chuckled, lifting his head to kiss the side of the other man's jaw. "You're cute."

"Thank you. You're the most attractive being I've ever witnessed the existence of." Castiel shrugged out of Dean's embrace and proceeded to remove his outerwear. "You should remove your shirt, to begin with."

Dean beamed, sitting up and pulling his shirt up and over his head in one swift, eager movement. He tossed it on the floor before standing on his knees and reaching for Cas, helping him remove his tie with a smirk. "You know, you could just mojo our clothes to another dimension again. Would make things go a little quicker, Mr. One-Billion-Layers."

"I like you undressing me," Castiel said, blushing as he looked away. "It's more intimate."

Leaning in to press a chaste kiss to Cas's lips, Dean mumbled a happy, "Yeah. I like it, too." He laughed as he pulled away, unbuttoning Castiel's dress shirt as quickly as he could. "I'm just a little impatient, here. You wear way too many clothes, Cas."

"I've seen you in your daily life, Dean. You often wear at least two articles of clothing on your torso, if not three."

Dean smirked. "And yet I always end up half naked in my dreams." He waggled his brows at Castiel. "Who's responsible for that, hm?"

Castiel let a shy smile show on his face before he looked away. "I like you in the basic 'jeans and a t-shirt' outfit."

"Oh, really?" Dean dropped his hands in his lap, glancing at his shirt on the floor. "Well, I could always put it back on if you  _really_  like me better that way," he said, fighting a grin as he reached for the abandoned article of clothing.

Castiel's hand stopped Dean's own. "No," he said sternly. "That's not funny."

"Geez, Cas," Dean said, licking his lips as he resumed his work on getting Castiel's shirt off. "You're real serious when it comes to sex, huh?"

"I don't want to waste the limited time that I have with you," Castiel said, sounding somewhat guilty about his lack of availability. "Which makes your previous point a valid one," he added, then smiled at a suddenly naked Dean. "There."

Dean sucked in a breath. "Damn it," he groaned. "That's so disorienting."

"You wanted me to do it," Castiel reminded him.

"Yeah, well, warn a guy, Cas."

"I'm going to make myself naked, as well," Cas said, and, in a blink, followed through on his statement.

Dean chuckled, shaking his head as he reached out and pulled the other man against himself. "You don't have to warn me when you're doing it to  _you_ , you dork."

Castiel sighed, rolling his eyes as he massaged Dean's bare back with the palms of his hands. "I was being funny."

"You sure about that?" Dean teased, looking around the room with raised brows. "'Cause I don't hear any laughing, so…"

Castiel shut Dean up by shifting until he could rut against him. He started slow, clutching Dean's back as he pressed kisses to his neck until he elicited a moan from the mechanic. "You're right, Dean," he said, his voice like honey. "I definitely don't hear any laughing."

Dean did nothing more than groan, wrapping his arms around the other man. He tried to pull him closer, as if that were possible, and reveled in the surprised gasp that left Castiel's lips when Dean started sucking on the skin just above his collarbone. Smiling, Dean moved up to Castiel's neck and left a few marks there before lifting his head and bringing their lips together. He pushed his tongue into the other man's mouth, sliding it in and out so slowly that Cas started whimpering. Dean pulled away with a cocky smile and quirked a brow at the heavy-lidded man in front of him. "What's wrong, Cas?"

"Your tongue is…," Cas paused to take a deep breath, "amazing. I need more."

Dean merely winked at the other man, then shoved him onto his back on the couch. He moved down until his mouth was hovering over Castiel's thigh, smirking and just  _breathing_  over his crotch.

"Dean, please," Castiel begged, lifting his lips in effort to bring himself into contact with Dean's mouth. Suddenly, Cas sat up and said, "Wait."

Startled, Dean nearly fell off the couch. "What?!"

"I want to…," Cas bit his lip, avoiding Dean's eyes as he hesitated to speak again. After a moment, he said, "I observed your car today."

Dean frowned. "What?"

"Your 'Baby', as you call it. I… I studied it so that… Um… I was hoping we could, perhaps…"

Dean started grinning when he realized what Castiel was struggling to say. "You wanna have sex in the Impala?"

Castiel held Dean's bright gaze for hardly a second before he looked away and gulped. "I-if that's alright with you."

"Jesus, Cas." Dean leaned over and kissed the other man hard on the mouth. "It's  _alright with me_."

In a flash, they were sitting in the back of the Impala. It was dark outside, so dark that Dean couldn't even tell what was out there, but the lights were on in the car, allowing him to see everything that was important. Dean sucked in a breath, his eyes wide as he took in the sight of Castiel, naked in the back seat of his car. He wasted no time in asking, "What d'you wanna do back here?"

"Whatever you were about to do with your mouth. It was incredibly desirable."

Dean beamed. "Sit back," he ordered. "This isn't the best place to do this, to be honest, but…," he sucked in a breath, nodding to himself. "Yeah, this is a great place to do this." He wasted no time in guiding Castiel to lean against the door, then moved back to the other side of the car and lay down as best as he could, bringing his head up to Castiel's lap. He started with chaste kisses against the man's thigh, suddenly remembering that he had never actually sucked a guy's dick. But,  _Christ_ , he wasn't gonna let that stop him. Not when Cas was already practically writhing against the car door and reaching for Dean's hair. Not when he could hear the soft little gasps he was making just because Dean's mouth was so damn close to his cock. And that cock,  _fuck_ , it was leaking precome and straining against Castiel's stomach. Yeah, Dean had no doubts about how badly he wanted to taste that dick.

So he did.

Without warning, Dean darted his tongue out over the head of Castiel's cock. He moaned along with the other man, the only thought running through his mind being,  _Fuck, he tastes amazing_.

"Dean! F-fuck! Dean!" Cas was clenching his jaw, gripping Dean's hair tightly with one hand and clutching at the back of his own neck with the other. "Dean!"

Dean's own hardness began to ache because,  _shit_ , he'd just made Castiel say "fuck", probably for the first time ever in the being's life. "Fuck, Cas. Shit, babe." He brought a hand down to wrap around his own dick and started jerking himself off as his tongue lapped at the head of Cas's leaking cock.

Castiel bit his lip hard, looking down at Dean as the mechanic winked at him before taking a good inch of his dick in his warm, wet mouth. "Deeean," he groaned, his breath hitching as he twitched in Dean's mouth.

It took Dean a moment to figure out how best to go about sucking Cas off, but once he got it, he was sucking enthusiastically, twirling his tongue around the beautiful cock after every few sucks and humming whenever he heard Cas moan.

"D-Dean, I'm. Shit. Dean!" Castiel's moans became increasingly more desperate, his chest rising and falling in a quick, unsteady rhythm. "Dean! Please!"

Dean gave one last suck before sitting up, moving quickly to cover Castiel's mouth with his own. He slid his tongue on top of Cas's, sucking it lightly before giving it a light nip, eliciting a needy moan from the other man. Dean shifted until he could wrap his hand around both of their cocks, and began jerking them off together as he resumed fucking Castiel's mouth with his tongue.

Castiel moaned into Dean's mouth one last time before he came, practically clawing at Dean's back as he whimpered his name repeatedly.

"Cas," Dean breathed, sucking in a deep breath as he felt his orgasm building up.

"Wait," Castiel said, nearly out of breath. He grabbed Dean's hand and moved it away, despite the man's protesting whimper. "I want to have my lips around it when you orgasm."

"Jesus, Cas," Dean moaned, leaning back helplessly as Castiel moved until he was breathing over Dean's dick. "I'm not gonna last long."

Castiel smiled, then licked the tip of Dean's cock. He moaned, sucking in a breath before eagerly taking him in his mouth. He mimicked Dean's earlier actions, twirling his tongue around the dick in his mouth as he sucked.

Dean really  _didn't_  last long, and came down Cas's throat within seconds, moaning happily as Castiel swallowed every bit of his release. "Shit, Cas," he whispered, his breath shallow. "You're awesome."

"Thank you," Castiel said with a soft smile, sitting up in what had suddenly turned into Dean's bed. "You're… Dean, I can't find words to describe how I feel about you."

Dean blushed, trying and failing to hide how much the other man's words made him want to grin.

"Would you like to do that thing you refuse to call 'cuddling', now?"

With a chuckle, Dean got under the sheets and lay down. "C'mere."

"Yes, then?" Castiel smiled, getting under the sheets with the other man and draping an arm over his side.

"Yes, Cas." Dean pressed a sweet kiss to Castiel's forehead, then lay his head on his pillow and closed his eyes. "We should go somewhere again soon."

Castiel snuggled closer to Dean, resting his head against the taller man's shoulder. "I was planning on setting up that picnic in France, like you'd suggested."

"Yeah?" Dean beamed.

"Yes. I can have it ready tomorrow night when you go to sleep."

Dean rubbed Castiel's back and smiled, letting out a content sigh. "Then I guess we've got a date."


	15. Chapter 15

Dean had to tell someone.

Well, Charlie already knew. And Jo. And Anna, even. But, damn it, they knew _too much_. He needed to tell someone the un-sci-fi version. He had a really cool, really sweet, really _hot_ boyfriend, and he had to tell someone.

Sam seemed like the perfect candidate.

Dean would just have to omit the “boyfriend” part. He wasn’t quite ready to tell his brother he was into guys yet. It wasn’t even because he thought Sam wouldn’t be supportive. It was more because he suspected that Sam already knew he was bi, and he would gloat about being right until the day he died.

 

“Guess who's got a hot lunch date in France?” Dean said as he barged into Bobby’s house. “Well, it's not really a lunch date,” he corrected himself, walking past the front of the house since it seemed to be empty. “It's at night. And it's not actually in… France…” Dean frowned upon opening his brother’s door and finding an empty room. “Sammy?” 

Dean closed the door and headed toward the bathroom. “Sam, you in there?” he asked, tapping on the door. Silence. “Guess not.”

He went into the kitchen, gulping when he found it unoccupied. Sam had said that he was going to be there doing online coursework all day. Where else would he set up his laptop? “Sam, where the hell are you?”

After checking every room in the house, Dean stepped outside and went around to the garage. 

Nothing.

Dean began to panic. “ _Sam_! Where the fuck are you?!”

Sam’s car was still parked outside, and Dean found his keys and wallet on his bedside table. He pulled out his phone in a hurry, his hands shaking as he dialed Bobby.

“Hello?” the older man answered.

“Bobby, how long have you been out?”

“About two hours. Why?”

“Is…,” Dean took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Did Sam go with you?”

“No. Last I saw, he was sittin’ at the table before I left. Said he’d be doing school on the computer all day.”

Dean could barely bring himself to voice his concern. “I… I think he’s gone, Bobby.” He began to sink down to the ground, his stomach churning as he managed to say in a shaky breath, “I think she took him.”

 

In the time it took Bobby to get back, Dean called Jody, Jo, and Charlie to inform them of the situation. Jody arrived within ten minutes, demanding to know where the men she’d assigned to keep watch outside of the house had gone.

“Maybe she got them, too,” Dean mumbled, feeling numb as he sat at the kitchen table and stared blankly ahead.

“Impossible.” Jody shook her head. “They were armed. They should have been alert. There’s no way Meg Masters could have-”

Jody was interrupted by Bobby entering through the front door. “Any news on Sam?” he demanded.

“He’s gone.” Dean cringed at his own words, as they made the situation all the more real.

“We don’t know that for sure,” Jody said. “But we’ve got people looking, just in case. We’re not…,” the woman sighed sadly. “ _I’m_ not going to let anything happen to your brother.”

Dean shook his head, moving to stand as he said, “I can’t sit here. I’m gonna go look for him.” He made his way to the door, barely registering Jody’s warning to be careful. “Sure.”

“I mean it, Dean! Call if you find anything. Don’t… Don’t make the same mistake your father did.”

Dean didn’t reply to Jody, slamming the door behind him and jogging to his car.

 

The first place he thought to visit was the warehouse his dad had been killed in. He figured that, maybe, if Meg was really set on carrying out her father’s work, she’d do it at the same location he had.

He stepped in, his heart nearly pounding out of his chest as he winced at the setting. His father had been murdered just a few yards into the warehouse, and Dean could hardly breathe as he laid his eyes upon the stain John’s blood had left there. There was a note resting on top of it.

Rushing to the spot, Dean picked up the paper and swallowed hard as he read it.

_Guess again._

 

“No,” he whispered, crumpling the note in his hand and shoving it in his pocket.

He was dizzy as he attempted to run back to his car. He barely made it to the exit before he vomited on the asphalt, his knees shaky as he doubled over. When he was done, he tried to stand up straight again, grasping at the exterior wall of the warehouse for stability. He walked alongside it, his hand on the wall the entire time as he made his way toward the Impala. 

It was at the end of the wall that he felt his hand slide over a piece of paper that had been taped there. He looked up, frowning at the object for a second before looking away.

Within seconds, he turned to look back at the paper.

It was an obituary.

Dean’s eyes skimmed the torn out newspaper piece, his mouth dropping when he realized that he’d seen it before, in his father’s room. It had been nearly two decades ago, but Dean remembered it vividly. John had caught him looking at it and mumbled something about learning from mistakes before shoving him away.

Upon examining the obituary further, Dean realized that the deceased’s name was Tom Masters. He’d been “taken from his family” at the age of eight, having been “in the wrong place, at the wrong time”.

Suddenly, it all made sense.

Tom was Azazel’s son. Meg’s brother. And John Winchester had accidentally shot and killed him while working a case.

Dean tore the paper from the wall, pulling out his cellphone with his other hand and opening his internet browser. He searched for old news reports from Tom’s date of death, hoping to find a location.

He had an address within seconds, and he took off to his car without any further thought.

As he sped down the road to the apartment complex Tom had been killed in, Dean couldn’t help but blurt out, “You said you’d keep an eye on him, Cas!” He lowered his voice to a broken whisper, his lip quivering as he said, “Why can’t you just be here? I… I need you here. _Sam_ needs you here. Please…” Dean trailed off, shaking his head and blinking away tears as he drove, his hands tightening their grip on the steering wheel.

 

Dean had barely put the car in park before he emerged from the vehicle, charging into the abandoned building with nothing more than a screwdriver he’d grabbed off the front seat of the Impala. He surveyed the area around him, glancing from door to door. Most of them were closed, and appeared to have been closed for years. He jogged up the first set of stairs, not really thinking before shouting, “Sammy?!”

There was a distant thud that sounded like it came from the floor above him, and Dean scrambled to get to the next set of stairs, his stomach in knots. “Sam!”

When he got to the next floor, the older Winchester squeezed the screwdriver in his sweaty hand, trying to catch his breath as he slowed down and approached the only door that was wide open. 

What had he been thinking, going there alone? He could handle himself in a fight, sure, but this wasn’t a fight, and he knew it. This was a woman who had single-handedly taken out two cops and Dean’s brother. A woman who was set on avenging her little brother’s death, just like her dad. And Dean was armed with a fucking screwdriver.

He swallowed nervously as he reached the room, realizing that he was probably going to die within seconds of entering it. Sam was probably already dead, and Meg was just waiting to finish the job of killing off the entire Winchester family. Taking a deep breath, Dean turned the corner into the room.

The first thing he saw was the back of a redheaded girl, her right hand raised and holding a long, silver blade. She had cornered another woman with short blonde hair and a red leather jacket. The blonde girl smirked at Dean, saying, “Sammy’s bleeding out in the tub, Dean.” She winked, nodding toward the hall across from her. “Might wanna check up on him.”

Dean dropped the screwdriver, the sudden clank on the ground not even phasing the girls in front of him as he rushed past the scene. “Sam,” he called, nearly running into the wall as he reached the bathroom. “Sam!”

He found his brother just as Meg had described him. Sam was covered in his own blood, lying seemingly unconscious in the rusty bathtub.

“Sammy,” Dean managed to say, getting down on his knees beside the tub and reaching out to hold his brother’s face. “Sam,” he pleaded. “Sam!”

There was a shrill scream from the front room, but Dean hardly noticed it as he shakingly got out his phone and dialed 911.

“911, what’s your emergency?” a woman answered within seconds.

“M-my brother,” Dean stuttered, staring at the bloodied boy’s face. “My brother, he’s… he’s bleeding. He was kidnapped and attacked and now he’s unconscious and bleeding and-”

“Sir, what is your location?” the woman pressed, her voice soft but urgent.

Dean gulped, losing the ability to think for a moment before shaking his head and reciting the address.

“Help is already on the way. Is the attacker still nearby?”

“I-I… I don’t know,” Dean said, suddenly remembering the scream he’d heard just moments before. “I don’t know.”

“Please try to stay on the phone until help arrives.” The woman waited a moment before asking calmly, “Is your brother breathing?”

Dean held his hand out in front of his brother’s face and heaved a deep sigh of relief, dropping his head and nodding. “Yes.”

“Can you identify the location of his wounds?”

Wincing at his brother’s bloodied shirt, Dean nodded. “It… It looks like she just cut him all around his chest. I don’t think she stabbed him.” Dean tried to let himself feel relieved as he realized Meg had been interrupted by whoever that other girl was before she’d had a chance to actually kill Sam. He glanced at his brother’s face, thinning his lips. “He’s… He’s got cuts on his face, too, but they aren’t that deep.”

“Are you able to-”

Dean never heard the rest of the woman’s question, because he dropped his phone in reaction to feeling a hand on his shoulder. He nearly fell on his ass as he stood and turned around, his mouth falling open when he realized who had touched him. “A-Anna?!”

“Meg is dead,” Anna said, then glanced at Sam with a frown. “I think he’s going to be okay. She didn’t want to kill him right away, she was going to torture him first. Luckily, I arrived before-”

“What the _fuck_ is going on?!” Dean stared at the redhead in front of him in shock. “Who the fuck _are_ you?!”

Anna gave Dean a sympathetic look and shook her head. “I can’t… I shouldn’t-”

“No,” Dean said, pointing a finger at the girl. “Not you, too. I’ve had enough of people bullshitting me about who or what they are. And you’re dating one of my best friends. Jo’s like a sister to me. Does _she_ know you track down murderers in your free time? How did you even-”

“Dean, it’s… complicated. I’m not exactly-”

“Are you a cop?” Dean demanded. “FBI? CIA? Fucking Black Widow? How the hell do you know how to fight something like she was? Meg wasn’t fucking human, man, how did you-”

“How did you know that?” Anna interrupted, her eyes going wide.

Dean frowned. “What?”

“How did you know that she wasn’t… Oh.”

Dean blinked at the girl in front of him, unable to form a sentence for a moment. Finally, he said, “I was making a point.”

Anna smiled. “Yeah-”

“But you weren’t. You…” Dean took a deep breath, then narrowed his eyes at the redhead and folded his arms over his chest. “Okay, you’re going to tell me what the hell she was, then. Right fucking now.”

Anna thinned her lips, then nodded. “Fine. She was a demon.” She frowned, then added, “Well, possessed by one.”

Gulping, Dean unfolded his arms. “A demon.”

“Yes.”

Dean nodded to himself, going quiet for a moment. He looked back at Anna, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he finally asked, “How did you know?”

“I’ve been around long enough to be able to recognize demonic activity, even without my grace.” As soon as the words left Anna’s mouth, her eyes went wide. “I mean, I-”

“Grace?”

“Dean, please try to forget what I just-”

“Not a chance. What’s grace? Are you… not human?” A million thoughts raced through Dean’s mind, most of them centered around Castiel. Anna sounded way too much like Cas, and there was no way in hell that Dean was gonna believe that was just a coincidence. His heart was pounding as he thought aloud, “If there’re demons, then… Then there’s gotta be…”

“Angels,” Anna sighed, lowering her head in defeat. “Angels, Dean. Yes.”

Dean licked his lips. “You’re…”

Anna glanced at the blade still in her hand, now covered in Meg’s blood. “I was.”

The sirens outside kept Dean from saying anything more, bringing his attention back to his brother.

“I need to leave,” Anna said, backing away from the scene. “I can’t be seen here. Especially not with this.” She waved her blade, then left the room and said, “Tell them you found Meg dead. Don’t let them know I was here. Now you understand why I can’t explain this.”

Dean nodded.

 

As Sam was carried to the ambulance, Dean followed closely behind. His brain was trying to figure out whether to focus on what had almost just happened to his brother, or what he’d just found out about Anna. 

His varied thoughts fought for his attention as he sat in the back of the ambulance in silence.

 _Sam could have died,_ he thought. _Angels are real._

 _I couldn’t protect him,_ and, _Anna was an angel._

 _Sam is going to be okay,_ he realized with a deep sigh of relief. _It’s over_.

And then another realization hit him, and suddenly Dean found it difficult to breathe.

_Castiel is an angel._


	16. Chapter 16

_Castiel is an angel._

It was all Dean could think about as he paced the floor of Sam’s hospital room.

 _Castiel is a goddamn angel_.

He had to be, didn’t he? Dean alternated between nodding because it made sense, and shaking his head because it was fucking ridiculous.

But it really did explain a lot. It explained why Anna acted so strangely whenever they talked about Cas. It explained how Cas had the power to do what he did. It explained why being around Cas made Dean feel like he was in heaven.

What it _didn’t_ explain was why in the hell Castiel was so afraid of his “superiors”. Who supervised the angels? Other angels? God? _Gods_ , plural? Were they dangerous? Were _all_ angels dangerous? Was _Cas_ … “No,” Dean said aloud, waving a hand in the air and rolling his eyes at himself for ever even _considering_ that Castiel would ever hurt him. He was an angel. Angels weren’t supposed to hurt people. They _protected_ people. _Wait,_ Dean thought as he finally took a seat besides Sam’s bed, _is he my goddamn_ guardian _angel?_

Sam stirred in his sleep, and Dean glanced up to look at him.

“Where in the hell was _your_ guardian angel today?” he said aloud, then thinned his lips as he surveyed the cuts on his brother’s face.

The nurse had said that Sam would be alright, but Dean wasn’t about to leave before his brother woke up. He could’ve lost him forever. _Or_ would _it have been forever?_ Dean couldn’t help but wonder if, since angels existed, there might be a heaven. He recalled that his brother had seemed fond of the idea, but Dean himself had never really believed in it. He’d spent too much of his time worrying about all the shit in the real world to fantasize about other ones.

Sam’s eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the bright hospital lights. “Dean?” he said, then winced, having accidentally stretched the cuts on his face.

“Sammy.” Dean looked up, then stood and reached out to fluff his brother’s hair with one hand. “It’s over, Sam,” he said, sounding more tired than happy, despite his smile. “It’s finally over.”

“Meg?”

“Dead.”

Sam nodded. “Good.” He looked up at Dean with watering eyes. “Y’know, for a moment, I thought I wasn’t gonna make it out alive,” he said, if only in a whisper.

Dean gulped, sitting back down. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really. Later, maybe. Not yet.”

“‘Kay,” Dean sighed, not sure he was ever gonna be ready to hear of the horrors his brother had endured.

“How’d you find me?”

Dean smirked. “I’m a genius, that’s how.”

Sam breathed a small laugh. “Right. How’d you know I’d been taken?”

“I went to Bobby’s to tell you something, but you weren’t there.” Dean shrugged. “You’d said you were gonna be there all day, and your car was still parked outside. So, I kinda panicked. Called Jody, went looking for you, found you, and here we are.”

Sam cocked a brow. “Wait, how’d you get past Meg?”

“What, like I can’t take someone down if I have to?”

“Dean.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I’ll save that story for another time, man. It’s kinda…”

“I get it, Dean,” Sam said with a nod. “You’ve been through a lot of crap today, too.”

“Well, not as much as you.”

Sam frowned at his brother. “Still. I think you should go home. I mean, like you said, it’s over. You can rest now.”

“Sam, I don’t need-”

“Bullshit,” Sam laughed, shaking his head. “Are you kidding me, Dean? After all that?” He gave his brother a sympathetic smile. “Look, you need to relax, and I need some more rest. Believe me, I won’t be upset if you go home.”

Dean opened his mouth, then closed it and gave a single nod. “Right. Okay. I’ll just… go home.”

“Good.”

Dean began to exit the room, then paused and turned back to his brother. “Oh, Jess called me a while ago. She got stuck in traffic, but she’s on her way.”

Sam grinned. “Great. Oh, Dean?”

“Hm?”

“What is it that you wanted to tell me? I mean, when you went to Bobby’s and couldn’t find me. You said you wanted to tell me something.”

Dean chuckled. “Long story, man. Just a life update. I’ll tell you later.”

“Well, is it a good thing?” Sam asked.

“I’d say it is.”

Sam quirked a brow at his grinning brother. “C’mon, Dean, give me, like, a two-word hint.”

Dean bit his lip, debating for a moment before giving his brother a smirk and saying, “My boyfriend.” He turned around, leaving the room, and ignored Sam as he pressed for more information.

“Your boyfriend? Dean, wait! C’mon, really, you leave after saying _that_?!” Sam called after him.

Dean just grinned to himself as he made his way down the hall. He’d finally said it, and that made it all the more real.

 

As soon as he got back to his apartment, Dean headed for his room for a long-overdue nap. There was a conversation he needed to have with Castiel.

The moment his head hit his pillow, Dean found himself back on the French countryside, lying next to Cas. They were on a red and white checkered picnic blanket, a basket of wine and what appeared to be sandwiches resting down by their feet.

“I told you I’d have it ready the next time we saw each other,” Castiel said, looking at Dean with a smile. “Do you like it?”

Dean closed his eyes, taking in the feeling of a light breeze on his face. There was a sensation on his skin that was similar to the warmth of the sun, but Dean recognized it to be Castiel’s light. “Mmm, this is nice.” He opened his eyes, staring back at the other man. Or, angel. _Right._ “Uh, Cas,” Dean began, sitting up, “we need to talk.”

A nervous look crossed Castiel’s face as he moved to mirror Dean. “About what?” he tried–and failed–to say nonchalantly.

“First of all, where the hell were you when Meg decided to make Sam her new toy?” Dean didn’t realize how angry he’d been about Castiel’s absence until the words left his lips.

Castiel grimaced. “I was unable to intervene. I’m sorry, Dean. I know I said I’d look after your brother. But my superiors-”

“ _Fuck_ your superiors, Cas,” Dean practically shouted. “Who the hell do they think they are? _What_ are they?”

“That’s a dangerous conversation, Dean,” Cas said, shaking his head and looking anywhere but at the other man. “Stop.”

Dean bit his lip. He reached out and put a firm but gentle hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Hey,” he said, waiting for the being to look him in the eye. “I just need some answers, Cas. Anna said…” He sighed. “Look, I know there are angels. And demons.”

Castiel swallowed hard, then shook his head and patted the picnic blanket he was sitting on. “Didn’t you say picnics were better with sex?”

A small smile crossed Dean’s lips, but he shook it off. “Don’t try to seduce me out of this conversation, Cas.”

“Dean-”

“No, I know what you are. I mean, I’m pretty sure I do. I just need confirmation, Cas. It’s driving me-” Dean cleared his throat. “Meg was _possessed_. By a _demon_. And Anna used to be an _angel_. I mean, you’ve gotta understand why that presents a lotta questions. About demons, angels… About you.”

“I think…,” Castiel began, taking a deep breath. “I think you should be happy that Sam is okay, and that I’m here with you, rather than focus on the details.”

Dean shook his head. “No. No. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, Cas. Maybe ever.”

Castiel smiled. “I feel the same way-”

“No, I’m not done.” Dean sighed, looking down and dropping his hands in his lap. “You’re the best thing in my life right now, and I feel like I hardly know you. There’s only so much you can reveal about yourself, and it’s fucking killing me, because you know _everything_ about me. So just… give me this much, Cas.”

“There wasn’t much to know about me before I met you, Dean,” Castiel said. “I hadn’t… I had been existing, but I hadn’t really been living. You taught me how to do that. You’re still teaching me, every day. Every day, I…,” Castiel sighed, dropping his head, “I become more human.” He sounded ashamed. No, worried. He was scared, and Dean didn’t know what to do with that.

“Cas…”

“If you… If you really must hear me say it, Dean, I’ll… I’ll say it.”

Dean’s heart pounded in his chest. He wanted to hear it, but suddenly he was worried. Would this be a mistake? What if Castiel’s superiors found out about this conversation? Would they kill him? _Could_ Castiel be killed?

“I’m an angel,” Castiel said, before Dean could bring himself to stop him. “I met you when you died.”

The thrill of actually _hearing_ Cas say what he was was still coursing through Dean when the second part of the angel’s statement caught up with him. His brows shot up as he asked, “What? When I _died_?!”

“In that car accident. You… I was supposed to carry your soul to heaven. But,” Cas smiled to himself, “you begged me to let you stay. Not with words, but… I could feel you pleading with me to save you. So I did.”

Dean nodded, barely managing to say, “They said it was a miracle.”

Castiel smiled. “Yes.”

“You brought me back.”

“Yes.”

Dean gulped. “And you can get in trouble for that,” he deduced. “That’s why you have to keep this a secret.”

“I’m afraid so.” Castiel bit his lip. “I shouldn’t have interacted with you after I saved you, but… I had to get to know you. Something about you… Your soul is… Dean, I had to-”

Dean couldn’t hold back any longer, and he took Castiel’s face in his hands as he pressed their lips together. “Thank you,” he murmured against the angel’s lips. “Fuck, Cas. Wow.”

Castiel smiled against Dean’s mouth, then jolted back. “Something’s wrong,” he said with a tight voice, his eyes wide.

“What?” Dean’s heart sank, because he felt it, too. He looked up at a suddenly dim, cloudy sky. “No, no, what’s going on? Why did it get darker?” When he looked back at Castiel, the angel seemed to be fading away. “Cas? No. _No_ , Cas!”

Castiel reached for Dean, his lips trembling as the scene around them darkened.

“Cas! Stay with me!” Dean was panicking, and he found it difficult to breathe when his outstretched hand passed through a transparent Castiel. “Don’t you dare leave me, Cas! _Cas_!”

The angel faded out of sight, leaving Dean alone, surrounded by darkness and the faint echoing of Castiel calling out for him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay in this chapter! I've been in the middle of moving. Settled in San Diego, now! Anyway, here goes... (prepare for pain).

Dean woke with a shout of Castiel's name, sitting up as he tried to catch his breath. "No, no, no." Shaking his head, he glanced at his clock. It was half past five in the morning.  _It was a dream_ , he thought to himself.  _A_ real _dream. A nightmare._  "It had to be…," he whispered to himself, rubbing his eyes tiredly.  _That couldn't have been real_.

The more he tried to convince himself, the more he began to doubt that he'd ever see his angel again. "No. No, no no." He stood suddenly, beginning to pace the floor of his bedroom. "Cas!" he shouted, half worried, half angry. "You'd better fucking be okay, Cas." His voice broke down into a whisper as he said, "Please, Castiel. Be okay."

As if in a cruel response, the handprint on Dean's shoulder began to burn from inside, lighting up the angry red mark in a soft glow. It was painful enough to put Dean on his knees, and he reached for the mark with his other hand. He was somewhat surprised when it wasn't hot to the touch, and tried to look at it before his eyes squeezed shut in pain. He let out a strangled cry, then gasped for air as the sharp, piercing pain increased and seemed to spread.

He was on the floor, curled into a ball, when Charlie barged into his bedroom. "Dean?!" Her worried eyes flickered down to the glowing mark on his shoulder, which Dean was uselessly gripping with his other hand as though he could tear it off. "Dean, what's going on?!"

"Cas…," Dean managed to say, his throat tight. "S-something… happened."

"What?" Charlie crouched down beside the whimpering man, placing a shaking hand on his face in effort to comfort him. "Dean, how can I help?"

"Anna," he said, turning his face away from his roommate, trying to hide his tears. "Call Anna."

Charlie gave a single, determined nod and hopped to her feet. She located Dean's phone on his bedside table and asked him if she had to be reached through Jo. When Dean nodded, she dialed the number and jumped when the man on the floor screamed. "Hello, Jo?"

A pause.

"It's Charlie, y'know, Dean's roommate. Um, something really freaky is happening to him and I think it has something to do with the handprint," the redhead explained, her voice hurried as she glanced down at her quivering friend. "He said to call you. Well, Anna. He said to call Anna."

A longer pause. Dean could vaguely hear the worried rambling of his blonde friend on the other side of the phone.

"I think he thinks she can help, somehow. I don't know. Please, can you- He's shaking on the floor, Jo, please- Okay. Okay, thanks. See you soon." When Dean cried out again, Charlie added, "Hurry!" She tossed the phone on Dean's bed and moved to his side, hushing him as calmly as she possibly could. "They're on their way, Dean. It's… It's gonna be okay."

Dean practically snorted at that. His damn arm felt like it was gonna burn off, and Cas had disappeared into darkness, and Sam had almost died, and  _demons_  existed, and Dad was dead, and Mom was dead… "You're so full of shit," he mumbled, attempting to laugh through his pain. He hissed when the wound stung him again. "B-but thanks. For, y-y'know… trying."

With a sad smile, Charlie crouched down beside Dean and pulled him into a hug, as best she could given his condition. "Hey, keep your negative opinions to yourself," she said. " _I_  think it's gonna be okay. You've made it this far."

When Dean tried to counter that argument, Charlie shushed him and suggested he try to climb into bed. Dean shook his head. "No point. 'S gonna hurt just as bad up there as it does d-down here." He sucked in a breath as the mark on his shoulder burned again. The pain seemed to be coming in bursts, lasting anywhere from a few seconds to nearly a minute, with random amounts of time in between for Dean to calm down.

Charlie offered her hand, letting Dean squeeze it whenever the suffering became too much. Her hand was nearly white by the time they heard a knock at the front door, and Dean apologized for holding on so tightly. "It's no big deal," she assured him as she stood. "I'm gonna let them in."

Dean waited, pulling himself to his feet just as the women entered his room. Jo rushed to his side, grabbing his unmarked arm as though he needed help standing, which, if he were honest with himself, Dean really was struggling to stay upright.

"Are you okay?" Jo asked.

"I'm alive," Dean said. "For now, anyway."

Anna eyed him from the doorway, stepping closer to inspect the scar. "You're not going to die," she deduced. "Not anytime soon, anyway. Not from this."

Dean frowned. "How d'you know?"

"Because you aren't the one being tortured, here," Anna said, her gaze flicking up to meet Dean's. "Not really."

Dean swallowed. "What do you mean?"

"When was the last time you spoke to Castiel?"

Grimacing, Dean shook his head. "No. No. You don't think-"

"Dean, did you talk about his being an angel?" Anna demanded, her voice firm.

Jo glanced at her girlfriend. "Wait, what?"

Anna kept her gaze fixed on Dean. "Dean, did something happen while you were dreaming last night?"

"I-I… We talked about it, and then… Then there was this darkness, and-" Dean cut himself off with a shout when the handprint sent a jolt of pain throughout his body.

All three women stepped back, eyes wide.

"Cas disappeared, Anna," the man said through gritted teeth. "He's gone. I think his superiors got to him."

Both Jo and Charlie shot Anna questioning looks. "What the hell do you know about this stuff, babe?" Jo asked, a little hesitant. "Anna?"

"I'll tell you later, Jo," the redhead replied, shaking her head. She gave Dean a concerned look as she said, "My little brother is being tortured right now."

Dean choked back a cry, the unrelenting pain tormenting him much more now that he knew where it was coming from. "He's y-your brother?" he struggled to ask.

"More in the figurative sense, but yes." The former angel sighed, tossing a silencing look to Jo as she said, "But that's not important right now. We need to figure out how to break your connection."

"B-but what about Cas?!"

The corners of Anna's mouth turned down. "We can't do anything for him here."

 _No_ , Dean panicked.  _No, no, no._ "What are they gonna do to him?"

Anna remained silent, averting her gaze to the floor.

Dean's heart sank. "No," he whispered, biting his tongue as a tear rolled down his cheek. "No, no. There has to be something we can do. He-"

"He could be spared," Anna tried to comfort him. "Maybe they're just," she grimaced, "teaching him a lesson. They did the same to me, when they caught me watching  _her_."

Dean followed Anna's gaze to a very bewildered Jo. "And then they… made you human?"

Jo squeaked, "What is going on?!"

"I'm more than a little confused," Charlie said.

"I… I'll explain myself fully later," Anna promised. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way." She turned to Dean. "They didn't make me human. They tried to get me to conform. I refused at first, but then I started to play along. When they let me go, I cut out my grace. I  _chose_  to fall. Without my grace, the angels have no authority over me. Not until I die, anyway."

"It's my fault," Dean said, mostly to himself. " _Shit_ , it's my fault. I should've left it alone. I shouldn't have-"

"Dean, this isn't your fault," Anna interrupted. "Castiel knew what he was getting into. And he made his choice. He chose you. I would have done the same thing." The former angel's eyes flickered to her girlfriend's shocked face. "I  _have_  done the same thing. For her."

"Am I the only person here who's  _not_  involved in a romance that literally came from heaven?" Charlie wondered aloud.

"Do you think they'll give him the chance to conform?" Dean asked, eyes pinned on Anna.

Anna thinned her lips. "I… I don't know." She winced when Dean let out a cry and gripped his wound. "They seem to be using more force on him than they did with me. Perhaps because of how he's been visiting you. I only ever  _watched_  Jo, I didn't… Castiel has been breaking more rules than I ever did."

 _Oh, God_ , Dean thought.  _I'm going to lose him. Just like everyone else. And it's my fault. Why did I ask him all that shit? Why couldn't I just be content with_ having _him?! Why_ \- Dean couldn't even  _think_  as the worst pain he'd ever experienced swept through his body. He screamed, stumbling to his knees and clawing at the floor. He was vaguely aware of someone's hands on his back, recognizing Jo's panicked voice to his right. His eyes were closed tightly, and he bit his lip so hard he started to taste blood. Just as he was losing consciousness, it stopped. The pain was gone, and he was left with a dull ache in his shoulder as he collapsed on the ground.

"Dean?  _Dean_!" Jo's hands moved to hold the man's face. "Dean, can you hear me?"

Dean let out a broken sob, shaking his head. It was over. Cas was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't panic.


	18. Chapter 18

It took Dean a few minutes to acknowledge the concerned women surrounding him. He didn't want to talk. He didn't even want to be awake.

"Dean?" Charlie asked, her voice gentle and uncertain as she placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

"He's gone," Dean said in a broken whisper, barely bringing himself to meet Jo's gaze.

The blonde stroked his cheek with her thumb and shook her head. "You don't know that." She looked up at her girlfriend, who was standing behind Dean with her arms crossed. "Maybe they just… stopped."

"It… It's possible that they decided to give him a chance," Anna offered, albeit unconvincingly. "Maybe he decided to obey."

The thought of Castiel being tortured into submission made Dean go numb. He began to sob at the realization that, regardless of what happened, he'd likely never see the angel again.

"Dean…"

Dean wasn't even sure which woman in the room was trying to soothe him. He had tuned out, too wrapped up in the loss of the one good thing in his life to reply to the sympathetic voices in the room.  _Of course_ , he thought.  _Of_ course _he's gone. How could you ever think that you'd be able to keep something so good? Hell, you were supposed to be dead. That's what those dicks in heaven were so upset about. That_ you _were still alive. That's why they got Cas. That's why they_ killed _him. Because of you._ "It's my fault," he choked out, tears blurring his vision as he buried his head in his hands. "It's my fault they killed him."

"Hey," Jo said, her voice firm. "Knock that shit off. This isn't your fault. Like Anna said, Castiel made his choice."

"Well, he made the wrong one," Dean said bitterly.

" _You_  are not a wrong choice, Dean Winchester." Jo softened her tone as she said, "He deemed you worth it. And you should respect his decision."

Dean stared blankly at the ground beneath him. He remained silent for a moment, then shook his head. "You should go," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He wasn't sure he was capable of speaking much louder without his voice cracking. "All of you."

"Dean, are you sure?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah." Dean let out an exasperated sigh as he moved to stand. "You've got work later, and I… I wanna be alone."

Jo gave her friend a sympathetic frown. "Dean…"

"I mean it, Jo. I just… I just wanna sleep it off." Dean's heart sank when he realized that, without Cas, his sleep would probably go back to being full of nightmares. But he decided he'd rather be screaming in a horror flick his subconscious put on for him than be tormented by consciousness for another minute. "C'mon," he said, tiredly gesturing to the door. "I appreciate you showing up and everything, but I don't really wanna be around people right now."

Letting Dean shoo her out, Jo said, "Okay, but… I'm here, if you need anything at all. Call me."

Dean nodded. He met Anna's understanding gaze, giving her a single nod as she followed her girlfriend out of his room.

"I'll just… see them out," Charlie said. She left and returned in less than a minute. Dean hadn't moved, his eyes fixed on the floor. "Dean, do you want me to stay home today? In case something… In case something else happens? I can-"

"Charlie, you're leaving in less than a week. I've gotta get used to not having you around." Dean sounded bitter, though, really, he wasn't. He was just broken.

The redhead gave her friend a sad smile. "I'm not gone yet. And I don't want to leave you alone in this apartment. Just… in case something happens. All this angel stuff is a little… I don't know, I just think we should be prepared-"

"I don't  _care_!" Dean shouted, finally looking up at his friend. His eyes burned as they filled with tears, and he continued through gritted teeth, "It doesn't matter what happens now, don't you get it? I don't fucking care. I just lost the best thing that ever happened to me. He's gone. He's dead, and it's  _my_  fault. Say what you want, but I  _know_  it's my fault. And I deserve any shit that comes my way because of it. I don't  _care-_ "

Charlie wrapped her arms around her friend, pulling him into a tight embrace. She put a hand behind his head, encouraging him to rest it on her shoulder. He did, and as soon as he did, he sucked in a breath of air, willing himself not to break into a sob. "Shhh, Dean. It's not your fault. It's not Castiel's, either. It's… the fucked up dudes running heaven. Which is existential crisis material, but…," Charlie sighed. "I don't know where I was going with that. Just know that you're not to blame for the evil shit that other people do. And… I don't wanna give you false hope, but… We don't know for sure-"

"He's gone, Charlie," Dean breathed into his soon-to-be ex-roommate's shoulder. "The light–the stuff that makes up his true form or whatever, it's gone. It was what connected me to him, and now it's gone."

"But… the handprint is still there."

"Yeah, 'cause it's a scar.  _My_  scar. His light isn't in it anymore. Because he's dead." Dean took a deep breath and pulled away from Charlie. "I need to sleep. I don't wanna be conscious for another damn minute."

Charlie thinned her lips, then nodded. "Alright. But I'm staying home today, just in case."

"Okay. Thanks. You don't have to, but… Thanks."

"Oh, I forgot… I can stay most of the day, but Dorothy's gonna be back in town tonight, and she got a hotel r-"

"Don't worry about it." Dean tossed a half-hearted smile at his friend, shaking his head. "You don't have to stay here tonight. I'll be fine."  _Physically, at least_.

Charlie nodded. "Okay." She turned toward the door, then faced Dean once more. "Hey," she said, "I love you."

Dean gave the redhead the best smile he could manage. "I know."

After Charlie left, closing the door on her way out, Dean flipped off the light and dragged his feet until he reached his bed. He collapsed on top of it with a sigh, and curled up into the fetal position.

Dean then cried himself to sleep.

It was the middle of the night when the sound of someone knocking on the front door to the apartment woke Dean up. He'd somehow slept the entire day without any disturbing dreams. But, as the knocking became increasingly desperate, Dean, disoriented from being woken so suddenly, began to wonder if he was in the middle of a nightmare.

When Dean's reasoning kicked in, he rolled out of bed, figuring that Charlie must have left her keys or something. Then again, he realized, he hadn't left his room all day, so the door wouldn't have been locked…

Dean decided to grab a knife from the kitchen on his way to the door, just in case. With all the shit that had been thrown his way in life, it wouldn't be a shock to be greeted by some possessed killer. For all he knew, there was someone else out there who had been working with Azazel, or Meg. He wouldn't even be surprised.

But surprised was  _exactly_  what Dean was when he opened the door. He dropped the knife, only vaguely registering the sound of it clattering to the floor as his eyes focused on what was in front of him.  _Who_  was in front of him. "...Cas," Dean said, his throat tight. He blinked at the mess of a man before him. The angel was barely standing, his face beaten and bloodied. His usual trenchcoat was torn, and parts of it were soaked in blood. A few deep cuts across his chest and stomach were visible through his thrashed suit.

"They said if I loved humans so much," Castiel managed to say, "I should try being one."

Without another word, Cas fell forward into Dean's arms.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: descriptions of wounds/blood mention, vomiting

Dean was quick to catch the other man, careful to hold him up by his shoulders rather than the obvious wounds on his chest. When Castiel groaned, Dean sucked in a breath of air and winced. "Christ, Cas, what did they do to you?"

The other man made a sound that was something like a whimper, and it forced Dean to get his shit together and gently pull Castiel inside.

After closing the door, he managed to guide the wounded man to the couch. He let him down easily, but jolted when Cas let out a sharp cry. "What? What's wrong?!"

"My… My back," Castiel croaked. He huffed, attempting to shift his body to a comfortable position. "It's… my wings. They're… They t-tore them from my back."

Dean blinked down at the man in the dim light. He stepped away to flip on the living room lamp, mentally preparing himself to see the torment that had been inflicted on the apparently fallen angel. "Cas," he said in a cracked voice, just above a whisper.

The cuts ran deeper than Dean had originally thought, covering Castiel's cheeks and neck, and evident under his layers of clothing. There was a dark bruise just under his right eye, causing him to squint up at the wincing mechanic.

Dean's eyes welled up with tears when he noticed that the wounded man was crying. "Cas…"

"It hurts, Dean."

"I-I know." Dean teetered in place for a moment as he tried to decide what to do. Finally, he nodded toward the kitchen cabinets. "Charlie's got a first aid kit in there somewhere," he said, "I'll, uh… I'll see what I can do." Dean touched Castiel's shoulder for a brief moment, looking him in the eye as he said, "I'm gonna take care of you, Cas. You're gonna be okay."

With that, Dean all but scrambled to the kitchen, throwing open cabinets and hunting for the kit. When he finally found it, he rushed back to Castiel's side to find the man unconscious. "Hey," Dean said, alarmed. "Hey, hey, Cas. Cas, stay with me."

After being gently shaken awake, Castiel's good eye opened.

Dean let out a deep breath. "Don't do that."

"I… I'm sorry. What did I do?"

"Nothing," Dean said, running a hand through the mess that was Castiel's hair. "You didn't do anything. I'm gonna need to get you out of these clothes, so I can take a look at the cuts. Alright?"

Castiel merely nodded, hissing when the cuts on his neck were irritated.

"Here," Dean said, grabbing the other man's trenchcoat by the lapels and slowly pushing them off Castiel's shoulders, "let me get this off of you."

Cas groaned, but complied, doing his best to maneuver out of the clothing. It took a good couple of minutes to get him down to his undershirt, and by that time, he was almost nodding off again.

"Cas," Dean said, his voice more tense than he meant it to be. "Cas, c'mon, man, don't-"

"Dean, I need rest. Please, let me," Castiel paused to yawn. "Let me sleep. I'll… I'll be fine, I think."

Dean stood still, skeptical for a moment. Then, with a deep sigh, he nodded. "Okay, fine, I'll just…" Dean trailed off as he watched the other man's eyes close, his breath steadying. Within seconds, Cas seemed to be asleep again. Dean went to the kitchen to grab some scissors, figuring that cutting the undershirt would be far easier than trying to pull it off the unconscious angel.  _Ex-angel_ , Dean reminded himself.  _Because of you_. The accusation came from somewhere inside him, and suddenly, gazing down at the battered face of the best thing that ever happened to him, Dean felt sick.

He shook his head, forcing himself out of his own mind and into the current situation. Castiel needed him. So, he knelt down in front of the couch and began cutting the blood-stained shirt from the bottom up.

The blood made the fabric resist being pulled away, and Dean hissed when Cas suddenly shifted with a whimper. He glanced up at the man, who was wincing in his sleep, and bit his lip as he continued to cut until he reached the top of the shirt. Slowly, he started to work the fabric back toward Castiel's shoulders, exposing the damage done to his chest.

Dean couldn't help but begin to sob as he surveyed the bloodied torso of the man he loved. The man who, Dean was convinced, wouldn't be in this condition if it weren't for him.

Now, Dean really  _was_  sick. He up and ran to the bathroom, making it just in time to vomit into the toilet.  _This is your fault_ , his mind tormented him.  _You're bad luck. Look at your life. Everyone around you suffers. Your mother, your father. Even your little brother almost died, when you were supposed to protect him. And now, you've gone and fallen in love. And look what's happened to this one. Castiel, an angel of God. Fallen. Nearly killed. Because of you._  Dean let out an angry cry, his knees hitting the floor as he broke down.

It took a moment for him to pull himself together. He washed his face, then rinsed his mouth out with water, and put a bit of toothpaste on his tongue to get the taste out. He gathered the will to get back to tending Castiel's wounds.

Castiel, despite his condition, looked oddly peaceful sleeping on the couch. Most of the cuts on his chest didn't go as deep as Dean had originally thought. Cas hissed through his teeth as Dean cleaned the wounds, putting bandages where they would fit. The unconscious man had two fairly deep cuts below his chest, which Dean did his best to stitch up. He'd considered trying to get Castiel into a hospital, but there would be too many secrets to keep. So, he put his somewhat impressive self-care knowledge to use.

Just as Dean was finishing up the last few stitches, Castiel tried to turn, and the temporary nurse had to hold him down gently. "Shhh, stay still, Cas," he whispered.

Castiel blinked awake, meeting Dean's soft gaze and giving him a small, content smile. "Hello, Dean."

Dean returned the smile, then thinned his lips and shook his head. "God, Cas, I… The handprint, it… It started burning. I thought…" Dean had to choke back tears. "I thought you were dead."

With a sympathetic frown, Cas shook his head. "I'm not dead."

Dean let out a light chuckle. "Yeah, I… I can see that, Cas. And I'm glad. I just…"

Castiel gave a knowing nod. "You were worried about me." A hint of a smile graced his lips.

"Yeah. I was. Cas, you're…," Dean sighed. "I need you."

"Well," Castiel said, shifting, then letting out a light groan.

"Careful."

"I'm here, now. For… Until I die. As a human."

Dean strained not to roll his eyes. Then said, "So, you're… fully human."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Cas," Dean said, averting his gaze.

Castiel squinted, cocking his head to the side. "You think this is your fault?"

"Would you be here like this if it weren't for me?"

"Maybe not." Cas thinned his lips. "But I also wouldn't have a life worth living."

"Cas-"

"Don't. Please, Dean. They gave me a choice." Castiel huffed, shaking his head. "They told me they'd stop if I promised to stay away from you. To stay in heaven. But heaven isn't enough for me anymore. So I chose this. I chose  _you_." A small tear fell from the fallen angel's left eye. "And I am  _happy_." He grunted, shifting uncomfortably. "Well, I'm in a little bit of pain. But I don't regret my choice, Dean. Please, don't… Don't be upset about this. I need… I need you to…"

Dean placed a hesitant hand on Castiel's bare shoulder as the other man began to cry.

"S-sorry, I'm not… I'm not used to, um."

"Crying," Dean offered.

"Yes. Emotion, in general. I… I felt it, as an angel, with you. But it's so much… stronger, now." Castiel took a moment to gather himself. "I need you to be happy about this. I need you to stay with me. Or, let me stay with you, I mean. I… I…"

Dean hushed Castiel, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You got me, Cas. Okay? You got me. And I'm glad. I'm glad you're here. I'm happy." He pulled back, looking at the other man's torso. "I just want you to be okay."

Castiel glanced down at himself. "You did all this while I was asleep?"

"Yeah. Didn't get to your back, though."

Castiel groaned. "I'm not particularly looking forward to that."

Dean grimaced. "I know. But we've gotta get it clean. And maybe stitch it up. Are your legs okay?"

Castiel nodded. "Just sore from walking."

"Man, I wish I knew… I… I coulda picked you up."

"There was no way you could have known-"

"I'm gonna peel this off," Dean interrupted, gripping the part of Castiel's shirt that was still clinging to his back. "Can you move a little?"

With a nod, Cas turned until his back was half facing Dean.

"This is probably gonna hurt like hell," Dean warned as he began peeling the fabric up and off, revealing the two long gashes on his back. Castiel whimpered as Dean finished removing the bloodied shirt. "Shit, Cas," Dean whispered, then immediately regretted it. He needed to keep his shit together for Cas's sake.

"Is it very bad?"

Dean winced. The wounds started at his shoulder blades, reaching down to the middle of his back. They'd definitely need stitches, and Dean was pretty sure they'd leave scars. "It's… I'm gonna clean 'em up, alright? It's gonna hurt-"

"Like hell," Castiel groaned. "I know." He blew out a breath, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm ready."

"Okay." Dean prepared a cloth with hydrogen peroxide, hoping it'd be good enough for the wounds he was faced with. Almost as soon as the cloth touched Castiel's skin, the fallen angel let out a sharp cry, and Dean jerked his hand back. "Sorry."

Cas whimpered before shaking his head. "D-don't worry about my reaction, just clean it."

Dean nodded, and resumed his task. "So," he said, determined to distract Cas from the pain, "how, uh, how long did it take you to walk here? Where were you?"

"They left me at the location of your accident. Where we first met." Castiel sighed. "They were going to keep me in heaven as a human. Or kill me, to make an example. But, at some point, they decided it'd be better to cast me out of heaven."

"Of course they did," Dean said, shaking his head. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here. But damn it, that accident was, like, eight miles away."

"It took me over three hours…"

"Wait, how did you know where to find me?" Dean asked with a frown. "And, I mean, it had to be pretty dark."

Castiel looked somewhat offended. "I've been watching over you for months, Dean. I probably know the area better than  _you_  do."

Dean chuckled. "Guess you would." He winced when Castiel sucked in a breath. "Sorry. Almost done with the cleaning, Cas. But I'm gonna need to stitch it up after this."

"Will that hurt, too?"

"Yeah. But, not as much as it probably hurt to get them."

Castiel recoiled, his face grim. "It… I've never felt pain like that, Dean. In fact, I didn't experience much pain at all until then."

Thinning his lips, Dean tossed the cloth aside. "Let's not think about it, okay?" He paused, then added, "Unless you want to."

"Not particularly."

"Okay, then." Dean sighed, feeling about ready to collapse even though he'd slept most of the day. "I'm gonna start stitching these up, so just… I dunno, don't move, okay?"

Castiel nodded. As Dean gathered the supplies, the fallen angel asked, "How will I sleep like this?"

"I don't know. I'll give you some painkillers before we go to bed. That should help." After a moment, looking at Castiel's confused frown, Dean added, "Medicine. Pills."

"Alright."

With a deep breath, Dean said, "Okay, here we go. Ready?"

Cas gave a single nod, then squeezed his eyes shut. Dean would have found it adorable, if it weren't for the immense pain the man was in. Castiel hissed, letting his right eye open a little. The bruise made it difficult to squint too much.

"Ah, maybe you should put some ice on that."

"Why?"

"It'll help the swelling go down. Or something. I dunno." Dean made a move to stand, but Castiel grabbed his arm.

"It's not that bad, Dean. Please, stay here."

Dean frowned and ran a hand through Castiel's hair. "I'm not going anywhere." He got back down next to the other man, and began stitching up the first gash. "Talk to me, Cas."

"Why?" Castiel struggled to ask.

"Because it'll help get your mind off the pain." Dean went silent for a moment, focusing on his work. Then, "Once you're well enough, I'm gonna have to take you to meet Sammy."

Castiel smiled. "I'd like that."

"Yeah, he probably would, too." Dean chuckled. "Last time I saw him, I told him I had a boyfriend."

"That's me, right?"

Dean tossed a "no shit" eyeroll at Castiel. "Obviously. Sam's in the hospital right now. Which is where you  _should_ be, too, but… they'd ask too many questions."

"You seem to be perfectly capable of caring for me," Cas pointed out, glancing at the first aid kit on the coffee table.

"My dad was, uh. He wanted us to be able to take care of ourselves, even though we could get to a hospital if we needed to. I learned how to do this after I fell off my bike when I was 12. Dad called it a 'learning opportunity'. Made me stitch up my own knee." Dean shook his head.

"Well, I'm glad you at least know what you're doing."

Dean smiled, about halfway through stitching the wound on the left side of Cas's back. "Yeah, lucky you."

Castiel let out a light laugh.

"Jesus, that's amazing," Dean mused aloud.

"What is?"

"You. Your damn laugh. You being here."

Castiel smiled, then yawned. He groaned, wincing when stretching his face led to more pain. "I feel… tired," he mumbled.

"You can try to sleep for a bit," Dean said. "I'll wake you up when it's time to move to the bedroom."

With another pained yawn, Castiel gave a light nod and closed his eyes. He was unconscious within minutes, forcing Dean to hold him upright with one hand as he thought of how to move him. After a moment, he had Castiel leaning his right side against the couch, and Dean climbed onto the couch to sit right behind him.

It took a good half hour or so before Dean was done with the stitches. He woke Castiel by whispering his name against his ear, then pressing a light kiss to the back of his neck.

Cas groaned. He shifted, trying to face Dean. "Is it done?"

"Almost," Dean said. He got up from the couch once he was certain that Castiel could keep himself sitting up. "I'm just gonna get you some painkillers, so they'll kick in before we go back to sleep. Then I need to wrap you up with some bandages, and you'll be all set."

"Thank you, Dean."

Dean felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He didn't deserve to be thanked. Cas could tell him how happy he was to be there all he wanted, but Dean knew that this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't pressed for answers. "Yeah," he muttered as he made his way to the kitchen, "no problem."

"Dean, I would have fallen, whether or not you asked me about my being an angel."

Dean nearly dropped the glass of water he'd poured for the other man. "How in the hell did you-"

"I may not be able to read your mind anymore, but you still think loud enough that I can see it on your face." Castiel was looking directly at Dean, having turned to face the kitchen. "I know you still blame yourself. Perhaps I can't talk you out of it. But, damn it, Dean, I was gone from the moment I held your soul. I knew something had changed. This was  _inevitable_."

"I just," Dean said, glancing at the floor. "I can't stand the thought of what could have happened."

"But it  _didn't_  happen."

Dean looked back up at the wounded man. "Well, seeing you in pain-"

" _Temporary_  pain, Dean." Castiel's voice softened. "As far as I'm aware, wounds like mine will heal eventually. I am in pain, but I'm with you. And that makes it-"

"Don't you dare say 'worth it'-"

"Bearable. It makes it bearable. And the pain  _is_  worth it. You're  _worth_  being with, Dean. Do you really not believe that?"

Castiel looked up at Dean with genuine concern, and Dean had to look away. "I… I don't know."

"Dean…"

"Just, take these," Dean said, walking over to Castiel and handing him a couple of pills and the glass of water, "and chase 'em with the water. They'll make you feel better soon enough."

"Dean-"

"I don't wanna talk about this right now, okay? This isn't about me. This is about you getting better. We can deal with my emotional shit… I dunno, later. I'll feel better when you feel better."

Castiel watched Dean with knowing eyes, then took the medicine and followed it with water.

"Okay," Dean sighed. He sat down beside the other man, and reached for one of the bandages on the table. "Now I need you to lift your arms a bit, so I can wrap this around you."

"Alright," Castiel said, setting the glass down and then raising his arms as high as he could before his skin started to stretch too much. He couldn't get them past a few inches away. "Is this good enough?"

"Does it hurt to go any more?" When Cas nodded, Dean did the same. "Yeah, you're good. I can work with this." Without another word, he began wrapping the bandage around Castiel's torso. Once he got it all settled, he put a gentle hand on Cas's shoulder and said, "You can let your arms rest, now." He let out a deep breath as he stood. "Ready for bed?"

Castiel glanced down at his pants. They were in far better condition than his other layers, but were dirty enough to earn a grimace from the fallen angel. "Do I have to sleep in these?"

Dean chuckled. "You can borrow a pair of my boxers, if you want." He put his hand out for Castiel to take. "C'mon, let's get to my room." A few seconds passed before he said, " _Our_  room."

"Our room," Cas echoed with a smile, letting Dean help him to his feet. "I like that."

"Me, too."

Dean let Castiel lean on him as they made their way down the hall and into  _their_  room. He helped him change into his boxers, then he turned off the light before they settled into the bed, facing one another. Dean suggested that Cas sleep on his side, if he could. "G'night, Cas."

Castiel tipped his head up just enough to press his dry, bruised lips to Dean's, as lightly as he could. As he pulled away, he breathed, "Goodnight, Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I'll be busy participating in NaNoWriMo, I don't know if I'll be updating next month. We're nearing the end of the story, but there's still at least another chapter to come. Hopefully it'll be up November 30th, but if not, you should be able to read it before the new year!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this story has been delayed for so long! I was trying to wrap it all up in one chapter to end it on a nice even 20, but, that's just not happening. So, for now, here's this. Hopefully I'll stick to the schedule from here on out. :P

It was almost noon by the time Castiel woke up. Dean didn’t mean to wake him, but he’d been running his hand through the fallen angel’s hair when Cas had slowly blinked his eyes open with a yawn.

“Hey,” Dean said, his voice soft. He carded his fingers through the other man’s tousled hair one last time before bringing his hand back to his chest.

“Hey.” Castiel smiled at the man across from him, then winced. Dean assumed it was from the cuts and bruises on his face, and couldn’t hold back a sympathetic grimace. “I’m… I’m okay, Dean,” Cas said quietly. “Really.”

With a sigh, Dean turned over and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. He stood with a yawn, and shook his head. “You need more meds. And breakfast,” he said. He threw on his robe and was about to leave the room when a soft, near-whispered, “Dean,” reached his ears. He turned to face Castiel once again, and gave him a half-smile. “What is it, Cas?” he asked gently.

“You’re avoiding me,” Castiel stated, lying on his side and looking at Dean with a frown. “Why?”

Dean closed his eyes for a moment, then shook his head and looked back at the other man. “I’m not avoiding you.”

“You wasted no time in getting out of bed,” Castiel pointed out, “where usually… in the dreams… you seemed to want to stay longer.”

“You were never  _ injured _ in the dreams, Cas.” Dean let out a deep breath, and dragged a hand down his face. “Believe me, babe, I want nothing more than to spend the rest of the day in this bed with you. But I… I’ve gotta take care of you. You need food, painkillers, we probably should change your bandages in a few hours… You could use a shower, too. Or at least a sponge bath.”

Castiel nodded to himself, lowering his gaze and letting out a deep breath through his nostrils. “I just wanted you to kiss me again.”

Dean let a small smile cross his face. “That, I can do. But lightly, because your lip is still pretty fucked up.” He moved toward the bed and leaned over to press a feather-light kiss to the unbruised corner of Castiel’s mouth. He pulled away just enough to look the man in the eye, and gave him a warm smile. “Okay,” he said, on his feet again, “let’s get you some breakfast. I’m thinking pancakes.”

Castiel tilted his head, a soft smile still gracing his bruised lips. “Pancakes?”

“Yeah, Cas, it’s like… flour, and sugar, and stuff… and you put it in a pan, and- I’ve never had to explain pancakes to anyone, but trust me, they’re awesome.”

“I know what they are, Dean.”

“Oh.”

“I just thought that, if the goal is to help me heal, I should eat something healthier.”

Dean quirked a brow. “Such as?”

Castiel shook his head, glancing down at his hands before looking back up at the other man. “Fruit?”

“Fruit.” Dean let his arms fall to his sides. “Okay, well. Later. Pancakes are happening now. You’ll be fine. Besides, your first breakfast should be a good one.” He turned toward the bedroom door, but paused when he heard the ruffling of sheets behind him. “No,” he said, facing Castiel once again. He pointed a finger at the man, who frowned at him. “Stay.”

“Dean, I-”

“You wouldn’t be comfortable at the table, believe me. Just… chill out here for a bit. Take it easy. I’ll bring you breakfast in bed, alright?”

Castiel squinted, as though skeptical, then sighed and gave a small nod. “Alright.”

 

“I’m going to have to get a job,” Castiel said, his brows drawn as Dean re-entered the room with a plate about ten minutes later. “I’ll have to provide for myself,” he continued after Dean set the plate beside him on the bed, “and… there’s the issue of getting the proper government papers, and-”

“Cas. You’re okay, man. Don’t worry about any of that right now. You’re healing. You  _ just _ became human. Give yourself time to adjust.”

Castiel looked down when Dean took a seat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

“Are you serious? Cas, babe, you are  _ never _ going to be a burden to me. The burden was not having you around, and wondering if I was ever going to see you again. You’re here, now, and you’re staying here, and we’ll take each day as it comes.” Dean reached out and ran a hand through the other man’s hair, offering him a small smile. “Don’t jump too far ahead, here.”

“But I  _ will _ need to get a job, eventually. You can’t support the both of us by yourself.” Castiel shook his head as he continued, “I have no professional skills. I don’t know the first thing about building a career as a human.”

“You’ll develop them. And, dude, you have skills. You just aren’t thinking about them right now. Everyone’s got something. You’ll figure it out. I’ll help you. Shit, you might even be able to get a job at Bobby’s for a little while. I can teach you how to work with cars. Or Ellen’s, but I don’t know that you’d enjoy working at a bar.”

Castiel sighed. “I don’t know  _ what _ I’d enjoy.”

“That’s part of the fun, isn’t it?” Dean smiled. “You get to find out. You’ll try different things until you find a good fit.” Shaking his head, he added, “But don’t worry about any of that right now. Step number one is making sure you heal up. We’ll deal with the job thing  _ together _ when it’s the right time.”

“When?”

“Cas,” Dean groaned, tossing his head back.

“How long do I have?”

“Christ, Cas, it’s not a diagnosis! I’m not putting a time limit on you, babe. Just… when you’re ready. We’ll figure it out. Can we  _ please _ let this go? It’s so out in the future-”

“How far in the future?” Before Dean could speak, Castiel added, “I just want to know how long I have to prepare for the working world.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,  _ however long it takes us to get to it _ . Okay? Now, eat your pancakes before they get cold.”

“Okay,” Castiel sighed.

There was a pause, then Dean said, “I’ve gotta call Jo. I promised I’d tell her if I ever met you in real life.”

Castiel nodded. “I’d like to meet her.”

Dean tensed, clenching his jaw, his fists at his sides. “I wasn’t gonna invite her over just yet. I mean, you’ve still gotta get cleaned up. I need to change those bandages. I mean, it hasn’t been that long, but,” he stood up and winced at the messed up bandages, “they’re looking pretty bad.”

“Anna,” Castiel said, glancing down as he grabbed the fork from the plate and cut himself a bite. “I want to at least see Anna.”

Dean got a funny look on his face. “Is she really like a sister to you?”

“Not technically. But, we have similar experiences. And, we interacted fairly often in our heavenly duties. She was my superior, in a way. But not as high ranking as the angels that did this to me.”

“A-ha.” Dean sighed, sitting up straight. “Okay, I, uh…,” he stood, dragging his hand down his face, “I guess I’ll say they can come visit.” He was on his way out of the room when he heard his name. He turned. “What?”

“Thank you,” Castiel said through a mouthful of pancake. He smiled once he’d swallowed. “For taking care of me, I mean.”

Dean smiled. “No problem, Cas. Really. How’re the pancakes?”

“They’re amazing,” Castiel said, “thank you.”

“Awesome. I’m gonna go call Jo, and then I’ll come back and help get you cleaned up and ready for when they show up.”

“Alright.”

Dean grabbed his phone and stepped into the hall, making his way into the kitchen as he dialed Jo. She answered within seconds, an urgent concern in her voice.

_ “Dean? Are you okay?” _

“I’m fine, Jo, it’s… It’s Castiel,” Dean said, swallowing thickly. “He’s here. He’s actually, really, real-life here.”

A pause.  _ “Are you serious?!” _

Dean rolled his eyes. “Why would I kid about that?”

_ “Holy shit!” _ There was a muffled shouting on the other side, which Dean presumed to be Jo getting Anna up to date.  _ “Can we come over? Is he okay?” _

“I’ve gotta help him get dressed and stuff,” Dean said. “He showed up in pretty bad shape. But he said he wants to meet you, and he wants to see Anna.”

_ “Okay, when should we head over there?” _

Dean brought his phone down and checked it for the time. “I dunno, about an hour? Maybe two.”

_ “Alright, we’ll be there around two thirty,”  _ Jo said.  _ “I can’t believe this!” _

Dean chuckled lightly. “Yeah, I can hardly believe it myself.”

_ “See you in a couple hours,” _ Jo said.  _ “The  _ two _ of you!” _

“See you,” Dean said, then hung up. He exhaled deeply, not sure he was ready for visitors so soon after Cas’s arrival. But, it’s what Cas seemed to want, so that’s what was gonna happen.

 

Once Dean had taken Cas’s plate to the sink (and scarfed down the pancakes he’d set aside for himself), he grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom and wetted it with warm water.

“Okay,” he said, returning to his room, “up and at ‘em.”

Castiel shifted where he lay, blinking up at Dean as though he’d nearly fallen asleep again. “What?”

“We’ve gotta change your bandages, and clean you up.” Dean put his knees on the edge of the bed, reaching for Cas’s arm with his free hand. “C’mon, sit up a little.”

The fallen angel was quick to do as he was told, but hissed in pain, bringing a hand down to his bandaged side with a grimace.

“Whoa, whoa,” Dean said, softening his voice, “slow it down. ‘S no hurry.”

“When-,” Cas sucked in a breath, “when will Anna and Jo be here?”

“In a couple hours. We’ve got time. Take it easy, man.”

The fallen angel nodded, remaining still as Dean began to slowly unwrap his bandages. Once the bandages were off, Castiel said softly, “I hope you know how much I appreciate this.”

Dean tossed the bandages in the trash by his bedside table and cocked a brow. “Appreciate what?” He picked up the warm, damp cloth and began to gently wipe Castiel’s skin, carefully avoiding the wounds. “Taking care of you? Not leaving you to die?” He shook his head, wishing the fallen angel would get it through his head that he  _ wanted _ to be responsible for him.

“You could have.”

“Why the hell  _ would _ I?!”

“Dean, I’m not an angel anymore. I can’t provide you with an escape, or, or healing… I can’t help you rest, I-”

“Cas, I don’t need you to  _ do _ anything for me. I just need  _ you _ .” Dean set the washcloth down and gave Castiel’s eyes his full attention. “Do you really think I’d only care about you if you could work magic? Jesus, Cas, you’re worth a whole lot more than the power you had. And not just to me. Anna was seriously worried about you last night. You’re not heaven’s soldier anymore, Cas, you’re family. People want you here.  _ I _ want you here.”

Castiel’s watery eyes glimmered back at Dean’s before he looked away. “Thank you, Dean,” he said, his voice nearly a whisper. “I think I needed to hear that.”

“Then I’ll say it whenever you need it. ‘Cause it’s true.” With that, Dean resumed his work, pausing only to press a gentle kiss to Castiel’s shoulder.

When he was finished, he took the washcloth to the bathroom sink to rinse it out, and returned with fresh bandages.

Getting new bandages on was almost more difficult than removing them, as the clean yet stiff fabric agitated Castiel’s wounds, but Dean had the man wrapped up in under a minute.

“Alright, time to get you dressed,” Dean said as he stood and walked to his dresser. He pulled out an old black t-shirt and tossed it on the bed, along with a pair of worn blue jeans and some boxers. He frowned at Castiel, who remained sitting on the bed as he pulled the clothes onto his lap. “You gonna need help getting in those?”

Not taking his eyes off the apparel, Castiel said, “I think I can manage.” He smoothed his fingers over the soft cotton shirt, then lifted it up and attempted to get it over his head. A small wince from the fallen angel was all it took for Dean to rush to his side and take over. “I guess I was wrong,” Castiel huffed, sounding more frustrated than sad.

“You’re gonna have to take it easy for a while, man,” Dean said as he slipped the shirt on over Castiel’s head and pulled it down. “Give yourself time to heal, and all that. I’ll just have to dress you in the meantime.” He winked at the other man when he pulled back.

Castiel gave something like an eyeroll, and began removing his boxers by himself, quickly replacing them with the new ones. When Dean quirked a brow and nodded toward the jeans, Castiel shook his head. “I can do this. You’re enjoying this a little too much,” he noted.

Dean dropped his grin. “I’m not enjoying you being injured, Cas.”

“I know,” Castiel gave a small but appreciative smile, “I didn’t mean that.”

“Then what did you mean?” Dean asked, turning back to his dresser and opening another drawer.

“I meant that, in this moment, specifically, you seem to be over-enjoying getting me dressed. Which is contrary to what I would have thought, given that you tend to enjoy what happens when we’re  _ un _ dressed quite a bit.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah, okay. Last thing on my mind, Cas. You’re in too much pain to have that kind of fun.” He turned to the other man with a smirk. “Maybe you’re seeing what you wanna see, hm?”

“Do you think it will be different?”

“What, sex?”

Castiel nodded. “Outside of a dream, I mean.”

“I thought you said the whole dream thing was, like, real? That we felt everything the same way we’d feel it in real life?” Dean indicated the handprint on his shoulder. “I mean, that’s how I got this, right?”

“I suppose so.” Castiel resumed dressing himself, standing as he pulled the jeans on. “Perhaps I’m just eager to try it again.”

Dean chuckled, turning back to the open dresser drawer. “Hey, you’re not the only one. Just gotta give it some time.” He pulled out a pair of socks and faced Castiel once again, looking him up and down. The fallen angel’s messy hair combined with the black shirt had Dean wishing that time would move a little faster.

“I know. I just… I want to do it again,” Cas sighed, earning a chuckle from Dean.

Castiel seemed to be struggling with the zipper on his pants, so Dean took it upon himself to help him out. “We’ve gotta get you some clothes of your own,” he said, fastening the button before reaching around to give Cas’s ass a light smack. Dean smirked. “Not that I mind seeing you in mine.” He tossed the socks onto the bed, shaking the smile from his face. “Shit, I’ve gotta make a list. You’re gonna need your own toothbrush, and all that crap. I should probably go out later tonight. We’re running out of bandages.”

Castiel frowned. “Am I not invited?”

“In your condition? No.” At the sight of Castiel’s downcast face, Dean sighed. “Cas, you can barely walk without wincing. I know there’s a lot of stuff you wanna see, and experiences or whatever, but, seriously. How many times do I gotta say this? You’ve gotta take some time to just… chill.”

With a sigh, Castiel sat on the edge of the bed. “Very well.”

Dean thinned his lips, then gave the other man a light pat on the shoulder and grinned. “Hey, don’t worry, man. We’ll find something soft and slow to do to pass the time, until you heal.”

“Are you implying something like sex.”

“Something like that, yeah,” Dean snorted. “But not too much. And not right now.”

Castiel nodded. “I understand.”

“Good.” Dean glanced at the clock. “We’ve still got an hour and a half ‘til Jo and Anna show up.” He thought for a moment, then said, “We could watch TV or something, on the couch. That way you’ll already be in the living room when they get here.”

Already moving to stand, Castiel nodded. “Alright.” He let Dean take his arm and lead him into the living room.

Dean helped Castiel down onto the couch, and walked into the kitchen after making sure the wounded man was seated comfortably.

“What are you doing?”

“Makin’ us some sorta lunch,” Dean said, opening the fridge. “How do you feel about PB&J?”

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never eaten it.”

“Right,” Dean said, blowing a puff of air out of his mouth and letting his head drop. Then, he turned to face Castiel, who had shifted his body so that he could look back toward the kitchen. “It’s peanut butter and jelly between two slices of bread. Sound good?”

“Not particularly, but I’m curious to try it.”

Dean prepared the sandwiches in silence as Castiel went on to describe how angels can’t really taste food, because their senses were so sharp they’d be too aware of all the components of the meal and it’d just taste like molecules. Castiel didn’t seem too upset about losing these heightened senses.

“I’ve felt, seen, heard, smelled, and tasted more in the past few hours than I ever have in my existence,” the fallen angel said as Dean brought two plates to the coffee table. “I’m not sure I agree with the common belief amongst angels that we–um,  _ they _ –have ‘superior’ senses.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t put much faith in anything those winged asshats have said,” Dean said, kicking back on the couch. “Wanna see what’s on TV?” He grabbed the remote from the table and dangled it pointedly.

“I suppose.” Castiel picked up his sandwich and brought it to his lips, taking a small, hesitant bite. His mouth spread into a contented smile as he swallowed. “This is very good, Dean. Much better than I thought it would be.”

Dean chuckled. “It’s just a basic sandwich, Cas.”

“Well,” Castiel said through another bite, “I’ve only ever really eaten beginning today. So, I’d imagine that everything would amaze me.”

“Doubt you’d feel that way if I shoved spinach in your face,” Dean teased.

Castiel gave Dean a pointed look. “Spinach is a healthy food item, Dean. I’d be happy to get it into my system. In fact, I would probably benefit from it.”

Dean gave the back of Castiel’s head a light pat. “I’m sure you would, Cas.”

“Don’t condescend me, Dean. I probably know more about health than you do.”

Dean raised his hands in defense. “Hey, I’m not claiming otherwise. I was just teasin’ you.”

“Is that something you intend to do often?”

“Not if you really don’t like it.”

Castiel cocked his head slightly, squinting. “I’m not sure how I feel about it. It’s a sign of affection, yes?”

“Can be. Depends on how it’s done.”

“How are you doing it?”

Dean smirked. “How do you  _ think _ I’m doing it?”

Castiel leaned slightly into Dean’s side. “I think you’re doing it playfully.”

“Good. ‘S what I was going for.” Dean turned on the TV, immediately flipping from channel to channel, looking for something worth showing Castiel.

“Please, don’t make me watch that doctor show.”

Dean frowned at Castiel, who was eyeing the remote warily. “Doctor Sexy? How do you even-”

“I’ve watched you go about your day, Dean.” Castiel shook his head, taking another bite of his sandwich. “You have a strange preoccupation with that man.”

“Jealous?” Dean asked with a grin.

Castiel gave Dean a pointed look. “No. He’s fictional, I’m sure you know that.”

Dean settled on an episode of Game of Thrones, which turned out to be a bad decision as it was nearly half over already, and Cas kept asking questions about the plot of the show. The fallen angel was in the middle of questioning why they made movies and shows out of stories that already existed as books when there was a rapid knock at the front door.

“Well,” Dean said, shutting off the TV and tossing the remote as he stood, “here we go.” He smiled at Castiel as he helped him up and walked to the door. “Ready?”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I’m eager to see my sister, Dean. And to finally meet Jo. I thought we’d established that. Are  _ you _ ready?”

Dean clenched his jaw, but maintained his smile. “Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean is lying btw.


	21. Chapter 21

Jo beamed at Castiel the moment Dean opened the door. “You’re real!”

Castiel smiled, glancing down awkwardly.

“I mean, I believed you were, but…” the blonde shook her head, looking the man up and down. “Wow!” She frowned, then. “You look like you took some serious hits to the face. You feeling okay?”

Dean caught her gaze and shook his head, silently begging her to drop it. He gave a quick sigh of relief when she nodded and immediately changed the subject.

“Y’know, my mom’s got a great healing drink recipe for this kinda thing. Instant painkiller.”

“We’re not gettin’ Cas smashed on his first day,” Dean chuckled, putting his arm over Jo’s shoulder in a jokingly condescending manner before she playfully shoved him aside.

“Hello, Castiel.” Anna stepped closer to her brother. Or, whatever. Dean still didn’t get that whole deal.

Castiel smiled at the other fallen angel. “Anna. I’m glad to see you’re doing well.”

“I thought we’d lost you,” Anna said.

Castiel visibly tensed. “Raphael…,” he trailed off, lowering his head.

Anna gave a deep nod. “He needs to be stopped.”

Dean frowned, looking between the two of them. “Yeah, well,” he said, taking his arm off of Jo and laying it lightly across Castiel’s shoulders, “one thing at a time, right?” He didn’t know who this Raphael douchebag was, but he sure as hell wasn’t letting Cas go after him for a good long while. Or ever.

“So, have you had your first meal, yet?” Jo asked, moving to sit on the back of the living room couch.

Castiel smiled and nodded. “Dean made us pancakes for breakfast,” he said. “We just finished peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch.”

“The ability to appreciate food is one of the best things about being human,” Anna said. “Jo made me french toast last week. It was great.”

“Damn right it was,” Jo said, motioning for her girlfriend to sit next to her. When Anna joined her side, she said, “What other human experiences have you had so far?”

Cas glanced upward, as though trying to recall the events of the past few hours.

“He slept for the first time,” Dean supplied after a moment. “And watched TV.”

“I had trouble sleeping the first week after I fell,” Anna said. “I’m glad you were able to get some rest.”

Castiel nodded, giving a wistful half-smile. “The damage that had been done to my body exhausted me. I don’t think I could have stayed awake if I’d wanted to.” Dean clenched his jaw as Cas continued, “I walked here from the site of Dean’s accident.”

“What, the car wreck?” Jo asked with a frown. “The angels left you where Dean almost died?”

“Yes.” Castiel explained, “Dean actually  _ did _ die there. That’s how I first met him.” His gaze shifted to the man in question. “Not that he remembers.”

Dean awkwardly met Jo’s stunned stare. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so shy about the fact that he’d died, but it felt like someone had just pantsed him in public. “Surprised me, too,” he mumbled.

“Jesus Christ, Dean,” Jo blurted out, eyes watering, “you  _ died _ ?! You could’ve been gone forever. Shit, Castiel. When you heal up, I think I’m gonna hug you.”

Castiel tilted his head. “Why?”

“You brought him back, didn’t you?” Jo asked.

“Oh,” Cas said. “Yes. I did. That’s why I was forced out of heaven.”

Dean tried  _ very hard _ not to read that one the wrong way, but all he heard was, “If I hadn’t saved him, I’d still be in heaven.” Still, Castiel had smiled softly as he said it.  _ This is what he wanted _ , Dean tried to convince himself.  _ Hell, he looks  _ proud _ of it. _

Jo shook her head. “Wait, wait, wait. Why in the hell would they drop you there? Why not leave you with Dean in the first place?”

“Angels are very into symbolism,” Anna said. “They thought they were making some sort of point about what he was giving up his grace for.”

“I suspect that they also knew I’d have to walk to find shelter,” Cas added, “and they wanted me to suffer further.”

Dean thought his teeth would crack from the tension in his jaw. “Alright, enough about those sick fucks.”

“Agreed,” Jo said, eyes wide. “They’re startin’ to stress me out.” She turned to Castiel, then, with a bright smile. “So, are you excited to get out and see the world?”

“Yes,” Castiel said, a soft smile crossing his lips, “but Dean says I am to stay here until I heal.”

Jo rolled her eyes at Dean. “Oh, come on, we can at least take him on a drive around town.”

“He’s in too much pain for that,” Dean said, shaking his head. “The vibration from the roads alone would probably agitate his wounds.” He shrugged at Cas. “I’m sorry, man, but I don’t want to see you in pain.”

“I don’t particularly want to  _ be _ in pain,” Castiel said, “so I suppose I understand that.”

“Well what’re we gonna do, here, then?” Jo sighed. “Watch a movie?”

Dean frowned at the sudden buzzing in his back pocket. He held a finger up to Jo, then backed out of the room as he pulled his phone out. “Hello?” He made his way into his bedroom, leaving the door cracked as he leaned against the wall beside it.

_ “It’s me,” _ Charlie said, in an almost apologetic tone.  _ “I just… I wanted to make sure you were okay.” _

“I’m fine. I’m- Cas. Cas is here.” Dean bit his lip. “Like, actually here.”

_ “Oh my God, are you serious?!” _

Dean threw his head back, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Why is this so unbelievable to you guys? You saw the friggin’ handprint.”

_ “Wait, does Jo know?” _

“Yeah, she’s, uh, she’s actually here right now. With Anna.” Dean swallowed, feeling somewhat guilty for waiting so long to fill Charlie in. Then again, he hadn’t even told his own brother anything beyond that he had a boyfriend.  _ Shit _ , he needed to take care of that. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier, I just… I don’t want to overwhelm him on his first day here. His first day… human.”

_ “Oh my God,” _ Charlie gasped.  _ “Really? Wow! Okay, no, I get it, it’s okay. I’ll swing by when he’s ready. And when  _ you’re _ ready. You’ve probably got enough going through your head without having to worry about entertaining guests.” _

Dean smiled. God, he loved Charlie. “Yeah, thanks for that. I’m okay though, really. I mean, my freakin’ angel boyfriend is actually  _ here _ . I’m great, seriously.”

Charlie rolled her eyes. Somehow Dean  _ knew _ this was the case. Hell, he was rolling his eyes at  _ himself _ .  _ “Right. Not overwhelming at all,” _ Charlie teased.  _ “Well, I can’t wait to meet him! I mean, I  _ can _. I can wait.” _

“I’ll, uh, I’ll let you know when he’s ready for more visitors,” Dean said. He felt a hand on his back, and turned his head to come face to face with a very curious Castiel.

“Is that your brother?” he asked.

As Dean told Castiel who he was talking to, Charlie excitedly asked,  _ “Is that him?!” _

“Hello, Charlie,” Castiel said, in a formal, almost flat, but still warm voice.

Dean pulled the phone away from his ear when Charlie screamed,  _ “Oh my God!” _

“Is she going to come over, too?” Castiel asked. Dean tried to read him for signs of exhaustion, but he couldn’t really tell behind the cuts and bruises.

“Not today,” Dean replied. “She’ll visit later, once things calm down around here.”

Cas tilted his head. “‘Calm down’?”

“One thing at a time,” Dean said, a little more forceful than he intended.

Castiel’s eyes widened slightly, as though he had an “a-ha” moment. “You need rest,” he concluded.

“No,  _ you _ need rest.”

“Dean.”

“Dude, I’m fine. I’m not the one who got all fucked up over a loser like me. I’m good.”

Both Castiel and Charlie replied in unison, “Dean!”

Dean sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look, I’m… Okay. Fine, you’re right. You’re both right, you freakin’ happy? I’m not fine.”

Castiel’s expression softened, and he reached up to take the phone from Dean’s hand. “Dean will call you back, Charlie,” he said into the device. “I look forward to meeting you someday.”

Dean heard Charlie say, “Take care of yourselves,” before Castiel nodded and set the phone down on the dresser. He avoided the fallen angel’s gaze and mumbled, “I don’t need you taking care of me, man, you’re… you’re the one who’s hurt.”

“Dean, my pain is physical. It will heal on its own. You… I want to help you.”

After swallowing thickly, Dean gave a short nod. “Fine, we’ll help each other, okay? Let’s, uh, let’s get back to our guests.”

Castiel followed Dean out of his –  _ their _ – room, and back into the living room.

“Everything okay?” Jo asked.

“‘S fine,” Dean said, plopping down on the couch with a sigh. “It was just Charlie.”

“She’ll be visiting at another time,” Castiel said.

Jo took a seat on the back of the couch once again, turning so she could look at Dean. “What about Sam?”

Dean groaned. “I know.”

“Does he even know Castiel exists?” the blonde asked.

Castiel nodded as he carefully took a seat next to Dean. He tried to lean back against the couch, but sucked in a breath and ended up leaning forward.

“He knows I have a boyfriend,” Dean said, gently pulling Castiel to lean against his side, “but that’s it.”

“How’s he recovering?” Anna asked. “Does he suspect anything?”

“You mean does he think you saved him from a demon?” Dean shook his head. “I don’t think so. And he’s recovering just fine. Good to go home in a couple days, I think.”

Jo blew a puff of air from her mouth. “This angel/demon shit is mind-blowing.”

“Tell me about it,” Dean said.

 

The four of them talked for a couple hours, mostly about all the fun places and things Jo wanted to introduce to Castiel. By the time the sun went down, Dean was eager to usher the guests out so he could breathe. It wasn’t that he didn’t normally love being around Jo–or Anna, for that matter; he was just incredibly tired, and wanted to keep Cas to himself for a while. So, as the women left the apartment, Dean asked Castiel what he wanted for dinner.

“I mean, until I go shopping, your options are kinda limited,” Dean said. “I can make some cheap burgers, or we’ve got leftover spaghetti in the fridge.” At the thought of what had to be nearly week-old noodles, Dean made a disgusted face and shook his head. “You know what, nevermind. Burgers it is.”

“Alright,” Castiel said contentedly. He took a seat at the table, then looked up to Dean, who was getting the patties out of the freezer. “Is there anything I can help with?”

Dean just gave Cas a pointed look, setting the food on the counter with a smack.

“Right,” Castiel said, lowering his gaze to the tabletop. “I’m sorry I asked.”

“Nothin’ to be sorry about, Cas,” Dean sighed.

There was silence for a few minutes as Dean prepared the food, until he couldn’t take it anymore. “So,” he said, “what’d you think of Jo?”

“She was very welcoming,” Castiel said, perking up in his seat at the sudden conversation. “I’m looking forward to having her show me around. She seemed quite excited about taking me to the Roadhouse.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah. I can’t wait to see you drunk.”

“I don’t plan on becoming intoxicated.”

“I don’t always plan on it, either, but it sure as hell happens sometimes. Especially at the Roadhouse.”

“I don’t want to make a fool of myself, as I’ve seen you do.”

Dean snorted. “Thanks, babe.”

Castiel beamed at him as Dean set the finally finished burgers on the table and took a seat, already shoving the food in his face.

“What?” Dean asked, gulping down half the burger in one go.

“I’m content,” Castiel noted aloud.

Dean smiled back at him. “Good. I’m…,” he took a breath, then glanced at the clock. It was nearly seven o’clock, and he wanted to check in on his brother before it got too late. “I gotta call Sam,” he said, getting up from the table and pulling his cell out of his back pocket. “I’ll be in my– _ our _ room, if you need me.” He dialed his brother as he walked down the hall. He left the door cracked, so he could keep an eye on Castiel.  _ Paranoid _ , he told himself.  _ I’m being fucking paranoid _ .

_ “Hello?” _

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean said, perking up his voice. “‘S me.”

_ “Hey, Dean _ ,” Sam grunted, presumably because he’d just shifted position in the hospital bed.

“You good?” Dean asked.

_ “I’m feeling a hell of a lot better than when I got in. Jess is taking me home to Bobby’s tomorrow morning, actually.” _

Dean’s brows shot up. “That soon?”

_ “Yeah, I mean, I’ll have to take it easy for a while, but they don’t really need to keep me any longer.” _

“Huh. That’s, uh, that’s good.” Dean searched his mind for a way to inform Sam about his new roommate, but decided it’d be best to wait until they could meet face to face. Still, he thought, he should give the guy somewhat of a warning. “I’ve, uh, got some news for you.”

_ “Are you going to finally explain what the hell you meant when you said you had a boyfriend?” _

Dean smirked. “There’s a bit more to it than that.”

Sam snorted.  _ “Well, yeah. Where did you even meet this guy?” _

“I’ll, uh… I’ll get to that later. Like I said, this is a bit… much, Sam.”

_ “I’m sure I can handle it.” _

Dean muttered, “That makes one of us.”

It was silent for a moment.  _ “Is something wrong?” _

Shaking himself out of his worries, Dean said, “No, it’s fine.”

_ “Okay, sure.” _ Sam sighed.  _ “I guess you’ll just have to fill me in on it later. I’ll see if Jess can swing by your place on the way home tomorrow.” _

Dean gulped. “Uh, that might not be such a good idea,” he said, glancing at his battered boyfriend through the cracked door. Sam would definitely have questions, and, even though he’d know better than to ask in front of Castiel, Dean didn’t want to deal with that around the newly fallen angel. “I think we should talk first. Just you and me.”

_ “Are you not alone? I heard Charlie moved out.” _ There was a pause.  _ “Is… this guy, is he living with you? Already?” _

“As of last night, yeah.”

_ “Wow.” _

Dean rolled his eyes. “It was kind of an urgent situation, Sam,” he said quickly, lowering his voice so Castiel couldn’t speak. He rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes for a moment.

_ “I’m not judging.” _

“Right you’re not.”

_ “I’m not! I’m just… surprised, Dean.” _ Sam gave a light chuckle.  _ “I mean, after all the ‘no chick-flick’ speeches, it’s a little-” _

“Yeah, well, when your boyfriend shows up at half past ass o’clock bleeding out and falls into your arms, then you can say something about it.” Well, so much for postponing that conversation.

_ “Jesus Christ, Dean,” _ Sam said, his voice small.

“Jesus Christ didn’t do  _ shit _ for him.” Dean wondered for a short moment if Jesus ever even existed, since everything the Bible taught about angels seemed to be bullshit. Not that he was an expert on Christian mythology–nor did he want to be.

_ “I’m sorry I said anything. I didn’t–Is… Is he okay?” _

“He’s sitting at the kitchen table right now. I stitched him up, but he got attacked pretty bad. He’s gotta stay here for a while.”

_ “Well,”  _ Sam said, _ “I wanna meet this guy. But… I get it, man. I get it if you need some space for a while.” _

“He’s the one I’m worried about,” Dean said, gritting his teeth. “ _ He’s _ the one that fell; I’ve got nothing to ‘need some space’ from.”

_ “Fell? What, like, off of something?” _

Dean rolled his eyes at his own inability to keep his damn mouth shut. “We’ll talk about it later.”

_ “Yeah. Okay. Listen, Dean, I- I need to talk to you about something, too. But, later. I’ll… Can I come by tomorrow, or is that too soon?” _

Dean frowned.  _ What in the hell could he have to tell me? _ “I dunno. I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

_ “Okay. Well, later, then.” _

“Bye, Sammy.” Dean hung up, then hit the back of his head against the wall with a light thud. Sam had something to talk to him about. All Dean had to do was not spend every hour until then wondering what it could be.

After taking a deep breath, Dean headed back out to finish his burger. He took Cas’s plate to the sink as the fallen angel asked how Sam was doing. “He’s fine,” Dean said, sitting down across from the fallen angel. “He’s going home tomorrow. Wants to visit, if you’re up to it. But I told him I need to talk to him, first.”

“Are you going to tell him about angels? About… me?”

“Angels, demons. I think I owe it to him. He should know what almost killed him.”

Castiel lowered his head. “And what didn’t save him.”

“What?”  _ He cannot be serious. _

“I… promised to look after him.”

Dean clenched his jaw. “Your asshole superiors kept you from doing what you promised, I get it, Cas. I’m not holding it against you.”

“I still feel poorly about it. I don’t know that I will be able to look at your brother without feeling guilty.”

“Cas, damn it, it wasn’t your fault!”

When Dean’s fists pounded on the table, Castiel looked up with a startled frown. “I-I know. I’m sorry.”

“Then stop apologizing.” Dean blew out a long breath. “Look,  _ I’m _ sorry. I’m sorry for putting that responsibility on you, and I’m sorry for asking you to tell me the truth, and I’m sorry that I suck at making you feel better, and I’m-I’m sorry that you’re stuck with  _ me _ , in this  _ shithole of a world _ . I’m-”

“Dean.”

“I’m sorry. You deserve better than this. You’re too innocent for this piece of crap life-”

“Dean, stop.”

“You deserve better than me.”

“Dean!”

When Dean finally met Castiel’s gaze, there were tears in both their eyes. “I’m sorry, Cas,” he whispered. “‘M so fucking sorry.”

“Dean, I… I thought we’d been through this. How can I convince you that I don’t blame you for my fall?”

With a small, bitter laugh, Dean shook his head. “Yeah, well, the thing is, Cas, it doesn’t matter if you don’t blame me. I blame myself. That’s all it takes.”

It occurred to Dean, as he was speaking, how ridiculous he was being. Cas was doing all he could to make it absolutely clear that he was satisfied with his fate. But Dean didn’t have it in him to fight his own accusations against himself.

Before the other man could say anything, Dean stood and took his plate to the sink. “I’ve gotta head out and pick up some things,” he said. Then, he lowered his head, letting out a deep breath. “But I can’t just leave you here alone. Shit, I should’ve had Jo stay longer.”

“Dean, I’ll be fine,” Castiel said, reaching across the table to cover Dean’s hand with his own.

“Can you promise me that? Can you  _ guarantee _ it?”

Castiel sighed, looking down. “No. But, Dean-”

“No. I’m… I’m calling Charlie. She can come over and stay with you until I get back. In case you need anything.”

“I can take care of myself, Dean.” Castiel seemed to give up, heaving a sigh. “But, if it will make you feel better… I’d like to meet Charlie, anyway.”

Dean nodded to himself, pulling out his phone again and heading into the hall. Castiel followed him, and leaned his shoulder lightly against the wall as Dean spoke.

“Charlie? Hey, about visiting Cas… you good to come over now?” Dean nodded. “He’s fine, he just-I need you to watch over-” at Cas’s cocked brow, Dean corrected, “-keep him company while I get some things. We need bandages, and we’re running kinda low on food, and- Yeah, no, yeah ‘course I’ll wait for you to get here ‘fore I leave, you think I’m gonna leave him alone for a goddamn second? That’s the whole reason you’re coming ov- Okay, good. See you soon, then.” Dean hung up and glanced down at Castiel. “She’s on her way.”


End file.
